


In Limbo

by nanisorero (miriam_lee)



Series: Words I've Never Heard, Things I'd Have Preferred [2]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Post-Canon, Psychology, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 80,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24707428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miriam_lee/pseuds/nanisorero
Summary: Now a law school student and a starting official of a certain Public Safety department, Yu returns to Inaba with the assignment to get Adachi's case out of the legal stalemate. Adachi – who never got a trial or a sentence due to the complicated circumstances of his case – has been stuck in jail for the past 5 years, which took a toll on him in more ways than one. The two deal with both private and interpersonal issues as they struggle to make Yu’s plans on prosecuting the case work.Thanks so much for the beautiful fan artworks by aishiteita aka tinycpr (1,2, and3) andmellomemos!
Relationships: Adachi Tohru/Narukami Yu
Series: Words I've Never Heard, Things I'd Have Preferred [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787008
Comments: 273
Kudos: 236





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (before any problematic discourse indeed resumes or reappears, here i go, i guess)  
> Sequel of [Reset to Default](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18860938). Can raise lots of questions as a stand alone.
> 
> A while ago, I commissioned the magnificent @neekosiah to illustrate my vision of [Yu's aged-up design](https://twitter.com/neekosiah/status/1213890907822575618) for this fic and he turned out splendidly~. Hope the art helps to picture him better while reading this :>
> 
> I'll be occasionally leaving the already written 15 chapters of this 1st arc here as I edit them. Characters/tags will also be added/updated on the go. No warnings as of this arc, just some gay melodrama with an attempted plot.

Taking the very last train turned out to be not such a bad idea. On its way to the end station the half-empty carriage was steadily getting emptier, creating a smooth transition from the noise and hustle of the city to the peace and quiet of the countryside. By the time a mechanical voice announced the arrival to the train’s final destination, it only had one passenger left.

Yu stepped on the empty platform, covered with white frost, and lowered his travel bag on the ground. The cold air gave him a shiver and made him want to put his both arms in the sleeves of a gray coat that he was wearing on the shoulders. After taking the brown messenger bag off, he was just about to properly put on the coat when he heard a short but loud car horn.

Yu raised his eyes and noticed a familiar car approaching the train station. With a short laugh, he put the satchel and the coat back, picked up his travel bag from the ground and started to move toward the headlights.

“I told you that you don’t have to meet me, didn’t I?” he smiled at his uncle after occupying the passenger seat next to him and closing the car’s door. “I really would’ve made it on foot.”

“That’s some great memory you think you have, if you believe you would’ve easily found the place after five whole years,” Dojima chuckled when Yu turned behind to put his bag and coat on the empty back seat. “For one, I see you’ve forgotten what winters are like here.”

In his dark-purple shirt, with sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and a striped gray vest, Yu had no right to contradict.

“There are some warmer clothes in the boxes that will be delivered later,” he replied, trying not to sound too defensive.

A slight smirk on his face, Dojima was looking at his nephew for a couple of moments until he extended his right arm for a handshake.

“Welcome back, Yu.”

Returning a smile, Yu took his uncle’s hand with his gloved right one and gave it a warm clasp.

“Thanks. It’s nice to be here again.”

***

“You go inside, I’ll be right there.”

Having left his uncle to park the car in the garage, Yu headed to the front door of the house he had last visited five years ago. He slid the door open and took a few moments to remember were the light switch was. Once the lamps lit on, he toed off his shoes, left his coat on the hanger, and went inside the living room.

From how dark the house had been before he entered, Yu already figured out that he wouldn’t see Nanako in front of the TV. Inwardly, he had to admit that his cousin didn’t have to keep her habits from when she had been a six-year-old.

“Looks like she’s still not back from the store,” Dojima went into the kitchen area, neared the fridge and opened it. “Yeah,” he turned to Yu and clarified: “She wanted to make a special dinner before you get here. But her concert band’s been having late practice sessions for the school Christmas event this whole week, and she’s.. responsible.”

Hearing subtly proud notes in his uncle’s voice, Yu smiled.

“Can you make me your special coffee instead?”

“Sure,” with a short laugh, Dojima motioned Yu to the chair and turned on an electric kettle.

While silently admiring some other technical improvements in the kitchen – a new microwave and a rice cooker – Yu left his bags on the floor near the stairs and came up to the table.

“The room upstairs is all clean,” Dojima said, putting a few tea-spoons of coffee in two colored mugs. “The desk might feel too small for you now, though, and we moved the working table to Nanako’s room at the start of this school year. But you can use the dining table here for any paperwork.”

“Don’t worry, I think I’ll be bothering you only for a couple of days,” Yu shook his head. “I’m planning to find a place to rent soon.”

Dojima, who just put the coffee jar back on the shelf, turned around and raised a surprised eyebrow.

“I really don’t want to be an intruder in the household again,” Yu explained. “I can’t even tell how long I’ll have to stay here – a week, a month, or more. I’m sure you two are used to your own routine and I’ll be just unnecessarily shaking it up.”

For a few moments, Dojima was silent but then chuckled to a shake of his head.

“Sorry, I’m just treating you like a child here. You’ve got the right to decide such things for yourself now,” he agreed. “You aren’t a bother in this house but the way you live is up to you. Adapting to a place like ours after five years in the city could be really tough, so I get it.”

“I didn’t mean that I don’t like it here, I just-…” Yu hurried to follow up, but Dojima let out another chuckle.

“Relax, Yu. I simply wanted to say that whatever reasons you have are valid. Just know that you’re more than welcome here,” he smiled. “Also, I’m sure Nanako will be upset if you choose to move out. So if you do, promise her you’ll be visiting.”

Yu smiled at his uncle, already somewhat reconsidering the initial plan to rent a separate place.

“I will.”

“Good then,” Dojima turned back to the boiling kettle, waited a few seconds until it turned off on its own, and poured water in both mugs. Leaving one on the counter, he took the other mug, neared the table, and put it down on the wooden surface near Yu.

“Thanks,” Yu reached for the steaming hot drink while his uncle returned to the counter and leaned against it.

They both took a few gulps of coffee in silence.

“Say, Yu,” Dojima was looking in his own mug. “That broadcast three days ago has something to do with you getting back here all of a sudden, doesn’t it?”

Looking at the small clouds slowly lifting from the dark surface of his coffee, Yu pressed his lips together.

“I know you’ve said that you have an official assignment from that Public Safety department,” his uncle went on. “And with how my work duties now mostly consist of signing papers and giving out orders at the station, my detective skills might’ve gone rusty. But this doesn’t look like a coincidence to me.”

Dojima looked up, focusing his gaze on Yu.

“You’ve seen that interview, right?”

After bringing a mug to his lips, Yu took a few slow gulps and then gently put the mug down.

“Yeah, I have,” he answered at last.

Yu heard his uncle exhale and mutter “thought so” under his breath.

They both didn’t say a word for a while.

“How long has he been like this?” Yu lifted his eyes from the mug.

“Can’t really tell,” Dojima replied after a few moments. “Normally, he’d just try to be his usual dumb blabbing self whenever I visited him in that detention center in Okina. I’m sure as hell there wasn’t a single day when he actually felt good, but at least he had the strength to make it look like he kept it together. Until at some point about a year ago he really started to come undone.”

He paused to take a sip of coffee.

“First I noticed that the number of his dumb jokes dropped. He started to talk less in general and soon I was the only one who kept the conversation going. Then in spring, he asked me to stop visiting him in general. I brushed this aside, but he just kept bringing it up every goddamn time.”

Dojima clicked his tongue and looked down in his mug.

“I was really run down the whole summer after I’d gotten that promotion, so I couldn’t go see him for a while. When I finally squeezed in the time for a visit and missed the first 30 minutes of Nanako’s concert for that, hearing him blabber how I “shouldn’t have come at all” was the last straw, so I…” he rubbed his neck, before sharply exhaling, “I snapped. Left the place and didn’t come back for a month.”

“And when you did, he simply refused to see you, right?”

Dojima answered with a mirthless chuckle and slowly shook his head.

“You still know him better than anyone else.”

A weak smile tugged on the corners of Yu’s lips.

“Have you visited him since then?” he asked.

After taking a few last gulps of coffee, Dojima let out another sharp breath and shook his head.

“I probably should have, I know. Had I told the guards that it’s for the investigation, he would’ve had no other choice but to get his ass into that visiting room even if he still didn’t want to see me.” Keeping the empty mug in his left hand, Dojima was silently staring at it for a while before he heaved a sigh. “..Call me a coward, Yu, but I just don’t know what to say to him at this point.”

For Yu, it was obvious that simply showing up would’ve been a good enough start. Yet he couldn’t but admit that the situation was complicated and understood why his uncle chose to withdraw.

Besides, Yu believed himself to be the least fit person for calling someone a ‘coward’.

“When everyone at the station started flapping their mouths about that show on Monday, I realized that it’s been three full months since my last visit to Okina. With all the work, I didn’t even notice how the time passed…” Dojima exhaled. “This time did take a toll on him, though. He looked absolutely miserable during that interview and the way they dragged him through the mud right in his presence despite his condition felt..” he furrowed his brow in search of a suitable word, “..unsettling.”

Still silent, Yu started to mindlessly rotate the mug on the table surface.

He had watched the interview in live broadcast too and the word he would’ve easily chosen to describe it was nothing but ‘harrowing’. From how the entire show was staged, he could hardly even tell its initial purpose. It had been just an hour-long, cruel and derogatory public interrogation without any purpose to make some actual, legal progress with the case.

Heaving a quiet sigh, Dojima turned his head to the right.

“To be frank, I now wonder how he held out this long. Five years of questionings, repetitive and useless procedures, and all other ‘privileges’ of remaining a ‘suspect under investigation’ with no end to it in sight,” he closed his eyes. “No matter the crime, everyone deserves a verdict. Keeping someone on tenterhooks like this forever is just-...”

“Torture,” Yu finished his uncle’s line on an outward breath and slowly lifted the mug to take a few gulps of the bitter drink.

Even if Dojima had another word in mind, he didn’t contradict. He turned around and after switching on the tap, started washing his mug.

When the sound of the running water ceased, Yu spoke up again.

“You said he first asked you not to come back in spring,” he was looking down at his coffee. “..Did he ever ask anything about me at that time or later?”

By the pause that followed, Yu could tell that Dojima had to take his time to recollect.

“I’d almost gotten used to him barely participating in the conversations by then,” he answered after a short halt, “so I usually told him how you were doing on my own. Like when you joined that department and got into the graduate law program.” He paused again for a few moments and then sighed. “Perhaps it was his condition in general, but.. he didn’t seem very interested in learning any details.”

Staring at the table surface, Yu didn’t respond.

“You plan to go see him?” Dojima asked after a short while.

“Yeah,” Yu nodded and then failed to stifle a short, sad laugh. “I promised him a visit in 2011. But back then I imagined it to be somewhat earlier than 5 years later…”

“You’ve had a lot on your plate,” Dojima noted. “Still have, for that matter. And from what I’ve seen and heard, you’ve even been sending him books all this time.”

Yu pressed his lips together and dropped his eyes.

“..I stopped doing it some time ago,” he said in a low voice after a pause.

He didn’t get the unwanted follow-up question and wondered if the position of the chief officer at Inaba station had something to do with the unusual tact and discernment his uncle was showing.

“Well, he still has quite a library there thanks to you. I even tried bringing him a book or two myself, but he said that, unlike you, I have horrible taste in literature,” Dojima jokingly scoffed. “Jerk.”

His eyes still on the mug, Yu cracked a smile too.

The room sank into silence for almost a minute until Dojima spoke again, his voice level and serious.

“You don’t owe him anything, Yu. No one does. Don’t feel guilty for trying to leave the past in the past. You had the right to let all this go way back in 2011.”

With a sigh, Yu lifted his gaze.

“ _You_ didn’t”, he pointed out.

“I feel responsible. Even if only for half a year, I was his senior partner.”

“And I was his friend.”

In response to Yu’s matter-of-fact, calm reply, Dojima breathed out a soft chuckle and shook his head.

“I think I mentioned it to both of you already, but to me you looked like the strangest duo five years ago,” he said with a wan smile on his lips. “I still don’t get how it worked out between the two of you, but..”

He paused for a while before heaving yet another sigh.

“..But if he managed to make a friend like you, seems like his luck didn’t run out completely.”

Yu only tightened his pressed lips and lowered his eyes to the mug again.

“Anyway, I really hope that you didn’t come back here because of some twinge of consciousness,” Dojima forced himself to go back to casual tone of his voice. “And that some assignment you’ve mentioned to me on the phone wasn’t a lie.”

Yu chuckled wryly.

“It wasn’t a lie,” he assured his uncle, looking him in the eye. “Adachi-san _is_ my assignment.”

This time, Dojima’s eyebrows shot up, but the sound of the front door sliding open interrupted him even before he voiced his question.

“Dad, I’m-..” Nanako must have noticed the unfamiliar coat on the hanger and, after hurriedly taking her shoes off, appeared from behind the corner in a split second.

“Big bro!” she dropped her school bag and a plastic bag full of groceries on the floor and dashed forward to Yu, who already got up from the chair, for a hug.

“Woah, you’ve grown taller, Nanako,” he laughed when his cousin – still in her light-brown duffel coat – burrowed her face in his vest.

Nanako looked up and giggled.

“It feels like so have you though.”

“That’s unlikely,” Yu chuckled while looking at Nanako’s twin tails that were now reaching her elbows in length.

“So, what happened to that ‘Dad, I’m..’?” Dojima chuckled, reminding of his presence.

“You said you didn’t have the time to pick him up,” after releasing Yu from her hug, Nanako turned to her father, pouting and furrowing her brow. “If I knew you’d be going to the train station, I would’ve gone with you.”

“I said I’d see if I can leave work earlier.”

“That phrase always means exactly what _I_ ’ve just said.”

Yu felt as if he was unintentionally being given a sneak peek to what living with a chief officer of the local police station must have been for an eleven-year old girl. Seeing Nanako so confidently retort also made him realize that during the past five years she had learned to interpret her father’s words in the most pessimistic way possible – most likely in an attempt to avoid the disappointment she’d been facing so often as a six-year old.

“You want me to help you with the dinner?” Yu motioned to the plastic bag, hoping to ease the mood a little.

Nanako quickly caught his drift and pursed her lips, obviously feeling uncomfortable. She knew it had been her job to stop the ‘fighting’ five years ago.

“..I wanted to make it in time before you get here,” she said as she dropped her eyes.

“Don’t worry, your dad mentioned the band practice and the event,” Yu already made a few steps to the bag, picked it up and carried to the counters. “Will you tell me more about it?”

Nanako finally smiled again and nodded.

Letting his daughter near the stove, Dojima left the cramped kitchen area.

“I’ll step out for a while to make some calls and have a smoke,” he said, heading to the entrance and then turned back to look at Yu. “I’ve still got some questions about what you’ve said at the end, so we’ll discuss it after dinner.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Satisfied with the answer, Dojima disappeared behind the corner. A few moments later there was a sound of a sliding front door, which Yu found a little nostalgic.

“Are you working with dad now?” Nanako asked carefully. The tone her father used in the last line must’ve reminded her of that he used while talking to his subordinates on the phone.

“No, I’m not planning to join the police force, remember?” Yu replied with a smile. “But I do have some business here from the department I work with, and your dad’s work is somewhat related.”

“Is it gonna take long? That business.”

From how Nanako was looking at him, Yu could figure she wasn’t eagerly expecting a ‘no’. He remembered Dojima predicting her reaction to his plan to rent a separate place and could already picture her disappointment too.

“It all heavily depends on a certain person,” he answered honestly. “But if it goes more or less well with them, I think I’ll be staying here for a few months.”

Nanako’s eyes lit up again and a wide grin broke onto her face.

“Wow, then you’re here for Christmas, too!”

“Yeah, that’s for sure,” Yu chuckled at his cousin’s modest expectations. “Oh, and,” he took his old cell phone out of his pants pocket and lifted it, showing the attached colorful strap, “thanks again for making me this, by the way.”

Somewhat abashed, Nanako smiled and dropped her eyes again.

“..I didn’t really know what to get you this year. I wanted to give a real birthday present like the ones you send me. And it felt stupid to make it another drawing, like I’m a little kid.” Suddenly, she pouted. “Although dad said it would be okay because he thinks I _am_ a kid…”

The corners of Yu’s mouth gently turned up, but he didn’t say anything.

“So I just thought that.. since we talk or exchange messages on the phone and you still have your old one, I’d make you a strap.” She sighed. “I wanted it to be a surprise, too, but dad didn’t know your address, so I had to ask you.”

“Had I known I’d be here in two weeks, I would’ve just told you to wait a little,” Yu let out another chuckle. “But I was glad to get it right on the day.”

Nanako smiled again and, after glancing at the mug on the table, headed to pick it up.

“You’ve had dad’s coffee already?”

“Yeah. I remember liking it when I used to live here, so I asked him to make one.”

“Doesn’t look like you liked it this time,” Nanako let out a laugh, looking at the half-full mug in her hands.

“We just got side-tracked to a complicated topic and I didn’t notice when it went cold,” Yu explained with a smile.

He decided to keep silent about the fact that nostalgia played a dirty trick on him and Dojima’s instant coffee indeed didn’t taste as good as he remembered. The realization that the same could apply to many other things wasn’t really pleasant. Yet, some part of Yu wished for this disillusionment to finally help him get a fresh and objective look at the memories and emotions he’d been struggling with for the past five years.


	2. Chapter 2

Although Yu was too tired to notice it in the evening, the desk did turn out too cramped for him the next day, just as Dojima had warned. With no choice left but to head downstairs, he took a laptop and a few file folders out of his satchel and left the room.

At 9 am on Friday the house was already silent and empty. Yet, when Yu neared the large table in the kitchen area, he found a plate with fresh tamagoyaki and a mug with a few spoons of instant coffee in it. Smiling, he put all his stuff on the right side and stepped toward the counters to switch on the kettle.

Once he got back, he opened his laptop with a few documents in the text editor tabs, and started to go over the printed files he took with him. He’d looked through most of them on the train, but wasn’t sure where he’d stopped.

The clicking sound of the boiling kettle coincided with the buzz of the phone on the table surface. Yu took the call and stood up to pour the water in the mug with instant coffee.

“Hey, Yu-kun! How was the trip?”

Hearing Chie’s voice, Yu took his phone away for a second to check the time, and then put the dynamic back to his ear.

“Hey. Fine, I guess, but shouldn’t you be on the lecture? You said that correctional administration starts at 9 on Fridays.”

“Uh, I really can see how you managed to max out classes and graduate so fast last year,” Chie sighed. “I’m not cutting. The prof cancelled it for some reason.”

“Oh, got it.” After slowly filling the mug with hot water and putting the kettle back down, Yu chuckled: “I just remember that following Sanada-san’s advice on attendance didn’t really work well for you last semester.”

“Yeah, that...” he could almost see Chie close one eye and rub her neck. “I’ve learned my lesson and sure as hell don’t wanna get stuck in the city while everyone’s having fun.” She paused. “Ted, uh, texted you about the meet-up, right?”

“Yeah,” Yu clearly remembered Teddie’s emoji-filled message, excited from the sheer thought of the team fully reuniting for the first time in 5 years.

“Sorry for being a snitch,” Chie sighed. “Yosuke called me all of a sudden after you-know-what and asked what you were up to. So I blurted out that you were going to the Dojimas on holidays. Looks like Teddie learned that from him and now he’s dead-set on organizing a get-together.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not like I planned to keep my presence here a secret anyway,” Yu chuckled and glanced at his papers. “..Did you tell Yosuke anything about the case?”

He could hear Chie heave another sigh.

“Nope. I mean, asking about your reaction to that show in not very Yosuke-like roundabout ways is why he called me in the first place. He’s got an idea what’s going on. But if he’d learned about your plans from me, he would’ve just freaked out on you later.” She paused. “..Actually, he would’ve freaked out on _me_ first and then on you. So it’d be better if you-...”

“Told him everything myself, yeah,” Yu finished the sentence for her.

“I think everyone else has the right to know why you’re back, too,” Chie added. “Me and Naoto can’t be the only ones who’re on the same page with you. And.. I’m bad at keeping secrets anyway, you can see that.”

“It’s not like it’s a secret, it’s just..” closing his eyes, Yu sighed. “I’ll do it when I figure at least some things out.”

There was a short pause before Chie continued.

“You’re meeting that guy soon, right?”

“Yeah, soon,” Yu sat down at the table and took one of the stapled papers in his free hand. “I just want to go through all the documents before that, to catch up with all the procedures I might have missed and refresh the rest to be as informed as possible.”

“Why study papers if you can just go and ask him about everything?”

With his eyes closed, Yu shook his head.

“I’m sure he’s not in the condition to discuss this stuff right now. And I can’t really say when he’ll be able to.”

“Well, you can at least try talking to him. That’s what you went to Inaba for, right?”

Yu bit his lower lip. He didn’t simply want to be prepared – he knew that he _had_ to be in order to push the conversation forward. Because from what he saw in the broadcast and heard from Dojima he couldn’t expect any help in building the dialogue.

But he couldn’t deny the truth that something other than that was stopping him from paying a visit right away either. It felt weird: a few days ago he was hastily wrapping up things in the city just so he could leave for Inaba as fast as possible. And now that he got back, he was suddenly okay with dawdling with the documents.

“..Right,” with a silent sigh, he tightened the grip on the paper he was holding.

“Bet your roommates were sad you left, huh?” Chie decided to change the subject herself.

“Yeah, they were,” Yu chuckled. “And you’re leaving Tokyo for the holidays too?”

“After I’m done with two essays. I mean, _if_ I’m done with them,” Chie groaned. “Sheesh, seriously, the deeper I’m in this hell, the harder it’s for me to get _how_ someone can complete 4 years of this course in just 3.”

“Seven years of studying is just a crazy idea for me,” he sighed. “ You know that it was hard for me too, but I just wanted to cut it as much shorter as possible.”

“Yeah, it’s stupid that law schools need a degree just to get you started, so you have to study longer than anyone…” Chie sighed but then snickered mischievously. “But with how I failed to enroll on my first attempt and missed a year, I feel kinda better knowing that someone else is still studying.”

“And will continue to for a year after you graduate,” Yu chuckled. “But hey, Yosuke’s still studying, too, remember?”

“Nah, since his last year’s been mostly internship, he’s practically working already…” she trailed off. “How’s our textile workaholic there?”

“Hunting for some dyes on Hokkaido again. But he’s gonna be back in a few days.”

Chie hesitated for a moment.

“..Did you.. call Yukiko?”

Rubbing his neck, Yu drew a slow, silent breath.

“Teddie mentioned that she’s in Kyoto, representing her family in some ‘traditional hospitality business' convention. She should return before the New Year though.”

“Woah, great,” Chie forced a laugh. “Then if Naoto and Rise can make it too, it’s really gonna be like good old times, huh?”

Yu closed his eyes and cracked a smile. He and Chie both knew that too many things were different now, for all of them, and they had no way of knowing how everything would turn out.

“I’d really want it to be like that,” he said, meaning it.

“Heh, but for that I need to get there too, and that’s only if I deal with all the debts,” Chie laughed nervously.

“You’ll be fine. Just pull some all-nighters like you always do.”

“Yeah, guess I’m just waiting till I’m scared to the point where I won’t be able to sleep anyway…” she let out another shaky laugh and then sighed heavily. “Well, I think I’ll use this wasted morning sleep time to work in the library here, huh.”

Yu smiled.

“Sounds like a good plan to me.”

“You go follow yours there,” Chie bantered. “Alright then, till later. Good luck with the job!”

“Thanks, I’ll need it.”

Yu hung up and laid the phone beside him on the table. He looked at the screen of his laptop, then at the papers, and sighed.

Now that he thought over it, all this stuff was indeed just a convenient excuse to put the visit off. He had to face the thought that he felt nervous, and that no amount of time or scanned papers would help to get rid of this nervousness. All he needed was to push things forward regardless of his emotions.

With another quiet sigh, he put the paper he was holding aside and reached for the mug of coffee and a plate with tamagoyaki, planning to head out right after breakfast.

***

It took Yu about half an hour to get to Okina by bus and almost 15 more minutes to find its main detention center. He hadn’t been to the place before but wasn’t surprised to see little difference from the centers in Tokyo, which he had visited during his academy training.

While heading toward the reception desk, Yu got a plastic folder out of his satchel and started to look for the necessary papers in it. He already had a feeling that the documents would answer some of the questions but at the same time raise others, so when the officer squinted at them, Yu wasn’t surprised.

For a few minutes, the man at the reception desk kept scrutinizing the papers, as if trying to understand who exactly Yu was working with and why he was there. From time to time, he would just lift his gaze to eye him with confusion – and then look back down.

“If there are some problems with the documents, I can call my boss,” Yu added after a few minutes of silence. “She’ll be glad to explain the situation. And fax you whatever seems to be missing.”

He knew for sure that nothing was missing, though.

“..It won’t be necessary,” screwing up his lips, the officer finally returned the documents to Yu.

Silently wondering if he should’ve suggested the call from the very start to significantly speed up the process, Yu waited until the man contacted someone on the phone and then, after receiving a pass card, followed the prompted directions.

In the room he had been told to wait in, he met a guard a few years older than him, who looked through his papers once again. Luckily, the guard seemed to trust the front desk office enough and didn’t delve into details.

“It’s odd,” the man chuckled. “I thought all departments from Tokyo threw their hands up on interrogating him already. Now it’s mostly prefectural units coming here twice a month or so, just because they’re obliged to.”

“It’s not an ‘interrogation’ in the first place,” Yu corrected him with a polite smile. “I just want to talk.”

“Yeah, that’s what you guys always say, right?” the guard taunted him. “Well, I guess I’ll go get him he-...”

“I actually would like to see him right in the cell.”

The guard raised an eyebrow, but Yu held his surprised look without feeling any need to provide an explanation: the papers that he just put back in the folder gave him enough authority to be in control.

“Alright, this way then,” the guard shrugged at last.

Once the man leisurely headed out of the room, Yu followed him and soon found himself passing through a long, dimly lit hallway.

“Your higher-ups got interested in him again after that interview, right?” the guard looked at him over the shoulder.

“We had a plan to get back to the case soon, but the show did give the push,” Yu admitted and, after a short pause, decided to ask something that had been bothering him for a while. “Was he forced to take part in it?”

“Heck, sure,” the jailer snickered. “I mean, he’s been living off peoples' taxes for 5 years already, he can at least entertain them a bit, right?"

His lips pressed tight, Yu didn’t reply.

"They couldn’t invite him to any events 3 years ago ‘cause of the investigation. Also ‘cause people were still kinda scared, I guess. But now he’s got a lotta free time and everyone sees the case mostly as a local legend, so he got dragged into the spotlight in exchange for a generous donation to the center,” the guard turned to Yu and smirked. “But well, if Tokyo decided to try and handle his case again, looks like he got his own reward.”

Yu just offered a polite smile in return without explaining the details.

“I gotta warn you, this guy hasn’t been the best chat companion lately,” the man went on. “Even his former partner, who’s been his only visitor all this time, finally stopped humoring him after this bastard denied to show up to the visiting room once. Guess he’d only willingly talk to the walls now.”

The jailer slowly led him into a relatively small square compartment with only 5 cell doors and continued while pointing at the doors.

“These are for detaining fellows with serious charges. Most of ‘em don’t spend too much time here before they get a trial, so usually it’s just him here,” the man stopped in front of the metal door in the right corner, reached for the keys and turned them in the lock. “Well, good luck then,” the guard opened the door and motioned at another – shorter – corridor to the left. “I’m in the office nearby. Will be back in about 30 minutes. That alright?”

“Yeah, should be enough,” with a short nod, Yu stepped into the confined room and heard the door close behind him.

The lights inside were off, but the cell wasn’t dark thanks to the glim from the hallway, seeping through the slit in the metallic door, and the dim sunlight coming from a small window at the very top of the opposite wall. Yu immediately noticed the room’s only dweller on the futon to his left, the back of the white shirt turned to him.

Curling his fingers, he expected the lying figure to wake up and turn around at any moment, but even after a full minute there was no reaction.

He decided to wait a little longer and, in his waiting, swept his eyes over the cell. Although Dojima mentioned the ‘library’, Yu never imagined there to be _so_ many books. He made a small, careful step toward the lowest of about two dozen stacks, crouched down next to it, and took three books from the top in his hands.

All three of them were familiar: he had sent one last December and the other two – in fall. The one from December looked somewhat more worn and even though Adachi had never mentioned particularly enjoying it, Yu could tell that it had been read more than once.

When he carefully put the books back, Yu started to slide his finger down the rest of the binding edges in the stack. Two volumes of a single book from last summer. A couple from a few years ago, which he bought on his short visit to Sapporo. The one Adachi sarcastically praised for cutting it to be more boring than his jail life. Another one from fall. A three-decker Yu had sent for Adachi’s birthday three years ago. Two even older ones, worn just as much as the December book.

Yu didn’t even notice the exact moment he started smiling as he kept recollecting the shared years, captured and frozen right in all these books.

“The hell are you doing here?”

At the sound of a low voice, Yu instantly turned around to face the figure in a wrinkled, white shirt and black trousers slowly sitting up on the futon.

The broadcast had put a gloss on the appearance after all – Adachi was even more physically and mentally exhausted in person than he had looked on TV. His complexion was pale to the point of grayish white, cheeks gaunt, eyes so empty they resembled holes. The dark hair was a more disheveled mess than Yu remembered it to be, even though it appeared to have just recently been cut – probably for the sake of the interview. Both wrists were almost fully skinned and the old, raw wounds all around didn’t seem to have ever properly healed.

The whole sight was absolutely heartbreaking and Yu felt his eyebrows bend as the corners of his lips slowly curled in a weak, rueful smile.

“I promised you that I’d visit again, Adachi-san, didn’t I?”

With his eyes closed, Adachi heaved a tired sigh and brought a hand to his face. Yu could hear him mutter something under his breath as he was rubbing his temples, but couldn’t make out the words.

A few moments later Adachi put the hand down, opened his eyes and rolled them to the ceiling once his gaze fixed on Yu again.

“That’s just some sick mockery…”

Before arriving at the center, Yu did his best to get rid of any expectations and have a completely open mind in regard to Adachi’s reaction, ready to accept anything and everything. But from the dullness rising in his chest he could tell that he wasn’t fully prepared for the welcome he was being given.

Then again, he knew that it was naïve to hope for something different. Not after how everything ended off a year ago.

“Can we talk?” Yu asked cautiously.

He saw the other man slowly shut his eyes again.

“Why don’t you just leave me _alone_ already?” Adachi breathed out.

Yu balled his hands into fists and pressed lips together, silently admitting that picturing _this_ reaction was one of the reasons that had been making him put off the visit. And not just for hours today, but for months prior.

He hardly had a chance to back down now, though.

“I simply want to understand what made you-...”

“What if _I_ want you to _leave?_ ” the voice suddenly grew sterner and didn’t let him finish the phrase. Fixing his eyes on Yu, Adachi gave a sharp wave of his hand in front of himself. “Seriously, enough of this shit, just _disappear_ already.”

“I’m not going anywhere until we have a proper talk,” Yu answered, relentless. “I wanted to have it earlier, in spring, but-…”

“We’re _not_ having any talks, because I’m sick of them.”

Yu bit his lower lip. For the past five years all their ‘talks’ were in letters and – save for the last sudden and blunt letter in March – had a rather nonchalant mood. The sole idea that Adachi could have really hated those penned conversations all along was absolutely numbing.

He took a slow breath and then confidently locked his eyes on the irritated expression.

“Adachi-san,” he started again in a calm voice. “I know that you want me to leave you alone. You asked me to do it in that letter a year ago and I did step back.” He dragged his gaze over the exhausted figure and clenched his fists. “But you’re in a horrible condition now and I’m here because I want to help. For that, I need us to be able to talk.”

Adachi closed his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“Do I just need to repeat all the pathetic stuff that you’ve helped me to come to terms with, so that you could vanish from here again?”

He slowly opened his narrowed eyes and locked them back on Yu.

“ ‘He no longer cares. He’s not getting here. He cut off this stupid bond like I told him to.’ I _know_. Is that enough?”

Stunned and speechless, Yu stared at the face in front of himself for almost half a minute. He tried forcing himself to voice a single logical yet insane question, but the thought of hearing the only possible reason why Adachi had been phrasing things that way in reply was virtually paralyzing.

“...You don’t believe I’m real?” he asked at last, the sound of his own words making him cower from the sheer possibility of this assumption being true.

The dark eyes remained squinted, piercing right through him.

“You’re just another one of my mind’s sick tricks – that’s all.”

Yu swallowed hard, feeling his mouth go dry, and sensed heaviness spread all over his body.

The fact that Adachi was taking him for some kind of illusion, which he had been having those numerous and – from what it looked like – quite unpleasant conversations with, explained a lot. Even the guard’s words about ‘talking to the walls’ weren’t so vague now.

For a second Yu fretted over the possibility of Shadows at work, but quickly abandoned the idea. Even though he knew about Shadows appearing outside the TV world, he couldn’t think of a way his own Shadow-self would turn up in such a place, miles away from where he had been all this time.

Besides, despite the hurtful, embarrassing, and radical nature of the things Shadows used to say, these things always reflected the truth in some way. And what Yu just heard from Adachi about himself was too far away from his real attitude.

The situation did become clearer, yet it barely got any less complex.

“Adachi-san,” Yu answered the dismay on the other man’s face with a weak, gentle smile. “I’m not a product of your imagination. I wasn’t sure if I should come here after not keeping my promise last spring, but it’s me. Believe me, please.”

Adachi replied with a condescending smirk.

“Sure, the same pathetic way I did before, right?” The very next instant a cold gleam appeared in his eyes and the voice went lower. “ _Like hell_ I will.”

Desperately searching for a way to prove his actual presence, Yu lowered his eyes to the satchel and hastily opened it. A few seconds later he took out three books he had bought for the occasion in the city, put them down on the floor, and carefully pushed forward.

“Here,” sitting on his knees, Yu looked straight into the exhausted dark eyes opposite him. “If these are real, so am I, right?”

“Get lost.”

Adachi didn’t even glance at the books – his narrowed eyes were boring into Yu with undisguised hostility.

Yu tried moving closer to let Adachi take the books in his hands and make sure they were tangible and real, just as Yu himself was, but the other man recoiled, still convinced that his guest was a mere apparition.

“I said _get lost!_ ” Adachi raised his voice, brow still furrowing. “Leave. Me. Alone.”

At the sight of Adachi gritting his teeth and breathing heavily, Yu bit his lower lip again.

“..I can’t leave. Not when you’re like this.”

“Don’t make it look like the brat still cares,” Adachi hissed.

“I do. That’s why I’m here.”

“He’s _not_.”

With each phrase he heard, Yu was slowly losing the hope of convincing Adachi’s rundown mind in his real presence. He knew that no one could go through 5 years of isolation completely unscarred, but seeing the gruesome consequences with his own eyes was simply devastating.

“I stopped sending you books and letters only because you asked me to,” Yu explained. “You said that you were tired of ‘playing friends’ and that severing this bond would make things much easier for you. I genuinely wanted to believe it.” He clenched his fists and let out a sharp breath. “But had I known everything would end up like this, I would’ve never agreed to that.”

He watched the anger on Adachi’s face slowly give way to the extreme fatigue and pain that had been under the surface all along.

In a few more moments, a bitter smile surfaced on the dry, pale lips.

“..A surprisingly convincing letter it turned out to be, right?” Adachi shifted his gaze to the book stacks to the left of the futon. “Guess it was high time for you to stop being some sort of a psychic, who somehow always knew more than I laid on the surface, huh?”

Seeing the sudden change in the other man’s mood and hearing the direct address for the very first time in the conversation, Yu didn’t follow up with any of the many questions tumbling about in his head and decided to wait.

After almost a minute, his patience paid off.

“I also asked not to write me back but you replied anyway and said you wanted to talk about all this in person,” with the same wry smile on his lips and eyes still looking aside, Adachi went on. “You said you’d come here on the Golden Week. But I never sent a reply to that letter. And you never showed up.”

Hoping that Adachi finally believed in his presence, Yu livened up and shook his head.

“It wasn’t because you didn’t answer. I was assigned by the Operatives to monitor a complicated case that-…”

“That’s what I’ve heard from Dojima-san.” Adachi shrugged lifelessly. “That’s why my brain’s making you say it now.”

Yu’s hope was crushed almost immediately. Pressing his lips together, he closed his eyes and took a few moments to accept the fact that Adachi simply gave in to his illusion and was talking to _it._ Not to the real him.

“That’s how it _was_ ,” he replied on an outbreath, discouraged. “I wanted but couldn’t make it here in May. And later I..” he fell silent for a while,“..later it felt wrong.”

“Wrong how?” Adachi looked straight at Yu and let out a shaky chuckle. “Wrong to keep a promise to some lying murdering scumbag in jail, who can’t even get his goddamn sentence?”

“I don’t think of you this way, Adachi-san. Never did.”

In a split-second Adachi moved closer – and Yu felt the lean right arm grab him by the collar of his shirt.

“Then _why_?!” the face was contorted with anger and the weak grasp allowed Yu to sense the slight shivering in the hand. “Why can’t you just pay me this last single visit already?! Why promise it to me _at all_?! You think I don’t have enough things I can’t get closure on?!”

Stunned by the anguish Adachi was obviously overwhelmed with, Yu parted his lips – but had to desperately search for the right words for a few more seconds.

“After I didn’t come here on the Golden Week, I thought I’d just disturb you,” he said at last, looking in the dark eyes. “I believed that I was the only one who needed this talk. That by insisting on it a few months after my letter, I’d be just a nuisance to someone who already moved on.” Still shocked, he paused. “..And I would’ve never guessed you wanted this talk all this time, too.”

“ ‘Already moved on’, huh?” Adachi breathed out a distressed laugh in reply. “Except there’s _nowhere_ for me to move on, and you perfectly know it. I’m forever stuck in this cell full of books, which I got from _you_ over the years.”

He looked Yu in the eye again, hand clenching on the shirt and mouth shaping a crooked smile.

“And all I wanted for the past few months is to see them all _burn_ to goddamn _ashe_ s,” he hissed. “Because I _hate_ how they keep me aware of your existence. How they prove that you’re still somewhere out there, but simply _don’t give a damn_ anymore _._ ”

Adachi abruptly let go of the dark-purple shirt collar and lowered his hand.

Unable to utter a word for about a minute, Yu kept helplessly hearing the three lines, steeped in pain, echo in his head.

“..Did you..” Yu was holding the other man’s hostile stare, “..not want to cut the ties with me, despite that letter? ”

“I didn’t,” Adachi replied in a tired, blunt manner, seeing no sense in hiding anything from a mere hallucination. “Now if you’re so set on sappy-chatting, how about you offer me some believable answer to any of my ‘why’s?”

Yu was sure that the real him would have never received such a plain and straightforward answer – not now, not back in spring, when he had initially planned to have this talk. Yet, it was exactly what he wished to hear ever since.

The moment he had read the letter for the first time, he couldn’t but latch onto the belief that Adachi had been insincere with him – just like, Yu knew, he often was. But as busy weeks had been dividing him from the day he had received the letter, Yu had started to lose confidence in this belief.

He had begun to look back on their bond, the unusual grounds it formed on, and his own persistent role in it. He had thought about how Adachi’s replies hadn’t been that fast, long, and frequent throughout the years; about him never bringing up the promised visit – not even in a sarcastic manner – and hence, supposedly, not really wanting it to happen.

Slowly and unwillingly, Yu had started to fear that he had been indeed forcing this bond on someone who didn’t want it at all. And, what’s more, keeping Adachi tied to the disturbing and draining past.

“Your letter made me think that I’ve been selfishly imposing myself on you since when I was sixteen,” Yu vocalized his thoughts at last. “I had no proof that I hadn’t been just annoying you all this time with whatever I shared with you in the letters. That I hadn’t been weighing you down by being a constant reminder of everything you probably wished to forget. That’s why I hesitated to visit,” he closed his eyes and exhaled. “And that’s why I thought I should step back.”

He heard another shaky laugh and, after opening his eyes, faced the exhausted, sardonic lift of Adachi’s eyebrows.

“Hey, didn’t know my brain was good at role playing, that was some nice impression. The kid might have actually said something like that to my face a few years ago...” A weird smile tug on the corners of his chapped, blueish lips as he went on. “But the truth is that you decided against coming here because you _really_ needed to get over everything. You were growing fed up with this meaningless, draining ‘friendship’, that offered you nothing in return besides this feel of being annoying, right?”

Yu shook his head.

“I wasn’t and I-..”

“I mean, a bond with a serial killer, who might’ve as well given you quite a few disturbing memories – who would need something like this in their life anyway?” Adachi gave a flaunty shrug of his shoulders. “I bet the older you were getting, the more you asked yourself, why the hell a teen-you had to take on such a burden and make you carry this weight for so long. So my letter was exactly what it was supposed to be – something that could finally set you free.”

“Adachi-san, it’s-..”

“And it’s not like I’m blaming you,” he wasn’t listening. “Both you and Dojima-san should’ve thrown me out of your lives long ago, when I surrendered. Yet just like him, you bore me this company for whole 4 years. Distracted from all the maddening silence, boredom and endless interrogations with the books and letters. Kept sending them even though I sent my scanty ones as rarely as possible... Oh, and you know why I did that, by the way?”

The already weak smile disappeared from Adachi’s face completely and his eyes narrowed again.

“Because I didn’t want to get used to all this _crap_. To cracking a smile while looking at those pieces of paper. To pathetically thinking of you as the only thing in this shitty reality that could keep me sane.” He clenched his trembling hands and switched to loud hissing. “To actually _having something_ in my cursed life here. ‘Cause I _knew_ that it would all end up like this. That I’d lose it all _again._ That no matter what I do I’d be left behind with these _useless_ memories that I now want _erased_ from my damn-..!”

Unable to listen to another single word, Yu leaned in, put his left hand on Adachi’s right shoulder and, after decisively pulling the scrawny body close to his chest, wrapped his right arm tight around it.

Adachi froze and fell silent in an instant.

“I never thought it would all turn out this way,” Yu muttered, slightly crumpling the thin white fabric on the other man’s back with the fingers of his right hand. “I never wanted you to get hurt so badly because of this.”

He shut his eyes and lowered his voice to a whisper.

“I’m terribly sorry I didn’t come here earlier like I wanted to, Adachi-san.”

After a few long and silent seconds, Yu heard a slow, shaky outbreath and then sensed the tensed muscles in the other man’s body relax a little.

“..Damn, you’re the first brain glitch that I’m kinda thankful for, you know?”

With a weak laugh, Adachi carefully raised his right hand and held onto Yu’s left shirt sleeve – uncertainly, as if in fear it evaporates on touch.

“I’ve grown so tired of it mocking and taunting me with these stupid visions all the time, but this..” he trailed off and clenched the shirt in his fingers, “..this probably doesn’t feel so bad.”

Yu sensed the other man rest his forehead on his shoulder and fetch a sigh, relaxing even more.

“..Doesn’t feel so bad at all..” Adachi repeated in a whisper.

His lips curling in a smile, Yu already didn’t mind the unusual circumstances of their meeting. He certainly didn’t enjoy to see Adachi in pieces, yet deep down was somewhat grateful for the unique chance to get to know about his vulnerable and honest side that Yu had never met so up-close before.

Feeling the body in his arms go almost all limp, he heard the whispering voice again.

“Hell, I don’t even wanna wake up from this…”

Yu was no longer willing to break the spell either. He still had questions that he needed to ask in order to get the full picture: the spring letter, for one, still didn’t make much sense. But voicing these questions now, when Adachi made some temporary peace with his own anguished mind, seemed too cruel.

Being completely honest with himself, Yu didn’t want to ruin the unexpectedly warm moment because he enjoyed it just as much.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, after pushing all the questions to the back of his head, and pressed his right hand tighter to the other man’s back. “Me eith-..”

“Hey, Public Safety-san!” the guard’s distant voice from far away in the hallway made Yu stutter to a halt. “30 minutes are up, you need more time?”

Yu sensed the body in his arms get heavy and tense all over in an instant. Stunned, Adachi slowly pulled away and fixed his wide-open eyes on Yu, a complicated mixture of shock, confusion, and sheer terror on his face.

“Just a few more minutes,” Yu replied.

“Alright.”

He felt the hand release his shirt sleeve and almost listlessly drop down, while the dark eyes still stared at his face in utter bewilderment. Yu couldn’t even tell what thoughts raced through Adachi’s mind – it seemed as if his brain just shut down, refusing to address the situation head-on.

After a full minute of silence, Yu realized that Adachi probably needed some time alone to process the facts. He slowly got to his feet and adjusted the coat on his shoulders.

“..I’ll come back in a few days, Adachi-san,” Yu assured him. “I’m staying in Inaba for a while.”

Once he made sure that he had left the new books on the floor, Yu looked Adachi in the eye again and bit the lower lip at the sight of terror still overcoming the exhausted features.

“I know that what you’ve told me here today is quite personal. But I’m afraid I can’t pretend I didn’t hear it,” he said carefully. “And I’m glad I did. Had I known about any of this earlier, things would’ve been different now. For both of us.”

He waited for a possible reaction for some time, but got none at all.

“I can apologize and explain everything to you later once again, if you’d like. Or we can agree to never talk about what happened today. I’m fine with whatever you prefer as long as it doesn’t hamper our future conversations.”

Convinced that Adachi would choose the latter option, Yu waited for a response for a dozen seconds again and then turned toward the door.

“I’ll see you-...”

“Wait.”

At the sound of a low voice, Yu turned around and saw Adachi searching for something in the stack of books near his futon. After taking out a certain volume, he fished out an envelope from under the cover, slowly got to his feet, and neared Yu.

Looking at the extended lean hand, Yu carefully took the envelope and then raised his eyes to Adachi.

“May I open it?”

“It’s yours, so do what you want with it,” the voice was almost toneless. “I don’t want to keep it anymore.”

Yu didn’t understand why Adachi would return him his own letter, but decided to just lower his chin in a nod for the time being.

“All right.”

He waited for a while, in case Adachi would follow up, but as a few moments of silence passed, he quietly exhaled and put his hand on the door.

“I’ll see you later,” he finished the phrase this time, pulled the door, and exited the room.

When under the hallway lights, Yu was about to take a closer look at the letter he got back, but heard the steps along the adjacent hallway and put the envelope in the satchel.

“Didn’t expect your talk to actually last that long,” the guard noted in a loud voice while approaching him.

Yu remained in a daze from everything that happened in the last 30 minutes and failed to come up with any response line.

“You done?” the man asked after he finally walked up to Yu.

“For today, yeah,” he nodded and watched the jailer turn the key in the lock of Adachi’s cell and then raise a brow at him.

“So, you’re serious about those papers you showed?”

Yu just gave another nod in reply.

“Well, everyone who came here before was serious too, but in the end it’s all the same,” the guard shrugged with a chuckle. “Not so easy to drive it home to the higher-ups though, I bet.”

Still not in a condition for proper socializing, Yu didn’t go into details, explaining the situation.

“Well, you.. need anything else?”

“No, thanks,” Yu finally forced a polite smile, realizing that the jailer was getting confused too. “I’ll get back here in a few days, I think. Will I need the ID and permit documents again?”

“Permit ones – yeah. There’s one more guy working at daytime here – Dato-san – and he’s kinda a nerd when it comes to documents, so he’ll need the papers to catch up. Oh, and – since you’ll be visiting for a while and all,” he extended a hand, “Shirazuki.”

Yu extended his gloved hand in return.

“Narukami,” he replied while shaking the jailer’s hand.

The man’s eyes narrowed for a moment.

“Feels like I’ve heard the name somewhere…” he muttered, but then shrugged. “Anyway, take your guest pass card for identification next time. They should make a regular ID card for you, so show up at the front desk and they’ll exchange it for the one you’ve got now.”

“Yeah, they told me that,” Yu nodded.

“Want me to show you the way back?”

“No, thanks, I’m fine,” Yu gestured to the long hallway. “Just straight ahead and then the door to the left, correct?”

“Yeah.”

Yu slightly bowed his head in a goodbye gesture and, after glancing at the door of Adachi’s cell one more time, headed to the long hallway.

***

There was still no one home when Yu got back to the Dojima residence at around 5 pm, so once he put off his coat, he headed to the room upstairs. After turning on the lights, he opened up his bag and found the letter that he wanted to leave on the table until putting the satchel down on the floor. But he froze the very moment he took a closer look at the front of the envelope.

It wasn’t his handwriting and Adachi’s name was in the sender rather than the addressee field. The letter wasn’t _his_ , but rather meant for him. And it had never been sent.

Yu inwardly blamed himself for his own shock that caused him to misinterpret Adachi’s words and not read the letter earlier, back in the detention center. The bag left neglected, he sat on the edge of the sofa, teared the envelope at the side, and fished out a piece of writing paper.

The letter wasn’t as short as the one Yu had received in March. And had a completely different tone from it, too.

_“Guess I should’ve expected a reply to that letter anyway, huh…_

_I’m sure you’ve gotten even more skilled in those persuasive speeches you always loved. But whatever it is you wanna tell me in person, I’m not changing my mind._

_I’m a burden for you, kid. I know it well but have been ignoring this for too long. This bond won’t get either of us anywhere and it’s better for you to stop wasting your time and energy. Which you already don’t have much of these days, from what I’ve heard. So let’s just end this, okay?_

_If you need to hear me say it first-hand, we can make this visit that you wanna pay me our goodbye-talk or something. Can’t say I’m good at them, though, don’t expect much._

_And well, you did make a promise to me about a visit once, long time ago, so looks like you’ll have the chance to keep it after all.”_

Some space below was empty, as if Adachi considered ending the letter at that point.

But then chose to add a line of smaller symbols almost at the bottom.

_“I guess I won’t mind seeing you either. Even if only for the last time.”_

Yu sat motionless, eyes fixed on the piece of writing paper in his hands. He read the letter again and again, feeling his heart clench at certain phrases every single time. Ten minutes later he could almost recite the entire letter from memory, but was still scanning the lines.

He could easily tell why Adachi had decided against sending the sealed envelope. Unlike the letter Yu had received in March, this one made it crystal clear that the intention to cut all ties had never been out of frustration with him. But since Adachi wanted to relieve Yu of the burden that he thought he was, he must have realized that spelling out his actual reason wouldn’t help him achieve anything.

The letter was extremely honest. And being ‘extremely honest’ wasn’t something Adachi could allow himself in most situations. Let alone in this one.

Almost without thinking, Yu got to his feet and neared the travel bag that he had left the day before near the shelf. Once he fished two small items out of the side pocket, he left them in the same hand he had the folded letter in, straightened his back and opened the door, heading downstairs.

Yu passed by the hanger, ignoring his coat, slid the front door open and, after sliding it back, sat down on the wooden porch. He opened his right hand, took one cigarette out of the pack he was holding and lit it up with a small metallic lighter.

A slow, deep drag was followed by a puff of smoke, exhaled into dusky air. Yu put the letter, the pack, and the lighter on the doorstep beside himself and forked his left hand in his bangs, pressing the palm to his forehead. Eyes closed, he brought the cigarette to his lips again and took another drag, trying to calm his thoughts down.

He couldn’t stop blaming himself for the confusion and uncertainty that had clouded his views and perception last spring, letting him give up so easily. He hated to admit that instead of trying to get the answers to the many questions he’d had after receiving the letter, he’d somehow settled with making up these answers on his own, in his own head. And with time, accepted them as the truth.

After he slowly breathed out a cloud of smoke, Yu lowered the cigarette and bit his lip, remembering the last line on the piece of paper that still lay by his side. The line that – he could tell – was especially difficult for Adachi to write and was probably yet another reason the envelope remained unsent.

Yu couldn’t even begin to imagine just how painful it must’ve been to have this frustrated wish for the meeting to occur dwell in the mind and kept inside a dusty book for so long.

“..Big bro?”

Hearing Nanako’s voice, Yu removed the hand from his face and opened his eyes. His cousin, with a school bag on her shoulder, was standing in the gateway.

“Oh. Hey, Nanako,” somewhat flustered, he ashed the cigarette on the ground. “No band practice today?”

“No, we don’t have it on Fridays,” Nanako replied, eyes locked on the cigarette in Yu’s hand and brows slightly knitted in reproach and disappointment. “You’re smoking now too, huh?”

Yu guiltily rubbed his neck.

“Not exactly the way your dad does. It’s not a habit, more like..” he looked at the piece of paper under the metallic lighter out of the corner of his eye, “..an occasional reflex to certain things.” He lifted the half-full cardboard pack. “I’ve had this one since late summer.”

After a few moments of consideration, Nanako slowly came up to the porch and sat down near Yu, who was already putting out the cigarette.

“Did something happen?” she asked in a concerned rather than disapproving tone.

“I’d say a lot happened,” he breathed out with a weak smile on his lips. “And looks like I’m still having trouble catching up with everything.”

“Is it something job-related?”

Yu pressed lips together, trying to soberly consider the possibility of an honest talk with his cousin. He didn’t remember what he himself was like when he was 11, but with what a somber child Nanako had always been, he felt like she’d understand.

“Do you remember Adachi-san?”

There was an understandable pause.

“Not so well, but.. yeah. I remember him coming over for dinners sometimes and helping dad to get home from bars. He was kind and fun, and a good friend to dad and you, right?”

“He still is,” Yu corrected the phrasing. “Did uncle tell you about what happened?”

“ ‘He lost his way because of some bad things that happened to him and made serious mistakes, so now he has to take responsibility’. All he said was something close to this.”

Yu decided not to get into more details than Dojima had chosen to and nodded again.

To his surprise, Nanako went on.

“He’s.. the one behind those cases in 2011, isn’t he?” she asked quietly, her eyes on the ground.

Curling his fingers, Yu took a silent breath and closed his eyes before exhaling.

“Yeah. He is.” He turned to face her. “How did you learn this?”

Nanako replied with a weak smile.

“C’mon, big bro. Sure I was six, but I could put a few things together. Besides,” she creased her brow a little, “there were rumors about him all over the town later. Everyone suddenly started saying that he had always looked suspicious, that he selfishly used some old lady’s kindness and that he was always cruel to all the kids around…”

She paused to take a slow breath and then continued.

“Once, I told a boy, who was saying this ugly stuff, to stop because he didn’t know what Adachi-san was really like. After that, everyone at school started chanting I was “friends with a murderer” every time they saw me. I didn’t pay much attention, but soon it all turned into a huge mess: parents were telling kids to avoid me, teachers started to ask weird questions… In the end, dad got called to a big school meeting with me, teachers, and parents.”

Her lips shaped a smile.

“They tried to blame him for not properly educating me on the difference between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, but he got right back at all of them, saying that I knew about these things more than any adult person in the entire town. He also asked if the school staff or parents needed some “discipline maintenance lessons”, because – in his opinion – they weren’t coping with the behavior of the rest of the children at all. Then he grabbed me and left. And got us a big sushi set in Junes on the way home.”

Yu mirrored Nanako’s slight smirk. He could vividly imagine his uncle standing his ground like that.

“It got better at school afterwards?”

“Yeah. With time they just forgot about all this.”

They both stayed silent for more than half a minute. Yu never knew Nanako had to go through something like that, but felt the same immense pride for her that Dojima probably had when this whole situation unfolded.

“..So, Adachi-san’s in prison now?”

“In detention,” Yu clarified. “To go to prison, he has to get a verdict and a sentence. And he can’t have them yet, because his case is too complicated to deal with in court. No one can lead it to a trial.”

“But it’s been..” Nanako furrowed her brow, recollecting, “full five years, right? Can someone be detained for that long?”

Yu slowly heaved another sigh and faced the gateway.

“Not normally, no. There are a few clues against him, but they don’t help to answer the most important questions, so they are almost useless, legally. He did give these answers in the confession, but they aren’t..” he pondered over a word for a second, “conventional and don’t stand any legal ground either. But a certain department that deals with rare and specific cases like this one acknowledged these answers. And has some power to insist on the unusually prolonged detention.”

Even with his face turned away, Yu could feel his cousin’s eyes on him.

“Is it the same department you’re working with now?”

Yu couldn’t help but chuckle at Nanako’s shrewdness.

“It is.”

“And you’re on their side?”

After taking his time with the reply, Yu slowly turned his face back to Nanako and smiled wryly at her.

“I have to be, right?”

“But..” Nanako lowered her eyes to the pack of cigarettes in Yu’s hands, “..you’re worried about him.”

Yu tightened the grip on the cardboard.

“..I visited him today,” he said in a low voice, facing the gateway again, “and he’s in a worse condition than I could’ve imagined. He was damaged enough 5 years ago, but now he’s almost fully broken. And it’s partially my fault, too, because I-..” he clenched his fists, “-..because I left him behind. And I’m not leaving again until I make sure he feels better.”

“So, he’s that person the time of your stay here depends on,” Nanako summed up after a few moments. “But big bro, is it..” she turned to the right, looking Yu in the eye, her brow furrowed, “..is it possible for someone to feel even a little better when they have to live in jail?”

Yu bit his lower lip from the inside and dropped his eyes.

“The only way I can help him is to let him finally get a sentence and go to prison,” he muttered. “I want to believe that it will help him at least to some extent.”

Nanako didn’t respond for a while and then sharply breathed out.

“If you ask me, I think it’s all just dumb,” she said decisively. “If they can’t get him into prison, they should just place him under house arrest or something. And those five years can count as a sentence, too. I mean, isn’t it long enough?”

Yu couldn’t help but give out a weak laugh. He wished that at least sometimes the world were as simple as an eleven-year-old imagined it to be.

“Legal things are more difficult than that, Nanako. But,” he gently smiled at her, “thanks for thinking about all this the way you do. It means a lot to me, really.”

“Just like Adachi-san does, right?” Nanako smiled at him back and then got up to her feet. “I bet you still haven’t had dinner,” she said as she slid the front door open and stepped inside. “There are some leftovers, but I can cook something fresh, too. There was a sale at Junes yesterday, so we’ve got-…”

His faraway look fixed on the cigarette pack in his hands, Yu was sitting still and couldn’t distinctly hear Nanako’s words. His mind was somewhere else entirely, revolving over the single line he just heard.

“..Big bro?”

He snapped out of it and turned around to the door where Nanako was standing.

“Yeah, sorry,” he smiled at her, took the letter and the lighter from the porch, and stood up. “I’d have some of that curry you made yesterday. Is there any left?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Along with the slow 'day after day' pacing that differs from the prequel, I have rare bits of Adachi-centric 3rd person POV in this fic. The bits are mostly short and will appear irregularly, covering some of the time when Yu's not around (Yu-centric POV is still main).  
> To show that I'm changing the POV, I'll be using "###" (ironic symbol choice intended) for convenience.

###

Inspecting the three books again and again didn’t seem to help at all. He read the summaries he couldn’t recognize, looked through the first few pages that didn’t remind him of anything he’d read before – but still couldn’t be completely sure that those weren’t just some five-year-old novels he got out of a long forgotten stack in his own cell to reread them. His memory had been too blurry lately to safely rely on it.

After waking up on the next morning Adachi was no longer sure that the visit of the previous day wasn’t just a mocking illusion after all.

The letter, absent from the book in the stack next to the futon, was the most reassuring evidence he had, but he still didn’t feel convinced that he hadn’t just finally torn it up into pieces and thrown out of the window in some sort of a mental blackout. Hallucinations were already a thing and there was no reason why blackouts couldn’t become one.

He spent the entire first half of the day trying to make sense of his memories but after he finally gave up he switched to mulling over the if/if not scenarios. The ‘if the visit wasn’t real’ one turned out not to be worthy of any further pondering: that was just it, plain and simple. Yet another proof of him losing it, but it was barely news at that point.

The moment Adachi considered the other possibility, he let out a quiet, shaky laugh. Even if the visit did occur, he could hardly believe there’d be another one. Not after the pathetic meltdown he’d had.

The promise of a visit echoed in Adachi’s head and he smiled wryly: he had already believed in similar words before and the belief backfired. He knew that he’d be a complete and utter idiot if he chose to give in to something like that one more time.

Hearing the guard’s steps along the corridor, Adachi slowly got to his feet and neared the door, determined to get it all settled. Once the steps were close enough, he spoke up.

“Hey, uh.. can I ask something?”

He heard a few more steps in the direction of his cell.

“Looks like the Tokyo guy’s visit livened you up, huh?” the guard sneered, still from afar. “Haven’t heard you talk to real people in months.”

Adachi slowly shifted his gaze to the books near his futon. The three new books that were now his only tangible proof and a memento of the visit that he’d been anticipating for almost a year.

And completely ruined in half an hour.

He slowly closed his eyes, trying to ignore the heavy feeling that was weighing him on the inside.

“..Never mind,” he muttered and made a step to the futon.

He was just about to sit down on it and take some time with accepting his major screw-up when he heard the key unlock the door to his cell and turned around to see a guard, preparing the handcuffs.

“Well, he’s back to see you again now, so you can try asking _him_ this whatever I should never mind.”

Startled, Adachi didn’t move.

“..What?”

“Yeah, I was surprised to see him here again so soon too,” the jailer shrugged, unable to understand just how shocking this fact was for Adachi, who considered his fit to be the end of it all.

Feeling almost light-headed, he stepped toward the door and stretched out both hands. Once the metal locked around his sore wrists, he went out of the cell.

Walking along the narrow corridor in front of the jailer, Adachi was about to stop near the door to the visiting room he’d always been led to when Dojima still used to visit. But the guard gave him a push forward.

“Nah, keep going.”

He knew well that there were only interrogation rooms ahead and slowed down the pace without even realizing it. Those rooms never implied any good and repulsed him to the point of nausea. Besides, a guest meeting in such a place just didn’t make sense.

Despite the inner doubts, he soon recognized a tall gray-haired figure standing near one of the room doors ahead. As Adachi was closing in on it, he could clearly see the same old haircut, which probably made it so easy for his ill, half-asleep brain to ignore the many differences the other day and assume this was the exact same Yu from 5 years ago.

A few dozen steps later his more solid grasp on reality and better lighting allowed him to register a more mature look on the face and examine the outfit he had never seen Yu in before yesterday. The dark shirt with rolled up sleeves would’ve made him resemble Dojima from his detective days, if not for the striped vest on top. The black gloves didn’t seem to be of the regular outdoor kind – if they were, Yu already had enough time to take them off. Like he did with the light-gray coat that he was holding in his hands.

After getting one of Yu’s good old smiles – which he never thought he’d ever see again – as a wordless greeting, Adachi glanced down at his own wrinkled shirt and sighed, low-key wishing he had put on a tie at least.

###

“Are they necessary?” Yu asked Shirazuki, who was searching for the key to the room.

“The handcuffs?” the jailer finally found the key and opened the heavy door. “Yeah. Protocol.”

Yu knew there was no point in arguing and just pressed his lips together at the sight of Adachi’s wounded hands, locked in metal.

When the guard switched on the lights, Yu stepped into the room first and neared the small square table. Apart from the two chairs next to it, there was literally nothing around.

“I’ll be right outside,” Shirazuki said after letting Adachi in the room.

“I think it may take long,” Yu warned him, but the guard just shrugged.

“Waiting’s just the kind of work I do.”

When he closed the door from the outside, Yu put a folder he’d been holding under his arm on the table and motioned to the chair on the other side of the desk. While he was taking off his satchel, Adachi made a few steps and sat on the chair, laying his arms with the elbows on the table. ‘Hands in the open’ – like he most likely was already used to be ordered all the time.

Inadvertently, Yu’s eyes locked on the bloody sore wrists in the handcuffs again.

“Sorry for this,” he muttered after sitting down, brow slightly furrowed. “Other than this room that you probably hate, handcuffs are the reason why I didn’t want to see you out of the cell yesterday. I knew the guard would put them on.”

The left corner of Adachi’s mouth slightly turned up.

“Well, murderers _are_ a dangerous folk. Safety restrictions are necessary.”

A sad, knowing smile surfaced on Yu’s lips but he didn’t say a word.

“I don’t mind them, by the way,” Adachi shrugged. “And it would’ve been much better if you’d called me out of the cell yesterday. Wouldn’t have had to witness that cheap, pathetic drama.”

Yu lifted his gaze and opened his mouth, ready to disagree.

“Adachi-san, I-..”

“You mentioned coming back “in a few days” though,” Adachi cut him off on purpose. “What’s the sudden rush? And what’s this all about anyway?”

Without saying anything, Yu reached for his folder, attracting Adachi’s attention to it. When he took out an envelope and put it on the table surface, Adachi visibly regretted his question. Just as he, perhaps, regretted giving Yu that letter in his dazed state the other day.

“I vaguely remember you offering no discussions whatsoever as a possibility,” he muttered while blankly staring at the envelope and then raised his eyes to Yu. “Because I’d really rather not have them.”

“I had suggested that _before_ I read the letter,” Yu contradicted.

“How come the letter changes anything?”

Yu pointed at his own name on the envelope.

“It has my address,” he said in a calm and confident voice. “Unlike everything you said yesterday, you were going to say this directly to the real me back in spring.”

Adachi screwed up his lips, unable to disprove the truth.

“And even though you decided to not send this letter,” Yu went on, “I can’t ignore the fact that the idea of being some sort of a burden has been running through your mind for almost a year.”

“A year?” Adachi chuckled wryly. “I’ve known this from the _very start_.”

“You mentioned it too. But I don’t quite understand what made you bring this up so suddenly last spring,” his brow knitted, Yu peered into Adachi’s face. “What made you write that first letter, Adachi-san?”

His expression unreadable, Adachi didn’t say anything. For a few moments he was just peering into Yu’s face in return, as if trying to estimate the sincerity of his confusion and worry.

“You really have no idea, huh,” he gave up at last.

Yu’s brows furrowed even more.

“Is it because of something I should know about?”

With a sigh, Adachi closed his eyes.

“Not necessarily, I guess,” he shrugged.

After vainly waiting for any sort of continuation to the recent line, Yu heaved a sigh of his own. He knew that asking Adachi to be even remotely as frank as he had been yesterday would be pointless.

“I wish you could tell me the reason, even if at a later time,” he said at last, staring at the envelope on the table, and then raised his gaze up. “And as for the ‘rush’ – I wanted to bring you round to the fact that I never considered you a burden as soon as possible.” He glanced at the letter again. “I know I’m already eight months late with it. And like I told you yesterday, I do regret not visiting you earlier. We both just made wrong assumptions about each other without properly talking everything through.”

Yu’s lips relaxed into a soft smile.

“And I’m glad to see you again. Especially knowing that you actually didn’t want to cut ties either.”

As if unable to look at the curve of Yu’s smile, Adachi averted his eyes, lips a thin line.

“I don’t really remember what I said in that thing,” he nodded towards the envelope on the table, “but I’m pretty sure I mentioned that I don’t expect you to change my mind on the fact that I-...”

“Adachi-san,” Yu decisively cut him off. “I’m not insisting on discussing the things from yesterday. But, as I’ve said, I’m not going to pretend that I heard nothing. Don’t play me for a fool, please.”

Adachi shut his eyes to a click of his tongue and exhaled.

“You literally _are_ one, if you’re clinging to this silly, useless bond,” he sighed. “You’ve got a nice job at that Public Safety department and probably have lots of term papers to write for your law school now, right? Why are you even here?”

“I’ve handed in all the term papers already,” Yu replied, leaving out the fact that he did so upfront just a few days ago. “And regarding my job…”

He reached for the folder again and, after opening one of the first pages, turned it around and pushed forward. Adachi lazily lifted one eyebrow at him, but Yu just as silently nodded toward the folder. Upon breathing out a sigh, Adachi pulled the folder closer and lowered his eyes to the document in the plastic sleeve.

A few seconds later he shot the surprise gaze back up.

“I’ve been granted all the rights and responsibilities of a Public Safety official,” Yu said, dispelling the possible doubts. “I’ll be taking care of the legal preparations too but, most likely, won’t be able to participate in the official proceedings, since I need 2 more years to get a proper degree and pass the bar exam.”

Adachi lowered his eyes back to the document that assigned Yu to lead his case – and then looked up again.

“Why does Public Safety suddenly care about me anyway?” he arched an eyebrow. “I mean, they were on me at the start, but I thought the Shadow Operatives would have more important things to deal with than a crazy murder case from 5 years ago. Especially when the culprit is properly isolated.”

“They are well aware that you’re still being dragged through the exhausting procedures that should’ve stopped for you long ago,” Yu contradicted. “There’s nothing ‘proper’ about it.”

“Guess that’s what you get for killing two people, huh,” Adachi shrugged. “Nothing so wrong about this.”

Yu closed his eyes and let out a sharp breath.

“I appreciate your effort to appear absolutely okay with everything, Adachi-san. You’ve still got your pride and your acting’s as impressive as I remember it. I even get the feeling like I’m talking to the exact same man I used to know years ago.”

Adachi stared at him dead-pan.

“What are you getting at?”

“You can drop your performance in front of me since I know you’re not all right,” Yu replied, looking Adachi in the eye. “Because of what happened yesterday. Because of what I heard from uncle and saw during that show. Because I’m human too and I realize that being completely isolated from the world for 5 years while having to go through ruthless and humiliating interrogations all the time can break anyone.” He paused. “And because you were never truly ‘all right’ to begin with.”

A crooked smile tugged on Adachi’s lips.

“Enjoyed that ugly breakdown the other day, huh?”

“I don’t enjoy watching you suffer,” Yu shook his head. “But it’s not even about me right now. I’m trying to say that you shouldn’t go out of your way to put on a happy face, at least in my presence. I know you’re unwell and I want to help.”

Adachi was silent for a while before he simply shrugged again.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not “going out of my way” for anyone’s sake but my own. I feel disgusted when I have to see that pathetic version of myself on the loose. So if my “performance” can keep it at bay, I’ll go on with the act as long as I can.”

Yu held the tired gaze for a while and then nodded.

“If you do feel better this way, I don’t mind. I just wanted to make it clear that you can freely express yourself in my presence. Whatever it is, it won’t make me turn away.”

“Considering the unlucky assignment, I guess you don’t have much choice but to tolerate my ‘whatever it is’, huh.”

“It’s my own choice too,” Yu contradicted calmly.

He could register a hint of surprise on the face opposite him but it disappeared almost the next instant and got replaced by a snicker.

“The case aside, I would’ve understood if you “turned away” after the other day, y’know. Didn’t expect to see you back at all.”

“I guessed as much,” Yu closed his eyes and cracked a smile. “That’s the other reason why I got here today: I didn’t want to give you the time for starting to have doubts about my promise.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have ever started having them, had these doubts not proved correct once,” Adachi replied with a somewhat dry chuckle.

Pressing his lips together, Yu guiltily lowered his eyes to the table.

“Right,” he agreed, smiling bitterly. “In the end, apologies won’t erase your past eight months and reestablish your trust in me that easily…”

The room sank into silence for almost a minute until there was a metallic clank. Yu lifted his gaze and saw Adachi ruffle his hair with one of the hands, a perplexed look on his face.

“..Never mind that wisecrack, kid,” he finally said while looking the other way. "We're good, I guess."

Yu’s lips slowly relaxed into a smile as Adachi’s words gave him hope that they could move past this huge misunderstanding after all.

“Still ‘kid’, Adachi-san? Really?”

“You’ll always be a ‘kid’, kid,” Adachi bantered back. “You don’t even look much different.”

“Much?” Yu chuckled. “I do at least a little then?”

“Well, you’ve got these cloying host-like vibes now,” Adachi shrugged indifferently. “But that was something to be expected of you after 5 years spent in the city.”

Unsure how to take such a compliment, Yu silently rubbed his neck in confusion.

“So, you watched that cursed show, huh?” After a short pause, Adachi smirked. “Was I any good on screen?”

Yu replied with a wan smile.

“You were terrible.”

“Heh, you should’ve seen me before the broadcast – _that_ was terrible,” Adachi pointed at his own hair. “They gave me a stylist and all, so it was probably the best I could possibly look.”

Yu bit his lower lip. Given the unhealthily scrawny physique and the extreme exhaustion written all over the unnaturally pale face, he couldn’t – and barely wanted to – imagine Adachi looking worse than he already did.

“It wasn’t just the looks, it’s…” he paused and closed his eyes for a moment as he was trying to formulate his thoughts, “..how apathetic and conformable you were while those people kept brutally dragging and humiliating you for the entirety of the show.”

“Well, how else could’ve I behaved?” Adachi laughed again. “I knew exactly what it’d be like from the moment I got told I’d be a part of the show. It’s not like they would’ve staged the interview to force me into some sort of redemption or anything. I expected just that sort of hate, disgust and a bunch of ill wishes...” he trailed off. “But hey, how did you even happen to see the show? I thought you didn’t usually watch TV, like you wrote in one of your letters.”

Yu pressed his lips together before replying.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on all the case-related news online. So I learned about the interview when they announced it a few days ahead of the broadcast.”

He could tell this sounded surprising by how Adachi’s brows flew up and eyes widened.

“You mean, you’ve been monitoring my case all this time?”

Yu nodded and put his gloved hand on the folder.

“Half of this is the officially released information that I have collected throughout the years on my own. The other half are the documents I could only get my hands on after joining the Operatives,” he explained. “I’m almost all caught up with the entire situation.”

He was waiting for a response while keeping his eyes on the folder but after hearing silence for what seemed to be too long he raised his eyes to the face at the opposite end of the desk. 

Adachi’s eyes were also cast down, a weak, almost flustered smile on his lips. As if feeling Yu’s stare, he spoke up.

“It’s been a long time since I last called you ‘weird’ in person, y’know. But looks like this doesn’t even cover it anymore,” still smiling, he lifted his gaze and arched an eyebrow. “ ’Cause you’re _insane_ , kid.”

The phrase didn’t have the slightest hint of conceit, disdain, or disapproval. If anything, it conveyed low-key but sincere amazement.

“Should I take this as a compliment?” Yu bent an eyebrow in return.

“Depends on the standards you have for yourself now,” Adachi chuckled. “But I figure they haven’t changed at all and this is exactly what you’ve always been striving for. From my point of view, anyway.”

With a short heartfelt laugh, Yu lowered his eyes to the table again.

“With this sort of a scrap-booking hobby, no wonder they gave you this assignment, huh. And, I guess, it’s natural to want to see the case you were a part of years ago be finally dealt with,” Adachi shrugged. “I don’t mind if your department is set on getting me a life sentence, by the way. I just want it all to finally be over.”

Eyes still on the table, Yu bit his lower lip and simply didn’t find the way to answer.

“You’re staying with the Dojimas again for the time being, right?” Adachi changed the topic after an extended moment.

“Yeah, getting some of my stuff delivered to their residence tomorrow morning,” Yu nodded. “Although, I’ve been thinking of renting a place of my own. In Okina, probably for convenience.”

“Nah, wouldn’t recommend that. The rent’s crazy just because it’s a city,” Adachi shook his head with a soft laugh. “I remember wanting to stick to the city feel after the transfer from Tokyo, so I found a place here. But it ended up being almost three times costlier than the most expensive place in Inaba. Canceled the deal immediately, such a rip-off…”

Talking about something that had been so casual once but felt so bygone and vague now, made Adachi look and sound relaxed in some pleasurably natural way; as if he managed to forget about the metal handcuffs on his wrists for even if just a few moments.

“Later I was told that even some Okina workers choose to live in Inaba and commute from there,” Adachi went on, “so doing just the opposite was kind of moronic. Besides, with the regular car service costs added up to the rent, I would’ve had to spend more than I earned.”

He let out a mirthless laugh.

“..Guess I’ve found the cheapest way of living in the end – no work, no commute, and no rent to pay…”

The relaxed look on his face got clouded with wistfulness, and Yu couldn’t help but silently ball his gloved hands into fists.

“I wonder if the town ever managed to give that place I used to live in up for the rent again.” Adachi forced a smirk, looking Yu in the eye. “Something tells me it didn’t. So, if you’re looking for a separate place, give it a shot maybe?”

Unable to tell what exactly about the line stunned him, Yu failed to come up with the reply again.

“Just kidding, of course,” Adachi chuckled in a mere moment and then, looking aside, lowered his voice. “Of all people, you’re the last person who’d want to visit that place, that’s for sure…”

Yu was still attempting to recover, searching for the fitting response, but heard the voice resume talking before he could find any words.

“I bet Dojima-san and Nanako-chan would be quite sad if you moved out, though. They really enjoyed your stay 5 years ago. I think Dojima-san has considered you a part of the closest family ever since.”

“I’ll be visiting or staying with Nanako whenever she or uncle want me to,” Yu explained. “It would just feel.. right if I had a place of my own. To not be the same sort of a freeloader I was 5 years ago.”

“Well, teenagers _ought_ to be freeloaders.” Adachi cracked a smile. “..But I bet it feels good to have both your own space and the caring people to get back to anytime.”

Pressing his lips together, Yu felt his heart clench and lowered his gaze to the folder.

“..Yeah. It does.”

They both didn’t say a word for what felt like an entire minute.

“Can we end this here for today?” Adachi asked at last with forced casualness. “I totally fell out of the habit to hold long convos, so I’m kinda exhausted already.”

Yu felt guilty for not contributing to the conversation much in the past few minutes but had an inkling that Adachi’s exhaustion was only a part of the actual reason. The other part was probably the cracks in his façade starting to show, which Adachi didn’t enjoy but could hardly control.

“Sure,” Yu reached for the folder and the envelop on the desk and started to put them in his bag that he left on the floor. “We’ll need to talk about the case next time, though. Otherwise, it’ll be just the same kind of loitering you’ve had before.”

“Well, I wouldn’t compare what I’ve had till now with anything,” Adachi chuckled. “But it will definitely be a waste of time for you and your department if we just continue to chat here. So deal.”

“I’ll also need you to sign some papers stating your voluntary cooperation,” Yu warned. “I know you used to sign those, but-…”

“They’re necessary every time a new person’s in charge, yeah.” Adachi sarcastically bent an eyebrow. “I may not be fully “all right” here, but I’m an ex-cop, kid, so c’mon.”

Yu rubbed his neck with a laugh.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“You don’t have them on you? Everyone used to bring those papers right on the first day.”

“I figured it would be better to make sure you would indeed agree to cooperate before preparing the statement,” Yu clarified.

Adachi failed to stifle a laugh.

“And _that_ ’s why I told you law enforcement’s totally not your thing,” he smirked. “Hopefully, my case will be your first and last assignment in this line of work.”

“Shadow Operatives need different skills, so this is useful experience,” Yu offered a smile in return as he rose from the chair and put his satchel over the shoulder. “I’ll get back here when I prepare the papers then.”

The moment he said that, he could register a change on Adachi’s face. Although the man himself said nothing and Yu couldn’t exactly discern the emotion he saw, he realized what might have caused it.

“Day after tomorrow, I think,” he added in a casual manner after he hung his coat over his left arm. “I should manage by then, but even if not – I’ll come by.”

Some sort of a disturbed emotion was gone from Adachi’s face.

“Whatever day’s fine with me,” Adachi said with put-on nonchalance and started to get up from his chair as well.

After making a mental note not to talk about future plans in vague terms, Yu neared the door and opened it, letting Adachi step out of the room first. Shirazuki immediately pushed away from the wall opposing the exit that he’d been leaning against.

“Well, didn’t take that long,” the guard said as Adachi let out a tired sigh and showed him the cuffed wrists for a regular check. “His previous interrogations used to be much longer.”

Yu still disliked the word but wasn’t sure contradicting again was the right thing to do. After all, they were indeed supposed to discuss the case instead of spending almost 40 minutes talking about private matters.

Hearing Adachi breathe out a barely hearable chuckle, Yu realized that he too could hardly call their talk an ‘interrogation’. For some reason, this felt reassuring enough: whatever anyone else called their meetings didn’t really matter as long as they both were content with what these meetings were like.

Without giving any commands, Shirazuki started to walk along the hallway in a familiar direction. Making paced steps forward, Adachi and Yu followed him.

“You’ve started any of the books yet?” Yu asked in a low voice.

“Mostly was figuring out if-..” there was a momentary halt and then a shrug of the shoulders, “..-I’d want to read any of them in general. First pages weren’t that impressive.”

“I bought them right before leaving the city and didn’t have enough time to give them a good look. But two of them were selling pretty well.”

“Hah, as if that’s the quality marker.” Adachi looked at Yu out of the corner of his eyes and gave him a tired smirk. “Not that your taste is either, though.”

“I got told that you quite like my taste in books,” Yu’s lips curled in a mischievous smile in return.

“You’re still fond of twisting words, eh? I told Dojima-san that I like your book choice better than _his_. That’s all.”

“I don’t see that much of a difference in the phrasing,” with a shake of his head, Yu chuckled.

A split second later he raised his eyebrows as the guard in front of them abruptly stopped, making him and Adachi cease the steps as well.

“Hell, I _knew_ I heard your name somewhere,” Shirazuki had a strange grin on his face as he turned around and looked at Yu. “The letters and packages. You’re the one who’s been sending them for 4 years.”

Yu somewhat regretted openly mentioning the books in the guard’s presence, but at the same time knew that the man could’ve remembered his name at any time on his own. Besides, he never intended to keep the fact a secret anyway – it didn’t seem like something worth hiding.

For Shirazuki, however, this was a sensation.

“Wow, damn! Never thought I’d ever meet the crazy guy in person. Especially not after how you went off the radar for like a year. Me and my pals here decided that you finally got a life or something.”

Yu wasn’t sure how to react, but he wasn’t even given much time to think about it.

“The ‘crazy guy’ earned his law enforcement degree, entered a post grad law school, and joined Public Safety’s investigative group.” Adachi huffed a laugh. “You and your pals can only dream of ever getting a life like this, eh?”

Surprised at the interference, Yu turned his face to the right and saw Adachi dourly eye the guard. Who just sneered in return.

“Bet you’re glad to have a place in that life again, cuz from what I always gathered being left out was what made you start losing marbles,” Shirazuki taunted. “Got them back in place fast enough, it seems. But we’re not canceling that Tuesday appointment now anyway. Just so you know.”

Adachi pressed his lips together and didn’t respond.

“What sort of appointment?” Yu asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

“Huh? You haven’t told him?” the guard chuckled and turned back to Yu, his head slightly tilted to the right. “A shrink’s gonna visit to check up on ‘im. A request from the local medics.”

Yu glanced at Adachi’s completely emotionless face and recognized the reaction from the times when he was trying to conceal his repulsive attitude to the topic at hand.

“Who would’ve imagined that the murderer’s penpal is in goddamn Public Safety, though, hah,” Shirazuki went on. “So that’s why you’re here – to help out your bud? Gonna get him clean of all charges?”

“I was assigned to get him a trial and a sentence,” Yu answered in a level voice, looking the guard in the eye. “It’s as much as I can do to put an end to this.”

Shirazuki seemed to be disappointed with the boring reply, so he just shrugged indifferently and turned around.

“Well, good luck with wasting your time on the dumb case that no one can ever close,” he scoffed loud enough for the two to hear and resumed walking along the hallway.

Adachi and Yu followed him, this time in silence.

When all three neared the cell, the guard unlocked the metal door first, Adachi’s handcuffs next. With his sore hands free again, Adachi entered the cramped cell and disappeared behind the closed door.

“My next shift’s in two days, but I figure you’re gonna be back here tomorrow, right?” Shirazuki jeered as he turned the key in the lock and made a few steps away from the cell.

“Day after it. I need to prepare the cooperation statement first,” Yu calmly replied, ignoring the caustic tone. “Speaking of papers. I need the copies of the files that are stored up in the archive. But I was told that I need a written request from here.”

“It’s just a personal profile and the case summary up there,” the jailer screwed up his lips, openly demonstrating the unwillingness to assist in any way. “The usual stuff.”

“I’m afraid I still need it.”

For a second, Yu thought that Shirazuki would spit him in the face.

“..Fine then,” the guard mumbled at last and took off in the direction of the office room that he had been staying in the day before. Despite the lack of invitation, Yu followed suit.

“So, your coworker will be here on Monday?” Yu asked in a casual manner. “Dato-san, right?”

“Yeah,” the man replied dryly.

“You’re all on a shift basis then?”

Shirazuki let out a sharp, slightly irritated breath but caved in for the small talk.

“It’s one guy on the day shift and one on the night shift. Both work 12 hours for 2 days in a row. Then have 2 days off while the other two guys do the same job. Rinse and repeat.”

“And you have night-shifts too?”

The jailer pulled the door to his office and went inside first.

“Never had them and never would wanna have,” he came up to the cluttered desk and found some blank form in the document stacks. “All the troublesome stuff regularly happens at nighttime and I’d hate to deal with it more often than I already have to.”

“Is this ‘troublesome stuff’ related to the reason why the center arranged a psychiatrist’s visit?” Yu asked after closing the door to the office room behind himself. Learning more about the scheduled appointment without Adachi around was his plan all along.

“Yeah,” Shirazuki plopped himself into a chair, got out a pen and started to fill in the blank form. “He has these occasional ‘fits’ where he would just suddenly start talking to himself. It’s mostly rare and bearable in daytime, but exhausting at nights when you’re trying to have a nap here. This crazy stuff even got one of our night-shift guys kicked out.”

“You mean, he quit because of it?”

“I mean _got fired_ ,” the jailer gave Yu a sullen look from under his eyebrows, as if it all were Yu’s fault. “He couldn’t shut that psycho up and gave him quite the beating a few times. The infirmary staff didn’t enjoy the additional work, so they complained to the higher-ups.”

Yu gritted his teeth and clenched his fists but forced himself to stay silent.

“That was in late summer,” Shirazuki continued as he lowered his eyes back to the document. “The other guard from the night-shift probably still holds the grudge for his partner but keeps cool. And the new guy just reports all this stuff to the medics. The latest fit was just a day or two after the show, so they threw their hands and called a shrink, cuz they think he’s demented.”

His lips pressed tight and thoughts a mess, Yu silently waited until Shirazuki finished the blank.

“You’re welcome,” the jailer stretched out his arm with the form, obviously not meaning any ‘welcome’ with the tone of his voice.

“Thanks,” Yu gave a polite nod anyway as he took the request in his hands.

Leaning back in his chair, Shirazuki crossed the hands on his chest and smirked.

“You know, it’s kinda funny that he actually looks like he’s a bit better now, when somebody gave him some attention again.”

“And how exactly is this “funny”?” Yu looked straight at the guard, hearing his own voice get lower and sterner.

“Funny cuz it’s his own fault that he made everyone turn away,” the guard shrugged, holding Yu’s slightly narrowed gaze. “When you stopped sending him stuff in return for his rare letters, I thought you finally realized you’re just wasting your time here. Just like that detective, who stopped visiting after this bastard refused to meet him once. I mean, what’s the point of caring for someone like that?”

“Someone like what?”

“Who obviously doesn’t care back!”

With his eyes half-closed, Yu shook his head.

“He does. He’s bad at and afraid of showing it, but he cares.”

“Afraid? Of _what_?” the guard scoffed. “Seriously, Narukami, you’re giving him way too much credit. He only cares about having someone, who cares about _him_. That’s it. He’s just a selfish jerk.”

Yu recognized the bitter feeling from long ago. The feeling that he was one of so very few people, who could or were willing to see past Adachi’s disguise. No matter how shattered and easy to look through this disguise was now, no one seemed to want to even try.

But all Yu did in response was fetch a sigh as he decided to leave things at that. Shirazuki had 5 years or so to form his opinion. A 5-minute conversation had from low to no chances of affecting it.

“All wishes and motivations are selfish, if you think about it,” Yu calmly summed up. “I’m in no position to change your mind, but he’s nowhere as plain and simple as you’re trying to make him look.”

“I make him look the bastard he is,” the man retorted and made a dismissive wave of his hand. “But whatever floats your boat. There should be some records on the fits in the profile, so good luck studying them.”

“Thanks,” Yu answered with a reserved nod.

From how Shirazuki continued to sit in his chair, Yu understood that he was not getting company on his way back. Relieved at that, he left the room and, with the request form in his hand, went back along the hallway.

When passing by the 4 doors of the empty solitary cells, Yu fixed his eyes on the last one, planning to come up to it again.

“Kid, got a sec?”

The muffled sound of Adachi’s voice, addressing him before he had the time to near the corner, made Yu’s lips curl up.

The high and narrow window in the door allowed him to see Adachi leaning against the wall to the right of his cell’s exit.

“There’re still lots of papers at Inaba’s station, from what I’ve heard. They usually leave the files where the case was started, for convenience.” He smiled weakly. “Dojima-san was forced to prepare most of them to prove that his was uninvolved with me, so the quality has to be nothing short of perfect. He also still has electronic copies, I bet.”

“Thanks, I’ll visit uncle at the station tomorrow and ask him about it then,” Yu nodded. “Do you maybe need something that I should bring next time? Food, clothes or anything?”

Adachi was silent for a while before smirking at Yu.

“Beer?”

“Anything but that,” Yu smiled back, knowing perfectly that Adachi was aware of the restrictions.

“Canned coffee at least?” he let out a theatrically disappointed sigh anyway.

“Any specific type you like?”

With a snicker, Adachi arched an eyebrow.

“Kid, I can’t remember when I had _any_ coffee at all.”

“This doesn’t make my question irrelevant,” Yu calmly noted.

He heard Adachi sigh again – this time with eyes cast down and the corners of his lips still slightly turned upward.

“..Sugar, no cream, then.”

Yu bent a surprised eyebrow in return.

“I would’ve imagined ‘no sugar’, either.”

“Nah, black is up Dojima-san’s alley,” Adachi laughed to a shake of his head. “I’ve had enough of the hot bitter acid at the station. Cold-brewed and sweet is way better.”

As if he were just entrusted with a secret, Yu chuckled.

“Got it. Till Monday then.”

“Yeah,” Adachi lifted his gaze back and offered another tired smile. “Later.”

After Yu watched Adachi push away from the wall and go back to the futon part of the cell, he turned around and proceeded along the hall, heading for the second-floor archive.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a vague reference to p5r in here but it's in no way spoilery because 1) it's very vague and 2) it's all my behind-the-scenes canon divergent p5r au anyway. So if you haven't played the game yet, you're safe.

“That’s all I’ve got,” Dojima handed Yu the USB-flash over his work desk. “There’s a folder with the very first reports that were sent to the chief of your department back then. The chain of email exchanges with her is probably worth looking at - it’s longer than with the others since for some reason your boss was the only one, who took the reports seriously.”

Yu just nodded without providing explanations that wouldn’t have gotten them both anywhere anyway.

“He used to adjust the story a little every time he worked with a new detective or prosecutor – probably hoping that it would help to bring the case to a close. The reasons for the kidnapping instigation charges were vague enough, but when it came down to the murders it all hit the wall,” Dojima shook his head. “Too many questions without proper answers from the forensics.”

“Yeah,” Yu nodded again. “I’ve read about it.”

It wasn’t unusual for him that the forensics failed to determine the causes of both deaths – he would’ve been more surprised had they succeeded. And it appeared quite natural that without knowing these causes there was little the prosecuting side could do apart from trying to get this information out of the perpetrator.

The greatest challenge in this situation was that no matter how many interrogations there were, the conveniently rational truth that everyone wanted to find simply didn’t exist.

“The cooperation statement sample was updated some time ago, so I gave you the latest version just in case you had an older one,” Dojima added. “Anything else you might need?”

Yu paused to think for a while.

“If I remember correctly, there was a psychiatrist’s report from back when Adachi-san just surrendered,” Yu lifted the USB-flash in his hand. “Is it also here?”

“No, don’t think so,” Dojima furrowed his brow. “Actually, I believe there was no electronic copy of that report at all, but I can look for it in the paper-based archive if you need it. I do remember that it simply stated his complete sanity, though, literally nothing else. It was just a 10-minute session at best.” He arched an eyebrow. “Any specific reason you asked?”

Yu hadn’t shared the unusual circumstances of his first visit to jail with his uncle before and still wasn’t sure that delving into details was appropriate. He shifted his gaze to the side for a moment, recollecting the vague phrasing that he had found in Adachi’s personal profile.

“He might have some mental issues now,” he answered at last. “He’s deranged at times and seems to mix dreams and reality. The detention center has scheduled another psychiatric analysis for the day after tomorrow.”

Dojima slowly lowered his eyes to the table and breathed out a heavy sigh.

“..I feared something like this would happen at some point. He seemed like he had it together in the broadcast though, so I hoped…” he closed his eyes for a second and then raised them back up. “How bad is he really?”

“He admits that he’s not fully all right, but is pushing himself to appear his usual self in front of me. I’m not sure it’s a good thing, but he said he’s more comfortable with things being this way,” Yu answered and then exhaled. “I believe a part of this comfort for him is in avoiding the risks.”

Dojima cast his eyes down again, showing his understanding of the “risks” Yu was talking about: every time Adachi used to allow himself to show how bad he felt, he lost even what little he had.

For a while, the two shared a silence, in which they had to accept the stinging regret of their own actions. Both knew they had valid reasons, but it hardly helped them to not feel guilty for giving up on someone who, they knew, had it worse.

“Did he bring me up in some way?” Dojima asked and for Yu it was a hurtful privilege to see his uncle – chief officer of Inaba’s police station – completely at a loss.

“Only in casual mentions,” Yu replied. “And when he said that you and I would’ve been better off casting him aside 5 years ago.”

“He’s _still_ at it?” Dojima clicked his tongue. “That stubborn moron. Is it so damn hard to just silently appreciate and accept what you have instead of making the decisions that you aren’t supposed to make?!”

Dojima clenched his fists in frustration, only supporting Yu’s belief that he wanted to restore the bond despite having no idea what steps to take. Yu knew the situation and the feeling all too well to let his uncle make the same mistake he himself had made before.

“If you chose to visit now, I’m sure he’d be glad to see you, no matter what decisions he believes to be right,” Yu assured him. “He would probably even make it look like nothing had happened between the two of you at all.”

“..And that would just make me feel worse,” Dojima said in a quiet voice and let out a mirthless laugh. “But thanks, Yu. I’ll.. think about it. Keep me posted, okay?”

Yu had to admit that expecting immediate decisiveness in a situation like this would’ve been naïve.

“Sure.”

“And if there’s anything else I can help with – just tell me, okay?”

“Yeah,” Yu nodded with a grateful smile. “Thanks, I will.”

After wishing his uncle a nice working day, he turned around and walked out of the door.

Once Yu was out of the office room, he first checked his smartphone – the one he mostly used for internet access and mail – and then his old regular cell phone, reserved for calls and messages, to find out which one he’d felt buzzing the moment he had entered the room 15 minutes ago. The screen of his old phone showed a missed call from Kanji and Yu dialed him right away.

“Hey, Yu-senpai! Ma here says you’re in town already?”

With a short laugh, Yu rubbed his neck. He forgot about this special power that little towns like Inaba had.

“Yeah, news sure travel fast here. You’re back from Hokkaido already?”

“Got here this mornin’, yeah. So, uh, I’d be glada hang when you got some time, you know.”

Yu took the phone away from his ear for a second to peek at the time.

“I’m done with the job for today and only have a meeting in 4 hours. If you’re not too tired after the trip, we can meet up right now.”

“Tired? Nah, I’m totes fine!”

Kanji did sound energetic and Yu chuckled again, heading toward the elevator of Inaba’s police station.

“I’ll be in the shopping district in about 20 minutes then.”

“Great, come by! Ma’d be psyched to see ya, too.”

“..Make it 30 minutes,” Yu corrected himself. “I should get her something first.”

“Relax, senpai. Just prepare to put up with her ramblings about how much you’ve grown and stuff like that, cuz she’s def gonna do it for at least for a couple minutes…”

Smiling, Yu could easily picture this and was even more set on stopping by Junes to buy some sweet present for Kanji’s mother.

***

“Damn, senpai, I told ya not to bring anythin’,” Kanji ruffled his black hair as he was walking up the stairs to his room. “She’ll feed me a half of those cakes anyway.”

“I don’t mind that,” Yu chuckled, following Kanji. “Just make sure she tastes at least one of them too. I consulted Nanako on the phone and she said these are “magical”.”

“Well, if Nana-chan says so, hah,” Kanji opened the door to his room, nodded Yu towards the chair near his own desk, and sat down on the only floor cushion near a low table. “How’s she doin’, by the way? I see her around sometimes, but it’s.. kinda weird to walk up and talk, you know.”

“She’s in a school concert band now, plays a lead flute. And keeps her grades high, too,” Yu walked up to the chair and, uncertain, looked back at Kanji. “..You sure you don’t want to-..?”

“No-no, senpai,” Kanji shook his head, refusing to take a more comfortable seat instead of his guest. Then he chuckled and pointed to the rolls of fabric in the corner. “I’m used to sittin’ here when workin’ with all that stuff anyway. Can’t even remember when I used that desk last time. Not even once since school, prolly.”

Smiling, Yu finally sat down on a soft chair. He looked over the room, filled not only with fabric rolls, but also lots of finished and unfinished plushies of all possible sizes. The Tatsumi Textiles product line was sure expanding.

“Speaking of school, you sure you really don’t want to finally kick the habit of calling me ‘senpai’?”

“Nah, Yu-senpai is always Yu-senpai,” Kanji chuckled. “School or not.”

With a shake of his head, Yu smiled.

“Rise and Naoto both keep saying almost the same thing, so this feels like a conspiracy.”

He noticed Kanji’s face get dimmer and regretted bringing up the name so fast.

“..Yeah,” looking aside, Kanji was making a visible effort to appear completely unfazed, “no matter what, you’re still a senpai to us all, heh..." He paused for a while, then cleared his throat and faced Yu again. “So uh, you’re here on a break from studyin’ or somethin’?”

The way Kanji abruptly changed the subject made Yu feel even guiltier for his slip of the tongue a moment ago. But since apologizing meant getting back to the uncomfortable topic, he had to leave everything as it was.

And to address the complicated topic of his own instead.

“Kind of. I’ve got some job issues to settle here too.”

“Hell, those Operatives guys are sure heapin’ work on ya all the time. I remember you were crazy busy in summer, when I was in Tokyo for a few days.”

“Yeah. Sorry that we didn’t even meet because of that.”

“Nah, it’s fine. Everyone knows that Tokyo’s been a mess since spring. And even if you’re not fightin’ Shadows all the time, that ‘supervision’ stuff you mentioned sounded kinda rough… How’re the things goin’ with all that, by the way?”

Without going in too many details, Yu gave Kanji the gist of the events that he had been monitoring – and later directly interfering with, at his own risk – for the past few months.

“Damn, so if you hadn’t made sure that bastard CEO-guy survived and testified on TV, those kids woulda probably needed a couple more months to learn who’s behind all this.”

“I think they would’ve managed to find it out before the elections,” Yu said. “But the faster they could do it, the better. They already had the Odaiba mess in line to deal with and.. I feel like putting it off wouldn’t have ended well either.”

“Yeah,” Kanji ruffled his hair, “had they needed to do one more heist before going after that asshole, they woulda probably forgotten all about Odaiba until stuff just blew up…”

Yu chuckled and shook his head.

“I’m sure they would never do something so careless and irresponsible.”

“And what ‘bout that assassin?” Kanji reminded. “You fought after you stopped ‘im from murdering the CEO dude?”

“With everything around crumbling, we didn’t really have the time to fight. And I lost sight of him after getting back,” Yu replied. “I talked to the team’s leader about it later and,” he considered the phrasing for a while, not to unnecessarily elaborate the situation, “he said he would handle this himself.”

Slightly puzzled, Kanji scratched the back of his neck.

“Well, hope he did, but.. you sure those kids don’t need your help now?”

“I didn’t exaggerate when I said they remind me of us when we were Investigation Team,” Yu smiled. “After observing them and then meeting them a couple of times, I figured that.. if there’s some stuff they should face on their own, they can do it.”

Kanji pondered for a while and then chuckled.

“Yeah, I get what you mean, senpai. Five years ago, we woulda probably hated it if some dude from outta nowhere started bossin’ around...” Kanji laughed. “By the way, it’s the first time you’ve ever come back in town since then, right?”

In a split moment, Yu’s smile turned somewhat guilty.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “It is.”

Those couple of times he and Kanji had had a chance to meet over the past few years were only on the days when Kanji was in Tokyo, passing by the city on his dye hunting trips. Yu felt that he needed to explain why he hadn’t visited Inaba before – after all, it wasn’t like he’d been so busy all 5 years that he couldn’t find a day or two to just drop by. But providing the reason wasn’t something he could do.

“Well, after travelin’ the country a bit, I get that there really ain’t much to see in this town,” Kanji continued before Yu could come up with anything to say. “Cities are cool cuz you can live there for months or years and _still_ feel like you don’t know the place. You can get enough of Inaba in a day or two, so I guess I can imagine how bored and fed up with it you musta felt.”

“I wasn’t bored or anything,” Yu disagreed at once. “I’m sure none of us were, considering the things that were happening, but even if-…”

He stumbled over the presupposition he was just going to make.

No matter how much Yu liked the idea of his teenage-self enjoying the quiet life in a rural town for 8 months, he had no way of knowing whether he _really_ wouldn’t have been at least somewhat tired of the countryside-life, had the circumstances been truly normal. He knew that the case had defined his stay either to a large or to a _very_ large extent and couldn’t tell how things would’ve turned out otherwise.

All he could talk about was the actual past events that did occur. But that was also enough.

“I know it will probably sound weird since I really didn’t visit for years,” having given up on the initial phrasing, Yu started his line anew, “but I do like it here. I may know Inaba well and there may be no surprises like in a big city. But it truly feels like a hometown to me.”

“And Tokyo doesn’t?” Kanji raised an eyebrow.

“No,” Yu smiled fondly, “Tokyo doesn’t.”

Kanji glanced aside, musing.

“Inaba’s always been my hometown so I’ve no idea what it feels like to _find_ somethin’ like that...” He looked back at Yu. “But it’s prolly the people, right? They’re kinda.. a part of the place. The important part.” He chuckled. “And hell, what we all had back then was just a once-in-a-lifetime thing.”

Yu chuckled in reply.

“Yeah. Totally.”

“But now it’s just.. me and Yukiko-senpai here,” Kanji exhaled after a short halt. “I get why the others chose the city-life – there’re just more possibilities there. I mean, you saw what the shoppin’ district’s like, right?”

Yu nodded. He didn’t want to bring it up himself but he had never imagined the small familiar area to get so deserted in mere 5 years. The bookshop, Daidara’s, Shiroku, and even Marukyuu Tofu were all closed down.

“It’s really boring here now, even for the old folks. Aiya’s still open, but most of their gain’s from the new branch-stall at Junes. Shiroku now only works as a pub at nights. Me and ma keep our heads above the water mostly cuz of providin’ textiles to Amagi Inn and, uh,” Kanji blushed, “..Junes buyin’-in and sellin’ some of my plushies.”

“They do look great,” Yu smiled and pointed at a huge blue-and-orange penguin. “Nanako has a smaller one on her desk.”

Kanji scratched the back of his head.

“..Damn. Sorry she had to pay to get it.”

“She actually said that with that quality it was definitely underpriced.”

Kanji blushed again and fell silent for a while.

“..I know that we don’t have the best business goin’ on here… If not for me, Ma would’ve given up like the others – she said it herself just a few weeks ago. But I-..” he surveyed his busy room, “..I really don’t see myself livin’ anywhere but here and doin’ anythin’ else but this, y’know? Even if it means I’m the outcast.”

Feeling that he shouldn’t interfere just yet, Yu waited for Kanji to resume talking on his own.

“Aren’t you kinda.. scared, senpai?” Kanji finally asked, looking him in the eye. “Of the whole get-together thing?”

Somewhat surprised at the change of topic, Yu didn’t reply at once and Kanji hurried to follow up.

“I’m not tryin’a say I don’t wanna meet with everyone again. But, like.. we all know that many things’ve changed. _We’ve_ changed. No doubt it’ll all be different this time – just like this whole town is different from 5 years ago. So.. I’m real nervous, I guess. About how it will all turn out.”

Pressing his lips together, Yu fixed his eyes on the desk surface. He felt that as the team’s former leader he should say something reassuring – that it will all be the same, that despite all the differences in their lives they were still a group of friends with inseparable bonds and their meet-up will be just as heartwarming as everything that they treasured in their memories.

But when he finally opened his mouth, the reply was different from what he thought was the right thing to say.

“..Yeah. I’m also nervous about how it will all go.”

The room sank into silence for almost a minute.

“You think Naoto will be back for the meet-up too?”

“I didn’t have the chance to talk to her about it before leaving the city,” Yu answered. “But I think she will.”

Kanji had a complex expression and Yu gave him the time to put his thoughts into words again.

“I, uh, feel like I’ll screw up the whole thing by just being there, if she’s around,” Kanji chuckled nervously after a while. “It’ll be just.. too awkward, y’know? After how I blurted out all that stuff to her right on the day of our graduation 3 years ago, when she was leavin’ for the city for good, and-…” he sighed. “Damn, we’ve barely even talked _for years_ now.”

Yu knew about what happened because Kanji had discussed the ‘slip-up’ with him during one of his first visits to Tokyo, in 2013. Naoto hadn’t brought the incident up, but her reactions to Kanji’s mentions by Yu and Chie, whenever the three met up, had only been proving that it stuck with her.

Trying not to interfere too much, Yu used to offer the two to have another talk on various occasions. But in the end, as far as he knew, Kanji had sent an apologizing text to which Naoto had replied that everything was all right – and the two only contacted each other for holiday congratulations since then.

“I also think that she’ll come back here for the get-together – cuz the team’s more important than anythin’ related to me,” abashed, Kanji rubbed his neck and lowered his eyes to the floor. “But I’m.. scared, y’know. Of us two meeting again. I mean, damn, I _wanna_ meet. And I really wanna talk like nothin’ happened without worryin’ about any of that stuff, but I’m-...”

He trailed off, then sharply breathed out and lowered his voice as he shifted his gaze to the side.

“..I dunno if I feel the same way I did, senpai. I think I don’t, cuz teenage crushes are mostly short and weird and all. I’ve worked to block those emotions and it’s been a lotta years, so I guess I must be over this whole stuff now. I _hope_ I am.” Kanji paused and looked down. “..But I can’t tell for sure before we actually meet. I really want it to work as a friendship, but I just.. dunno if we can do it. If _I_ can do it, dammit…”

Almost debilitated, Yu was staring at a meaningless point on the floor and heard Kanji’s words echo in his head, reflecting another very similar yet very different situation of his own. He didn’t notice when he tightened his hands into fists.

Moments passed and although Yu knew that Kanji was awaiting some reaction from him, he could offer absolutely no encouraging or supporting words. He was simultaneously the most and the least fitting person Kanji could turn to with this whole matter.

“..Worst thing is, you probably won’t get any immediate answers even once you meet,” Yu muttered after he gave up on searching for something optimistic to say. “It’ll be just the same kind of a mess in your head as before. As when you were trying to figure out what you’re actually feeling and _why_ you’re feeling that way...” he left the phrase dangling in mid-air and sighed quietly. “It’s like opening up your own old wounds and hoping they won’t hurt again: you can’t know if they will or won’t for sure from the start. So it’s all just a gamble.”

Kanji didn’t say anything for a while, processing what he just heard.

“..And how long does it take to get some answers?” he finally asked, looking up.

Yu shook his head and forced a bitter smile.

“Sorry, Kanji. Wish I knew that.”

With both of them immersed in their own thoughts, the room sank into another long and heavy silence.

“Boys, will you please come down to the guest room for some tea?”

Tatsumi-san’s voice broke the awkward stillness and made them both trade apologizing glances before they got to their feet.

“I brought some tasty stuff from Hokkaido, you gotta check it out, senpai,” Kanji cracked a smile. “You’ve got some more time before that job stuff, right?”

“Yeah. And it’s not a work-related meeting, it’s just..” he paused to consider the wording and then sharply exhaled, “..something I should do to start understanding my own emotions, I guess.”

***

“Do you seriously want to have a look?”

Yu smiled at the elderly lady, who had asked him this question three times already – both on the phone in the morning and 5 minutes ago, when they met.

“I imagined real estate advertising worked a bit differently,” he chuckled. “And yes, I do want to.”

Somewhat flustered, the lady turned the key in the lock and opened the door, letting Yu step inside.

“Advertising or not – there’s no use hiding the past of this house,” the woman explained as she turned on the lights in the small entrance hall and proceeded forward. “And no one shows interest in it after learning about this past. It’s understandable, really. But also a little sad, because this is one of the neatest places you’ll find here…”

The lady went on describing the perks of the place in detail, but Yu was already barely listening to her. The moment he entered the hallway, he fell in some sort of a daze and was making careful steps while slowly dragging his gaze along the walls.

Soon enough he neared the corner – and froze at the sight of the very same interior he had seen in the room 5 years ago. The same bed, table, and a TV set. Everything in the exact same locations he remembered it all to be.

The absence of changes in the interior was only logical. In the end, the entire place had been rented back then too and neither furniture nor appliances were personal belongings that had long been confiscated by the police. But Yu was still caught completely off-guard by how identical the image of the place in reality was to the one in his memory. As if the whole place got frozen in time, letting only the layer of dust on the wooden and plastic surfaces be the sign of the years passed.

The lights in the kitchen corner of the room lit up and Yu abruptly turned his head to the right – only to see the elderly lady check the water tap. He closed his eyes and shook his head, inwardly laughing at his own absurd and ridiculous reaction.

The fact that a mere visit to this place was making such a strong impact on him seemed not so ridiculous though. If anything, it was deplorable.

“This house hasn’t been rented by anyone since 2011. To be honest, we never hoped it will ever get a tenant again, so it’s a little messy in here,” the lady smiled guiltily. “We’ll clean it up if you choose to move in. And pets, kids, smoking – it’s all okay.”

Silently pitying the desperation, Yu nodded and returned a smile.

“Thanks. I think I’ll need a few days to make a final decision. Is this all right?”

“Of course!” the lady was still visibly surprised and hyped up by Yu’s possible wish to rent the house. She surveyed the room with genuine fondness in her eyes. “I’m glad that young people are not superstitious these days. The place did nothing wrong, after all. It’s very nice in here, isn’t it?”

A bittersweet smile on his lips, Yu nodded as he looked around as well.

“Yeah. It sure is.”


	5. Chapter 5

On Monday, Yu got to Okina way before lunchtime. Just as he had been warned, he was met by a different guard and had to show him his permit documents and an ID first to explain the situation. Unlike his coworker, Dato didn’t make any comments on Yu’s name or assignment and returned the papers with an almost solemn nod.

“I’m afraid I need to ask you to come back some other time,” he stated however.

Yu raised a surprised eyebrow.

“Is something wrong with the papers?”

“No,” the guard shook his head. “The documents are all in order. The detained you want to see isn’t. If you want to interrogate him today, the medics won’t agree to it.”

Startled, Yu lifted his eyes from the documents in his hands, and Dato, seeing his confusion, clarified on his own.

“A night ago, he had a.. specific incident that didn’t end well. He’s in the infirmary now.”

Yu quickly opened his satchel and hurriedly put the folder back inside, realizing that case discussions would have to wait.

“Could you please show me the way there?” he asked as he closed the bag.

The guard shook his head.

“You won’t be allowed in.”

“It’s not about the case,” Yu assured him. “I just need to see if he’s all right, that’s all.”

“This isn’t a hospital, sir. Visits to the infirmary are prohibited.”

Tightening his fists and biting his lower lip, Yu was frantically searching for the best line of attitude, trying to not let emotions get the best of him.

“How badly is he hurt?”

“Minor craniofacial injuries and a blunt head trauma.”

“All dealt by someone on the staff, I suppose?” Yu clenched his fists again, recollecting Shirazuki’s words, and applied all his self-control to at least sounding calm.

Dato made a meaningful pause.

“The guard from the night-shift is currently being questioned,” he confirmed. “But he says that he simply found the detained unconscious after he heard some strange noise in the cell.”

“What is he suggesting as his version of the story in that case?”

“That the suspect staged this,” Dato answered after another short halt. “Given the mental state that he has been in for the past few months, no one can rule out such possibility.”

Yu quietly blinked in shock from the guard’s words, but then decisively shook his head.

“This is absurd. Why in the world would he do this?”

“The detained is considered unstable, he doesn’t _need_ a reason,” the guard replied calmly. “The medics are yet to weigh the chances of the injuries being self-inflicted. Right now, they’re in a meeting, discussing the incident together with the guard and the chief officers.”

Pressing his lips together, Yu inadvertently let the silence linger. He still didn’t have a clear idea of just how bad Adachi’s mental condition was but after their latest meeting it was too hard to picture him doing something like this. What Yu knew about the staff, however, was discrediting enough.

After a slight, silent bow of his head, Yu turned around and decisively headed for the exit.

“I think you may be allowed to see him tomorrow,” Dato called after him. “Or the day after.”

“Thank you,” Yu replied.

Yet, he didn't plan on waiting that long.

***

After knocking on the infirmary door and voicing an excuse for the intrusion, Yu opened the door and stepped inside. He was prepared to counter any possible complaining remarks from the staff, yet, just as he had hoped, the meeting was held elsewhere and the room was empty.

Relieved, Yu closed the door behind himself and looked at the 5 beds in front of him. Only one was occupied, having its curtains down on all sides, so Yu made his way to it and raised his hand to touch the curtain, intending to carefully slide it to the side.

“Don’t.”

The voice from behind the curtain was quiet but crisp, and Yu unwillingly stopped his own hand. After slowly letting go of the white fabric, he clenched his fingers and lowered his arm.

“How are you feeling?” he asked after a few moments.

“Fine, I guess,” Adachi replied. “Sleeping on a bed is seriously underrated.”

A tight-lipped smile that Adachi couldn’t see was Yu’s only reaction.

“I thought visits here weren’t a thing but they still let you in for the case talks, huh?”

“I didn’t ask for anyone’s permission,” Yu answered honestly. “The jailer said the medics are discussing the incident somewhere, so I just found the infirmary on the evacuation map, hoping that the meeting isn’t here.”

“A certain law school would be seriously proud of its student breaking detention policy,” Adachi let out a tired chuckle. “But wait, so there’s no a guard outside, really?”

“Yeah, I didn’t see anyone.”

He heard another short laugh from behind the curtain.

“I wonder if that’s the demonstration of their trust in me or the proof that they just don’t care anymore. Or some sort of a protest, since yet another one of their guys can probably get sacked ‘cause of me...”

Balling his hand into fists, Yu pressed his lips together.

“They want to blame your condition and pin all this on you instead.”

There was a pause and Yu, having no possibility of interpreting it because of the curtain, let out a sharp breath.

“Adachi-san, can you tell me what happened here a night ago?”

“I don’t want to discuss that,” Adachi replied dryly. “And it’s not even related to the case, so I don’t see why we should.”

“It is related to _you_. If the staff here is abusive, I can arrange a transfer and-...”

“Can you just relax instead?” Adachi cut him off in a tired voice. “My memory of that night is a total blur, so I’ve got no right to accuse anyone. I mean, maybe it _was_ me after all – who knows what a mad person’s capable of?”

“You do have problems but you aren’t a madman,” Yu confidently disagreed.

“Well, that’s what I’d like to believe in too, but facts aren’t that encouraging,” Adachi chuckled mirthlessly. “Guess that doc’s visit tomorrow will be right on time, ‘cause soon my fits might drive everyone here up the wall.”

Yu wasn’t sure whether the reason behind Adachi’s suddenly overt way of addressing his own condition was the restoring trust or just extreme apathy.

“Did this fit happen because I didn’t come here yesterday?” he asked carefully but Adachi snorted in response.

“Look, I know that everything you’ve witnessed and heard on the first day was lame and childish. But _this_ would be way beyond even my league of lame. I’ve been somehow managing here on my own for 5 full years, remember?”

“I do, I’m just trying to understand the cause of-..” Yu wasn’t sure how to even refer to the fits correctly; the fact that he and Adachi hadn’t openly discussed them didn’t help much, “..the things you are seeing.”

“It’s ‘hallucinations’, kid, don’t try to smoothen down the crazy vocab.”

Yu curled his fingers and stayed silent for a while.

“..Have you maybe noticed something off about them?” he asked at last.

“Except for the very fact that I shouldn’t see them _at all_?”

“I mean something like a change in the appearance or the surroundings,” Yu replied, ignoring the sarcasm.

“What, you think it’s some Shadows’ trick?” Adachi let out a weak laugh. “Outside the TV world, seriously?”

“It’s not impossible,” Yu countered the somewhat insolent remark. “I’ve heard that some of the Operatives were involved in such cases before and I’ve been monitoring similar ones just recently.”

Adachi replied after a short pause, which was most likely accompanied by a shrug.

“Well, not that I’m ever in the right state of mind for some excellent judgement, but nothing really stood out.” He let out a weak laugh. “Your theory conveys some inspiring message though. There’s a possibility that the things I’ve been hearing here during the past few months belong to your suppressed-self after all, eh?”

Even though it was supposed to be a taunt, the line gave off fatigue and dullness more than anything else.

Having realized that he had just openly suggested to credit all Adachi’s mental suffering of the past half a year or so to himself, Yu drew his lower lip between the teeth and lowered his eyes. His assumption was mostly moved by his desperate wish to disprove the fact that Adachi was indeed slowly but steadily losing his mind. But in the end, disproving it _this_ way didn’t make things any better.

“There isn’t,” he shook his head. “Forget I asked this.”

In almost half a minute of silence, Adachi fetched a sigh and spoke up again.

“Looks like we aren’t having any case talks today either. A good chance and reason for you to reconsider bothering yourself with this whole situation.”

Yu parted his lips but didn’t get enough time to contradict.

“It’s obvious that we won’t get the work you were assigned for here done anyway,” Adachi went on. “So just go back to the city and tell your department that I have no intention of escaping out of here or anything. It’s as good as a life sentence, so they shouldn’t grill you.”

Without saying a word, Yu slowly took his satchel off the left shoulder, lowered it on the floor and then made a step to the wall that the bed stood next to. After leaning his back against the wall and putting hands in the pockets, he fixed his gaze on the opposite wall and quietly exhaled.

“No one will grill me for anything because I asked for this assignment myself,” he confessed. “I needed the official permission to finally interfere and get you out of this deadlock. Right after seeing the show, I made a request to reexamine your case and my boss had me assigned on it in just a few days. That’s why I’m here.”

Adachi didn’t react for almost a minute.

“..I’m starting to wonder who’s crazier here – me or you,” he exhaled at last. “Do you seriously have nothing better than this to do? That jailer guy had a point the other day, you’re-...”

“Doing something I want to do,” Yu finished for him. “Have wanted for quite some time already, but only recently got the ability and chance to act.”

The pause that Adachi made next was even longer.

“My question will sound absurd now, so feel free to laugh at me and call me an idiot or whatever, but I just need to make sure.” Adachi was silent for a few more seconds. “..You don’t have that crush from 5 years ago to this day, do you?”

Still looking at the wall opposite him, Yu took a few moments to answer.

“No,” he calmly replied at last. “I don’t.”

Even if just for a couple of moments, he had to wait for a reaction too.

“Well, good then,” Adachi chuckled. “Because if you did, I’d have to remind you just how absolutely meaningless and hopeless it was. I’m glad I don’t need to do it, though. Makes things easier for us both.”

Yu just pressed his lips together and stayed quiet.

“I shouldn’t have even asked, I guess, ‘cause that’s only natural,” Adachi laughed again. “I bet with your looks and all you’ve long found yourself some sweet date back in the city, right?”

Yu started to feel grateful for the curtain between them. This way it felt more bearable to hold this kind of a conversation.

He closed his eyes and quietly breathed out.

“Yeah, I have.”

Adachi let out yet another chuckle.

“See? All the more reasons to not waste your time on some-...”

“All my connections are important to me, Adachi-san,” Yu cut him off. “I have the right to care about a friend, who is in a very difficult situation, to the extent where I put a lower priority on everything and everyone else for the time being.”

The room sank into silence for a couple of moments.

“..A friend, huh,” Adachi finally muttered, not a sign of laughter in his voice anymore. “All our bond has ever brought you is trouble and hurt. But you still consider me a ‘friend’.”

“There’s been way more in this bond for me,” Yu contradicted. “I enjoyed our talks 5 years ago and letters from then on – even if I didn’t get them from you regularly. Thanks to them, I’ve only reassured myself that we have a lot in common. And it’s just that-…”

He stopped short, unsure if he should go on with his train of thoughts.

“ ‘It’s just that’ what?” Adachi asked, leaving him no other choice but to let out a quiet sigh and continue.

“..Our biggest difference is the amount of luck we have,” Yu said in a level voice, mindlessly staring at the door. “I’ve always hated the thought of appearing a braggart in your eyes but it’s hard to avoid bringing up the consequences of this better luck even in written conversations. So at some point, I wondered if you were all right with what I was telling you in my letters at all.” He exhaled. “And with time I got convinced that ‘seeing’ the life of someone, who claims your resemblance, unfold so differently just made you feel even worse.”

Adachi didn’t reply for quite some time, apparently considering what he just heard.

“You were saying something about this back on Friday too, weren’t you? When explaining why you gave up on the idea to visit.”

“Yeah,” forgetting that Adachi couldn’t see his face, Yu nodded. “This is why I backed out.”

Adachi made another significantly long pause.

“Just so we’re clear, learning something about your life never made me feel bad in any way,” he said at last. “I even ran my mouth off about my attitude to your letters three days ago. But if you missed that part, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait till another meltdown or something and ask me to say that stuff again. I’m not repeating it now.”

“I heard you then,” Yu gave another nod. “And I’m glad if what you said is true.”

The bed creaked – and Yu turned his head to the left to see Adachi’s profile slowly sit up behind the white curtain.

“I never thought of you as a braggart and your letters were a pretty good distraction for me, that’s it,” Adachi summed up. “Besides, I believe there’s more than just this ‘amount of luck’ to you being you and me being me. This belief is enough for me to not see you as some ‘luckier version’ of myself and to not make unnecessary comparisons.”

After some moments of silence, he sighed.

“I don’t disagree with the fact that we have stuff in common and tend to question similar things in life. But, to put it in a cheap metaphor, you see these things in colors and I – in grayscale. So what bothers me is...” There was a halt and then another sigh. “Do you really need this dark and dull view of mine, Yu-kun? Or do you hope to somehow drag me out of it and get me into your brighter zone?”

Hesitating about his reply, Yu lost the chance to speak and heard Adachi continue.

“It should be obvious, but I feel like I have to remind you – just in case – that the second option isn’t viable. At all. I mean,” he let out a twitchy laugh, “what ‘brightness’ are we even talking about when I’m living the rest of my life in a cell after murdering two people?”

Still silent, Yu was looking at the profile on the curtain. Adachi threw the back of his head to the wall behind him – the same one Yu was leaning against – and breathed out another shaky chuckle.

“..Those two show up in my sleep uninvited on some nights, you know? Sometimes they talk, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I push them in the TV again, other times they do that to me…” he trailed off and shook his head. “Not much happens to me every day and my brain doesn’t have any new info to recycle, I guess. So it’s just stuck on putting all the old events in different contexts again and again. And this shit’s exhausting as hell.”

Yu waited for a few moments, wanting to make sure that Adachi had said everything he intended to share.

“Was it them the other night?” Yu asked. “Or was it me alone?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Yu pushed away from the wall and faced the curtain, determined to get a more precise answer than that.

“If it’s them, I’m not forcing you to tell me the details. But if it’s me – I need to know which of the things that I said or wrote your mind keeps bringing up.”

“I said, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does, because we can talk all this through and-...”

“And literally _nothing_ will change,” Adachi let out an exasperated sigh. “Seriously, just leave me and my crippled mind be. I’ve simply told you all this pathetic stuff to prove my point: with how deep down I’m in this hell, you’re either a complete lunatic if you want to step into it too or a naive idiot, who hopes I’ll be able to get out _._ I won’t.”

Yu curled his fingers and heard another exhausted chuckle.

“There’s nothing I – or anyone else – can do to change anything, and I know it. But too many things in my life have _always_ been a mess out of my control, so not like it’s all new to me. And now it’s all a fair payback that, I guess, I deserve, so...”

Adachi trailed off again and then exhaled.

“Just go and enjoy your own life out there, kid. I mean it. Don’t waste your time on trying to solve your lame “friend’s” unsolvable case.”

After a silent sigh, Yu made a step forward and, without asking for a permission, carefully pulled the curtain somewhat to the right. Adachi, with his face covered in sore wounds and light bruises, didn’t even turn his way and had a faraway look fixed on thin air.

To get rid of his height’s possible intimidation, which felt even stronger with Adachi sitting in bed, Yu slowly crouched down.

“I’m not sure how to put all my thoughts into words the way that won’t make you say I sound ‘cheesy’ and ‘naïve’, but...” his voice calm, Yu rested his eyes on Adachi’s face. “Your views don’t feel disturbing to me, Adachi-san. I’m not expecting you to fully “rehabilitate” either: I know just what kind of a person you are and I appreciate our differences as much as the things we have in common.”

He waited for a few seconds and went on.

“When I know that my friend is in an unjust situation, I can’t enjoy my life anyway. So I’m neither “wasting my time” nor forced into this by anyone – it’s my own conscious choice and I want to be here. We can have this conversation as many times as you want or need, but this fact won’t change. I simply wish you could feel at least somewhat better and I’m not going anywhere until I find a way to make this happen.”

Yu paused, to let the words sink in before voicing his request.

“I give you my word that I’ll find this way. So, can you try not to fret over the details and just put some of your trust in me in return?”

Even after a couple of long seconds all Yu could hear in response was seemingly stubborn silence. He quietly sighed and, with his eyes closed, lowered his head.

A few moments of frantic thinking later, he was about to lift his gaze back and try convincing Adachi again – but suddenly sensed a hand land on top of his head. Soon, the fingers started to lazily tousle Yu’s hair, making him freeze and unconsciously hold his breath.

The unexpected move wasn’t even close to Adachi’s conventional ways of expressing gratitude. But for that very reason, it was even more meaningful.

In about a dozen seconds, the hand released the short, gray strands – and Yu raised his surprised look to Adachi. The other man was finally facing his way, head tilted a little to the side and lips shaping a weak but smug smile.

“That sure sounded naïve and cheesy, Yu-kun.”

Helplessly staring at the curve of Adachi’s smirk, Yu felt a smile tug on the corners of his own lips too.

“Well, at least I tried.”

Adachi chuckled in return and slowly looked up at the lamp on the ceiling.

“.. _That_ ’s the biggest difference we have, isn’t it?” he asked after a minute-long pause and glanced at Yu. “The attitude to people that you were talking about, I mean. I don’t see myself going to such lengths for anyone.”

“I’m sure if something ever happened to uncle, you’d be there for him too,” Yu disagreed.

His eyes back on the lamp, Adachi just shrugged, silently making it clear that there was no way of knowing something that hadn’t and wouldn’t happen for a fact.

Willing to get their talk out of the dead end, Yu reached for his bag that he had left on the floor, opened it, and started to take everything that wasn’t his folder out.

Adachi turned his head to the rustling sound – and his eyebrows flew up.

“Uncle didn’t know the exact size you need now,” Yu commented as he put two new folded white shirts on the sheet, “but he hopes they’ll be fine.” He lifted a lunchbox next. “Nanako recalled you liked eel. I wouldn’t want to upset her, so even if she was wrong, I’d like your permission to tell her you enjoyed it anyway. And,” one by one, he took out two cans of coffee, “that’s the promised basics from me.”

Once he got all the stuff out of the satchel, Yu looked up and saw Adachi’s completely startled expression. He wasn’t sure what to say or ask and just silently waited until a somewhat shy smile surfaced on the other man’s pale face.

“I love eel,” Adachi said as he slowly raised his eyes from the items on the bed. “I do.”

“Great,” Yu smiled back. “Nanako will be happy to know she was right after all. She felt a little guilty that she couldn’t remember you well and-...”

Before he could finish, Yu heard the door to the room slide open and had to stand up to his height.

“We need a signature for the-…” a middle-aged man in a white coat furrowed his brow when he looked up from the clipboard in his hands. “..And who might _you_ be?”

“I’m with Public Safety, I have authorization from-…” Yu reached for the bag again, intending to get his ID card out, but the doctor turned back and opened the door.

“Entry here is restricted to medical personnel only. I’ll have to call for the guards if you don’t leave immediately.”

Yu pressed his lips together and unwillingly put his satchel on the shoulder.

“I’ll get back here tomorrow before noon,” he addressed Adachi. “Your appointment is scheduled for 1 pm, so-…”

“I’ve said _immediately_. Do you think this is some sort of a hospital?”

Yu exhaled and, after offering Adachi another smile and a nod, hurried to the door.

###

The moment Yu left the infirmary room, Adachi shut his eyes and, failing to stifle barely hearable laughter, threw the back of his head to the wall behind him.

“Hell, this kid is absolutely hysterical…“ he murmured under his breath, the corners of his lips still slightly turned up. Ridiculously enough, he could swear that even the persisting headache he had been having before the visit now quietened down a little.

A second later he slowly exhaled.

“..Gotta work for it now, huh...”

The sound of the medic clearing his throat made Adachi lazily open his eyes.

“Your signature,” the man repeated, handing him a clipboard and a pen. “Left corner – you don’t have any complaints to Teruishi-san; right corner – you do. Your call, we’ll take it from there.”

Without asking for more details, Adachi took the board and then a pen in his hand.

Watching him, the medic knitted brows in confusion.

“You know, even if you say you don’t remember anything clearly, it’s obvious that those injuries were-…”

“It’s fine,” Adachi didn’t let him finish and put his signature on a narrow line in the left corner of the page. “I’d rather avoid the risks of making myself a target for the entire staff by getting another night-shift guy kicked out.” He handed the clipboard and the pen back. “Guess you can call it a ‘survival strategy’.”

“Sounds ludicrous, coming from someone who’s admitting he caused multiple injuries to himself on his own.”

With a smile, Adachi just shrugged and said nothing.

“Well, not that I care,” the man took the clipboard back and then nodded towards the door. “So, who exactly was that?”

Adachi dropped his eyes and let out a mirthless laugh.

“Good question, doc. My future prosecutor maybe?”

“A shrewd one,” the medic scoffed after looking at all the items on the bed sheet. “You’re being extra honest with him in return for the goods and special treatment?”

Adachi breathed out a weak chuckle again.

“More like the other way round.”

###

His eyes closed and back leaned against the outer wall of the detention center, Yu slowly exhaled a puff of smoke into the cold air. It was the second cigarette in a week and he didn’t remember the last time the interval between his smoke breaks was this short. He doubted there had been such a time ever, at all.

Still, it was something he had almost expected to happen. That’s why he had put the cigarettes in his bag a few days ago in the first place.

As he drew the right hand to his lips and took another drag, he got the cellphone out of his coat pocket with the left hand and started searching for the number in the book. After finding it, he stared at the screen for a while, then closed his eyes and pushed the dial button.

He knew he had to do something to not only confront his emotions but also to quell them, fast. And for some reason, this felt like the desperate cure he needed for the old, desperate cut.

There was just enough time for him to breathe out the smoke before the long tones ceased.

“Kawaguchi-san?” he raised his eyes to the gray clouds above him. “Yeah, I’ve given it a thought already. I’m renting the place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this sure is getting fluffy. (For now)


	6. Chapter 6

“That was the last box, right?”

Closing the back door of his car, Dojima nodded.

“Yeah, three of ‘em. And two of your bags are in the trunk.”

Having left the front door of the house open, Yu neared the car that was parked under a dim streetlight. His uncle already opened the trunk, letting him take the satchel and the travel bags out.

“Sorry for all the trouble early in the morning,” after putting his satchel over the shoulder, Yu gave his uncle an apologetic smile. “But thanks. I would’ve never managed to move in so fast.”

“Nanako would’ve been happier if you didn’t,” Dojima chuckled and nodded towards the passenger seat.

“She’s asleep?”

“No, still pouting.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Yu dropped his eyes.

“She’ll be fine, don’t sweat it. Just give her a few days,” Dojima patted him on the back and then glanced at the house. “Still, choosing this one of all places…” he trailed off, sighed, and looked his nephew in the eye. “I hope you know what you’re doing here, Yu. Any kind of connections to the suspect can work against the case in court, regardless of the details. Speaking from experience here – I tried to interfere, but they ignored me completely just ‘cause I’m his former partner.”

“Don’t worry. I’m just acting on behalf of my department here and my boss will be the one to take real action in the system,” Yu assured him and then shifted his eyes to the small, neat house. “Besides, it’s just a nice place that was rented back then. It doesn’t have to do something with Adachi-san.”

Dojima made a meaningful pause.

“Is it really like that for you?”

Still staring at the house, Yu was putting off his answer right until the front door of the car opened.

“Dad. Your phone.”

Dojima hurried to come up and get his ringing cellphone from Nanako’s hand. Then he took the call and made a few steps aside for the talk.

Yu shut the car’s trunk and, with the travel bag in his hand, slowly neared the door of the passenger seat. It was already closed and he had to bend and carefully knock on the window.

“..You’re still angry with me?” he asked softly when Nanako lowered the glass without looking his way.

“I’m not angry,” she said, pouting. “I just.. don’t get it.” She turned to the left to face Yu, her brows slightly furrowed. “Is our place so uncomfortable for you now?”

“That’s not it,” Yu shook his head.

“Is it because I distracted you from work when I asked you to help me with that math assignment a day ago?”

“You didn’t distract me, I was glad to help.”

“Then why do you have to live somewhere alone instead of living with me and dad at our home?!”

Yu closed his eyes for a moment and then slowly breathed out.

“Because I need to sort out something, and this house is where I believe I can do it.”

The line between Nanako’s eyebrows deepened, and Yu knew that he had to explain. He glanced back at the porch behind him and bit his lower lip.

“..This used to be Adachi-san’s place,” he said, unable to phrase the explanation in a better way.

After a few moments, he turned back to Nanako and, to his own surprise, found her pressing her lips together and somewhat guiltily looking at the mittens on her lap.

He didn’t really provide a decent explanation but could tell that she understood a lot regardless.

“Will you get back to us after you sort things out?” Nanako asked without raising her eyes.

Yu’s lips relaxed into a smile.

“I’ll be “getting back” as often as you want. This won’t even be too much of a difference.”

“Promise?”

Seeing Nanako’s eyes light up as she faced him again, Yu nodded.

“Promise.”

“So, you’ve made up already?” with a phone in his hand and a smirk on the lips, Dojima neared the car from the other side.

Yu didn’t rush with the answer and arched an eyebrow at Nanako. When she nodded, he thankfully smiled at her and raised his eyes back to his uncle.

“Yeah, guess we have.”

“Good then,” Dojima chuckled and opened the door. “I need to be at the station in half an hour and I still have to drive Nanako to school for her early band practice, so-…”

“Yeah,” Yu straightened his back and lifted the travel bag that he had left on the ground. “Sorry for making you both get up so early. And thanks again, really.”

“Hey, no problem. Just don’t forget to come by, okay?”

“Sure.”

Waving back at Nanako, Yu watched his uncle’s car drive away. Then he opened his left hand, looked at the key on his palm and, after clenching it, headed toward the lit hallway.

Once he closed the door from the inside, he slowly exhaled. Leaving his two bags, three small boxes of belongings, and an old rice cooker that his uncle let him borrow all near the entrance, Yu carefully made his way deeper into the house and found the switch in the room.

When the lamps lit up, he noticed that the room was indeed freshly cleaned, just as he had been promised it would be. Without all the dust, it looked and felt almost as if someone was already living in it.

Since he was finally able to re-explore the place on his own, Yu headed to the kitchen area. He turned on the lights in it and slowly walked along the clean counters, barely touching anything. There was little to touch on them to begin with – all personal belongings had been confiscated by the police 5 years ago. All that remained was a microwave and an electric kettle that were included in the rent on the same rights as the refrigerator and a TV set.

After spending a few more minutes in the empty kitchen, Yu headed back to the room. He slowly neared the bed, sat down on the floor and threw his head back on the mattress, mindlessly locking his eyes on the ceiling.

Despite himself, Yu heard Dojima’s recent question resound in his head – the one that he successfully dodged thanks to the phone call. He still didn’t know the answer to it because even though this house indeed wasn’t just a neat place for him, he genuinely wanted it to become no more than just that.

His decision to move in had been impulsive, and Yu still couldn’t tell whether it would work out the way he wanted or not, but knew that he needed to start doing something – the sooner, the better. The place itself sure wasn’t the issue; the way Yu felt about it was. And this very way seemed like the easiest thing to address for now.

Feeling his eyelids get heavy, Yu closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. Unusually calm and relaxed, he let himself plunge in the strangely soothing warmth the house was giving him. Just this once - before he’d start to forcefully stiffen all his emotions for good.

***

“Are you sure you’re feeling fine enough for this sort of a talk?” Yu asked as he put the freshly signed cooperation statement beside himself – on the table of the same interrogation room they both had been in 3 days ago.

“Yeah. There’s no concussion and fearing that I might have one was the main reason why they allowed me to stay in the infirmary for 2 whole nights in the first place,” Adachi replied and smirked. “Plus, if you’re so set on not getting away from here, we gotta at least try doing some of that case work you have.”

Yu wasn’t sure if it was a clean shirt, a tie and a jacket, or some time spent in the infirmary instead of the cell, but Adachi looked a tiny bit better – even despite the scars he now had on his eyebrows and cheekbones. His voice sounded a little livelier, too.

Ironically enough, it was Yu, who still felt tired after those mere 3 or 4 hours of sleep he'd had before the move. For the rest of the morning, spent in his newly rented apartment, he was busy unpacking the bag and the boxes.

After reacting with a nod, Yu opened the folder and started to look for the necessary files.

“You yourself look kinda exhausted, though,” Adachi suddenly added.

The remark caught Yu off-guard and made him lift his surprised gaze. Yet in a mere second, he remembered that years ago Adachi used to notice the little changes in his mood quite often, too.

“Had an early rise,” he smiled weakly and lowered his eyes back to the folder as he started to take some papers out of the plastic sleeves. “Uncle and Nanako helped me move into a new place in the morning.”

“Huh? You moved out after all?” Adachi arched an eyebrow. “Damn, I can feel just what a loss it is for Nanako-chan...”

“She was pouting the whole evening yesterday,” Yu chuckled, agreeing. “But I think I got excused in the morning, after I promised her that I’d still be visiting.”

“Nanako-chan still has a big heart,” Adachi smiled. “Oh, next time you see her, tell her that the eel was delicious. Haven’t ate anything of that quality in literal years.”

Yu smiled back, wondering if good food was all it took to somewhat lift Adachi’s spirits.

“She’ll be glad to hear this. And I’m sure it wasn’t the last time you’ve had the chance to eat her lunch.”

“Gee, I hope so. The coffee was good too, by the way,” Adachi added and made a short pause while rubbing the side of his neck with one of the hands, having to hold the other in the air. “I’m surprised you’ve managed to find a place so fast, though. Inaba or Okina?”

“Inaba.”

“A nice one?”

“Yeah,” Yu answered after a short unwanted halt and felt his lips form a weak smirk. “You’d like it.”

“Hah, not that I’ll ever get the chance to see it. But good for you, kid,” Adachi motioned at the papers on the table with his chin. “So, wanna go through all the previous failed attempts to build a case against me?”

“Yeah,” Yu nodded. “I’m mostly interested in the various contradictory scenario changes, because I will need to dispel them first. Was it you who made them up?”

“Nah, all the tweaks were requested directly by the guys in charge. I just agreed to make them if they sounded more believable than my first version, which everyone discarded at the very start of every interrogation,” Adachi explained. “Can’t blame them for it. Probably shouldn’t have told that crazy truth 5 years ago at all. But I was kinda deranged at the time I surrendered and couldn’t think straight.”

Adachi propped his elbows against the table and rested his eyes on Yu’s folder.

“First thing I agreed to was stating that I knocked the two unconscious on the TV frame. Although, this sounds like a very unlikely coincidence that would’ve required a lot more than my shabby luck,” he smiled wryly and then went on. “Next I “admitted” that instead of rendering them unconscious, that move had actually killed Yamano – by accident, and Konishi – on purpose. Even more luck-requiring occurrence, if you ask me, but in comparison to what I was initially confessing to, literally everything sounded more realistic outside of court, so...”

He paused for a moment, recollecting.

“Ah. I also caved in to that theory of using the station’s forensics stuff to clean off the blood. But no trace of it on both TVs wasn’t the biggest problem.”

“The victims’ bodies were,” Yu finished for him, somewhat dizzy from hearing Adachi retell the details, even if they weren’t true. “They had no signs of bleeding.”

“And there was nothing any tall tale could do about that,” Adachi nodded. “Well, one detective found a forensics expert, who stated that a certain kind of a similar head injury could cause no external bleeding. So even though the chances of inflicting it twice were extremely slim, he tried to make it work for both cases. But prosecutors didn’t buy that and said there was no way of winging such a theory in court.”

Yu carefully put the documents he held in his hands down on the table. He would have never expected Adachi to lead the conversation but had a suspicion that it was some sort of a defense mechanism, aimed at getting all this out of the way as fast as possible.

“Is it because no one could clear up the cause of death and the murder weapon that they barely discussed the official crime scenes with you?” he asked. “There’s almost no mentioning of them in the reports.”

“I was asked about them a lot, but I guess it was never put on record,” Adachi shrugged. “There wasn’t much I could say to begin with. I had no idea how the victims ended up on the antennas and you know it better than anyone that it’s not a lie.”

Yu nodded. Five years ago, he and the team simply had to accept this as one of the grim rules of the Shadow-filled TV world.

“All I could say was “I just got them up there, I guess”, which everyone hated for obvious reasons. When they asked for details, I couldn’t give any. When some detectives shared their own suggestions on how I got the bodies on the roofs, I simply agreed to them.” Adachi chuckled again. “None of those versions were compelling enough to be accepted in court, of course. But I gotta say, a few of them were so well thought-out and creative, I could almost see the guys’ potentials to become serial killers.”

“You didn’t openly tell that to the detectives, did you?” Yu raised a hopeful eyebrow.

“Did just that every time I liked the story,” Adachi smirked. “Got myself an earful on each occasion.”

With a quiet sigh, Yu dropped his eyes to the table. He didn’t know what else he’d expected.

“Those, who weren’t that creative, stubbornly spent hours trying to get the info out of me,” Adachi went on. “They saw this blind spot as “unwillingness to cooperate” and an attempt to hide some major key to solving the case or something. The more they believed this part was important, the longer were the interrogations,” his features got somewhat clouded. “Sometimes I wished I could tell them their ‘truth’ just to put an end to all that. But c’mon, ‘the fog from the TV world got the bodies up there’?” with a forced smile Adachi parted his hands as much as the handcuffs allowed him to. “I figured it would just make things worse than they already were.”

Having a quite vivid picture of what such interrogations were like, Yu pressed his lips together and decided to drop the subject.

“Basically, all investigation attempts deem the cause of death, the murder weapon, and the ways of creating the crime scenes unknown,” he summed up and then started to rustle through the folder again. “Also, there are some notes on the ‘controversial’ statements from the forensics…”

“Yeah, about the inconsistency in the times of the murders that I reported and the autopsy results that stated later times of deaths” Adachi clarified. “The difference is only natural, since time ran somewhat slower in that weird world and those two were alive for a few hours or days after ending up there... But without this knowledge, it sure is fishy.”

Adachi leaned his both elbows back against the table and pillowed his face on one of the hands.

“And the worst part was that they knew there was no room for a lie on my side. When I met Yamano in the inn and interrogated Konishi at the station, I was on the clock and confirmed to be present in the respective locations at the exact time-frames I named. I had no chance to meet the victims later, so the only workaround to all this would’ve been to say that I kept them in some freezer or something. And the sole reason no one dared to suggest that was probably ‘cause that would’ve been over the top for the crazy enough case.”

Heaving a tired sigh, Adachi lowered his eyes to the table.

“Every time it came down to this inconsistency, everyone used to give up on the whole case. Again – can’t blame them, it’s a real mess. I hoped my confession would cover for some gaps, but everything in court needs to be logically and realistically explained – confession or not. And my case is far away from logic and realism,” he slowly lifted his gaze. “I know you’re persistent, Yu-kun, and I’m sure you’ve gained some good skills in your school there. But I seriously can’t think of something you can do about all this."

Yu replied with a sigh of his own.

“Is this why you were talking about this so willingly? To lead me to this conclusion and ask to step back again?”

“Not necessarily,” Adachi offered him a wan smile. “It’s just refreshing to finally discuss all this with someone, who won’t ask me stupid questions that I can’t give answers to and who knows the same truth that I know. I’m tired of pretending I believe in those dumb lies.”

“To be honest, I find them disturbing,” Yu confessed after glancing at the papers on the table. “They may sound more ‘realistic’, but are seriously distorting the truth.”

“Well, there’s no way around without them,” Adachi shrugged. “That’s what I had to accept.”

Yu shook his head.

“I’m not building your case on convenient lies.”

Almost immediately, he heard the laugh that he expected to hear.

“Are you serious? You want to build the case based on what _actually happened_?” Adachi snorted. “Look, that’s just a waste of time for us both here, kid. What are you even thinking?”

“I’m thinking of getting you a fair trial,” Yu answered in a level voice. “ ‘Fair’ in the way that would allow to view your story fully and objectively.”

“Except that there’s no one, who could ever believe and understand this crazy story.”

“There are such people,” Yu calmly disagreed.

“Yeah, your _friends_. But I mean people with some sort of influence.”

“You’re underestimating my department and it’s chief, Adachi-san,” Yu locked his eyes on the other man and smiled. “Do you think someone with little influence could insist on keeping you here or easily put me, a fresh-out graduate with no actual practice, on your case?”

After seeing a puzzled expression in return, Yu went on.

“It’s not that I didn’t realize the complexity of your case for the court before coming here, either. I told you – I’ve been getting updates on the progress this whole time.”

“..So, you’re saying you already have some sort of a plan?” Adachi asked, still confused.

“Yeah,” Yu nodded. “I do.”

He didn’t get the chance to elaborate because of the knock on the door.

“The doc’s already here,” Shirazuki said after appearing in the doorway.

With a nod, Yu stood up from the chair and picked up his folder, coat and satchel.

“Let’s see if we can talk about this after the appointment,” he smiled. “And good luck with it, by the way.”

“..Yeah,” Adachi averted his eyes. “Thanks, I guess.”

Yu headed for the door, which Shirazuki was still keeping open, and went outside.

After watching an elderly man in glasses enter the room, Yu made a few steps to the side and leaned against the wall right opposite the entrance.

“You’re gonna wait till the end of their talk?” the guard raised an eyebrow, preparing to enter the room as well.

“Yeah. Shouldn’t take longer than an hour, I think.”

Shirazuki twisted his mouth, shrugged, and closed the door from inside the interrogation room, where he had to be present during the entirety of the visit according to protocol.

After glancing at the closed door one more time, Yu opened his satchel and got a book out, preparing for the wait.

***

The visit lasted even less than a planned hour and in some 40 minutes the door opened again. Yu raised his eyes from the pages, saw the psychiatrist and Shirazuki leave the room – and put his book back in the satchel.

“I need to see the local medical staff to report to them now,” the elderly man said.

“Ask at the front desk, they’ll lead the way.” The jailer motioned to the opened door of the interrogation room. “Can’t leave the suspect here alone.”

“I understand, thank you.”

“Excuse me,” after adjusting his bag and coat on the shoulders, Yu neared the doctor. “Can I have a word with you?”

Arching his brow in a silent question, the doctor turned to Shirazuki, who was still standing in the doorway.

“That’s the, uh, investigator, who’s currently on his case,” the guard explained reluctantly.

“Oh. Detectives sure look young these days.”

Yu just offered him a polite smile and decided to not go into the complicated details of his job.

“If you have a moment, I’d like to ask you a few questions,” he clarified.

“If you accompany me to the reception, I’ll have a little more than just a moment.”

“Sure. Thanks.”

Once he told Shirazuki that he’d be back soon, Yu started walking along the hallway next to the doctor.

“You wanted to know about the suspect’s condition, correct?” the psychiatrist asked after about a dozen slow-paced steps.

“First-hand, yes,” Yu nodded. “I know I can ask the local medical staff about it later, but I’d prefer to avoid subjective interpretations.”

The doctor nodded.

“From what I heard before coming here,” he started, “the suspect’s been purposefully isolated even in the already isolating conditions of the jail. He has had almost no regular communication – except for that with the guards – over the past five years. With that in mind, I had expected his speech and thinking to be completely disorganized.”

With a short chuckle, the doctor shook his head.

“Surprisingly, this wasn’t the case. He’s not willing to talk, but when he talks, he does so in clear and logical structures that show no signs of intellectual deterioration. He named reading his most regular pastime and I believe this played a large role in preserving his linguistic capabilities in a good shape.”

Yu humbly agreed that Adachi’s manner of speaking was indeed good enough to never even hint at his level of isolation.

“He doesn’t seem to have serious troubles with long-term or short-term memory, at least for now,” the doctor continued, looking straight ahead. “But his consciousness isn’t always clear and he does show signs of time disorientation and depression. It’s a typical condition for many inmates due to the tedium of recurring events and seclusion in confined spaces.”

“How negative the effects of this can be?” looking at the doctor, Yu bent an eyebrow.

“Most diverse. ‘Time disorientation’ may sound like something very insignificant, yet when combined with a significant lack of activity, it can be an alarming symptom. Irregular circadian rhythms and emotional vacuum cause great stress on the mind and body, and – in my opinion – resulted in the hallucinations that the suspect currently suffers from.”

The man made a short pause, as if allowing Yu to prepare for more information.

“Since his incidents occur prevailingly at night,” the doctor went on, “it’s obvious that he’s got sleep disturbance and, most likely, abnormally vivid dreams that precede the visions. The local reports stated that the hallucinations make him quite emotional. And after seeing the laid-back man in person, I suspect that his visions are based on some underlying vulnerabilities or extremely stressful issues that manage to get under his skin. Perhaps, it’s something related to the reasons he’s here.”

Yu drew his lower lip between his teeth. Judging by what he had heard from Adachi about the “uninvited guests” the day before, he could assume that the visions were indeed diverse, not of him alone.

The psychiatrist’s words also implied that he hadn’t studied the case details. And that, Yu believed, was for the best since it allowed the man to make an objective conclusion without being swayed by the confession statements.

“Even though there indeed is a tendency for his general condition to worsen in the second part of the day, I wouldn’t refer to it as ‘sundowning’, like the local medical staff did in their preliminary diagnosis. Hallucinations and mood-swings alone aren’t enough to associate his condition with dementia. But, sadly, it is a much easier way out.”

“What do you mean?” Yu asked, confused.

The psychiatrist glanced back in the empty long hallway and hesitated for a few seconds before answering.

“In my practice, I’ve seen prisons resolve similar inconveniences by giving problematic inmates heavy sedative drugs they didn’t objectively need. Because of that, such inmates did develop serious illnesses in the long run.”

Yu knew that expressing his revolt wouldn’t change much and could only clench his fists so hard he felt the fabric of his gloves tighten on the knuckles.

“Since I was called for a consultation, the jail can’t ignore my conclusion and act on its own now,” the doctor calmed him down. “And my conclusion is that rather than dementia, the suspect is suffering from delirium episodes, which are logical aftereffects of prolonged and complete social withdrawal as well as lack of activity.”

“Can these episodes be treated somehow?” Yu asked, fixing his eyes on the man, who gave him a somewhat condescending smile in return.

“The circumstances he’s in are unfitting for any sort of effective treatment, I’m afraid. More varied schedule, regular exposure to daylight, and some sort of stress-free social engagement would certainly have a positive impact. But the temporary nature of the detention center as opposed even to prison excludes the possibilities of activity or socialization.”

They both were already at the end of the hallway and Yu was about to open the door that led to the main lobby. But the psychiatrist stopped in front of it and continued in a slightly lower voice.

“The staff’s attitude here isn’t making it easier. Episodes of delirium aren’t rare among patients in the hospitals or ICU, who similarly spend months with little to no activity – and nurses are specifically instructed to show tolerance and support.” The doctor shrugged. “But this isn’t a hospital. And he’s a suspected murderer, not an in-patient.”

“This doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t get help,” Yu contradicted. “He deserves it just like anyone else.”

“I don’t disagree, all ill people are equal to me,” the man nodded. “I am simply saying that the situation he’s in doesn’t make for receiving the help he needs. And there isn’t much that can be done about it at this stage, from how I see it,” the doctor paused for a while. “If nothing changes for him soon, I’m afraid he’s at a risk of getting worse until reaching a more serious condition, which will simply get him into another sort of an isolating facility.”

Tightly pressing his lips, Yu couldn’t even come up with a response.

“I also can’t precisely estimate the influence of the underlying stress that fuels his hallucinations, but I’m sure it needs to be addressed as well,” the doctor added, as he put his hand on the doorknob. “But this would require a long-term conversation-based therapy, which, in its turn, wouldn’t guarantee any outstanding results. Besides, something tells me he would be a rather complex patient to make such sort of treatment successful.”

Knowing how difficult it was to talk to Adachi on the topics he considered uncomfortable, Yu nodded in silent agreement. He believed he could handle the issues related to him but wasn’t sure he could fully help with everything else.

“What’s reassuring is that he’s got at least someone here, who seems to be on his side,” the elderly man opened the door and looked at Yu. “I hope he doesn’t show his appreciation in your absence alone.”

After noticing Yu’s confused look, the doctor smiled and clarified.

“At the beginning of our meeting with the detained, the guard saw it necessary to let him know about your decision to wait outside, addressing you as a ‘conspirator’ of some sort. To which the detained replied with – I quote – “You call him a ‘conspirator’ one more time, and I’ll be having the fits _exclusively_ during your day shifts, sir”.”

Yu could almost see a lopsided grin Adachi had voiced this line with – and failed to stop the corners of his own mouth from turning up in a sad smile.

“Wish you good luck,” the doctor said before leaving for the lobby and closing the door behind himself.

Yu remained standing in the same spot, his mind revolving around all the things he just heard as he was frantically trying to come up with a solution.

In a few more moments, he decisively opened the door and hurried to follow the doctor in the main lobby.

***

“Sorry, took me long enough,” with a folded document in his hand, Yu entered the interrogation room and closed the door from the inside.

“I’ve recently been informed that “time’s become a strange concept” for me, so never mind, I guess.” Adachi chuckled. “We’re getting back to where we left, _detective_?”

Realizing, that Adachi must’ve heard the way the psychiatrist addressed him right after leaving the room, Yu chuckled. He put the document on the table, hung his coat and bag on the back of the chair, and sat down.

“It would’ve taken me a while to explain what I’m actually doing here, so I didn’t go into details.”

“Well, right now you’re doing exactly what detectives are supposed to do,” Adachi shrugged. “Except for dealing with all the extra bothersome issues, of course.”

“Your condition is not bothersome to me,” Yu shook his head. He didn’t want to let such words slide even once. “I’ve told you that I’ve come here to help, and simply dealing with the case wasn’t my plan from the very beginning.”

“Speaking of plans,” Adachi latched onto the possibility to switch to a less uncomfortable topic. “You’ve said you’ve got some idea on how to build the case without all the lies or something.”

“Yeah,” Yu put his arms on the table, ready to share his intentions. “I believe that instead of twisting real facts into lies in the attempts to adapt the case to the general court system, we should adapt the system itself to the circumstances of the case.”

Adachi blinked.

“Huh?”

“My idea is to let your case be officially handled and judged by a separate authorized group under the Operatives’ supervision,” Yu elaborated.

Adachi was silent for a while.

“If this “authorized group” already existed, I wouldn’t be here, I figure,” he raised a confused eyebrow. “Are you suggesting they should go out of their way to _create_ it, specifically for me?”

“I think this is a necessary concept for Public Safety and Shadow Operatives, it will be useful in the long run. Your case isn’t the first and already not the last one to involve abnormal circumstances that can’t be taken into account by regular courts.” Yu paused for a couple seconds and then added. “But to be honest, even if your case were the only one, I still believe that giving someone a fair trial should take priority. The effort such individual approach requires should come second.”

He saw a mischievous smile appear on Adachi’s face.

“That’s just you and your bias, kid,” leaving his hands on the table, Adachi leaned back in the chair. “So, what’s on my responsibility list to help you make this happen?”

“Nothing, actually. Now that you and I are on the same page, all that remains is communicating this proposition to my seniors at the department. I plan to describe the concept in the written form and then discuss the necessary steps for creating such a group with my boss. These steps may take time, though.”

“What if your boss simply declines your ‘proposition’?”

Yu shook his head.

“I’m sure this won’t happen.”

Adachi answered with a somewhat ironic smile.

“Must be nice – to live your life with such trust in your friends, eh?” He chuckled and then shrugged. “Well, then we’ll start building the real case after you get all this sorted out, right?”

“I think we can start earlier.”

“Earlier like when?”

“Tomorrow.” After receiving a puzzled look in response, Yu smiled and glanced at the folded document he had brought after the talk with the doctor. “And I’ve got some ideas on changing the location a little. Do you happen to remember where you used to rent your car in Inaba or I’d better ask uncle about it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised in the comments, this was a nerdy chapter, but I hope I managed to make all the dull talks more or less easy to read at least. (Also damn, 'time disorientation' and 'isolation' as causes of delirium, which I researched on in December '19, didn't age well..)


	7. Chapter 7

Even years later, Yu still remembered Adachi once telling him that all jobs were about creating documentation and following whatever was stated in it. His university studies demonstrated the sad truth in practice and proved that bureaucracy indeed was everything in the real world. Everything – to the point where sometimes no one actually cared about – or was forced to ignore – the actual state of the things.

Yet, Yu managed to find a bright side in this: if papers had terrifying influence, he could use this power for a good cause.

“Here,” Yu handed Shirazuki a signed document that he had obtained the other day. “This is the list of the recommended procedures and actions aimed at preventing further incidents. It was prepared by the psychiatrist and approved by the local medical staff.”

“So what?” The jailer didn’t even glance at the paper, but Yu could clearly see cues of irritation in his eyes.

He calmly held the gaze.

“In accordance with the document, I’m authorized to hold case-related meetings with the suspect outside of the facility.”

Shirazuki’s brows flew up and he immediately took the paper from Yu’s hands to inspect it.

“Does that old man think it’s some kind of a resort here?” the guard hissed as he looked up from the document. “It’s a _jail_. And this guy’s a _suspected murderer_.”

“The detention center turned to a professional because the suspect caused inconveniences,” Yu replied in a level voice, facing Shirazuki head-on. “This is how the professional suggests addressing the problem that you and your coworkers have reported.”

“He should’ve just prescribed this psycho some goddamn pills,” the jailer spat. “Not some sort of outdoor therapy.”

“The medicine would’ve cost the center a few hundred thousand yen per year if not more,” Yu noted. “I’m afraid no one here would’ve allowed additional expenses on someone, who’s been living off the budget for so long already. Would you like to confirm this with the infirmary staff?”

Gritting his teeth, Shirazuki returned the paper in a brusque manner and then turned around, heading in the direction of the cells.

Content with the outcome, Yu followed him along the hallway.

“You’re being taken for a walk today, apparently,” the guard scoffed once he opened the door of Adachi’s cell.

“So I’ve heard,” Adachi replied as he got up from the futon and started to put on his jacket.

“Discussed the plan back yesterday?” the jailer side-eyed Yu. “You two sure are productive at your case talks there.”

“You bet we are, sir,” Adachi neared the exit and extended both hands, lips shaping a smirk. “Although, it’s extremely hard to catch up to the productivity levels of those guys, who used to lead my case throughout the years, y’know?”

Shirazuki just snapped the handcuffs on Adachi’s wrists and turned back to Yu.

“My shift ends at 7 and since I’m the one responsible for most of the time of his ‘therapy’, I have to make sure that he _is_ back before I leave. So get him here before 6 or I’m not agreeing to this stuff on my shifts anymore, papers or not. You can report this to my higher-ups, for what I care – I’m not staying here overtime waiting for you two to return.”

“We’ll make it in time,” Yu nodded.

“Also, I’m not gonna give you this,” the guard lifted the handcuff key. “I’ve got no proof that your pal here isn’t planning to disappear somewhere during your outing and that you’re not gonna close your eyes on it.”

Before Yu could respond, he heard Adachi’s loud sigh.

“This again, really?” Standing outside the cell, Adachi rolled his eyes up. “Look, sir, the kid’s absolutely not the type to do such a thing.”

“And I should trust your opinion of him for what reason exactly?” Shirazuki snorted. “To be honest, I wouldn’t mind in the least if you _did_ get away. But I don’t wanna risk my job by being even remotely responsible for it.”

Adachi let out a mirthless chuckle.

“ ‘Get away’, huh? And then what? Hide in the wild, settle down on some mountain, and eat grass?” He shook his head. “Geez, why would I even do something so troublesome?”

“I’m not putting myself in the shoes of a serial killer just to understand your train of thoughts, reasons or anything,” the guard waved it off and then fixed his eyes on Yu again. “Six in the evening _latest_.”

“Yeah. Got it.” Yu looked at Adachi and nodded towards the hallway.

When they both walked a few dozen steps away from Shirazuki, Yu spoke up.

“We should probably make our interactions sound more professional in other people’s presence from now on,” he glanced at the handcuffs. “To avoid inconveniences.”

“Want me to stop calling you ‘kid’ in front of that guy?” Adachi chuckled while making leisurely steps alongside Yu. Who let out a laugh in return.

“That would be a nice start, yeah.”

“Ok, I’ll try to keep this in mind next time. And speaking of time,” Adachi tilted his head a little to the side and smirked. “Our outing’s gonna last nearly 6 hours, seriously? You think you’re gonna tolerate my company for this long?”

“Yeah, I do,” Yu replied with both corners of his mouth still quirked up.

“What about my today’s lunch that I’ll have to skip?”

“Nanako prepared two lunch-boxes for us, so we won’t starve, that’s for sure.” Yu bent an eyebrow. “Any other worries?”

Adachi pondered for a couple of more steps.

“Since you’re the designated driver this time around: how many times exactly did it take you to pass the license test?”

“Just one.” Yu opened the door that led to the main hall and smiled mischievously. “Reassuring enough?”

“And predictable as hell,” Adachi bantered while walking through the door.

In less than a minute, they already crossed the station lobby and went outside through the main entrance.

“Wow, that’s a neat one,” Adachi commented on a white Nissan when he and Yu closed on it.

“Uncle suggested taking a police car from Inaba’s station,” Yu said as he opened the back door, saving Adachi the trouble of doing it with the handcuffs on, “but I figured it would just attract unnecessary attention.”

“My face will attract enough of it,” Adachi snickered when he got in the car. “Although, maybe it’ll look less recognizable ‘cause of the scars now.”

“They aren’t nearly _that_ bad, Adachi-san,” Yu smiled again before closing the door – and then went around the car to the driver’s seat.

“Besides, I’m planning to drive to some smaller town nearby,” Yu added while buckling up. “That show you were in was only broadcasted by a single channel there, from what I’ve learned. So not too many people should have their memory about you refreshed.”

“The closest town – besides Inaba – is in an hour-long drive though, no?”

“We aren’t in a hurry, are we?” Yu answered the question with a question and looked up in the mirror.

After a short pause, he saw Adachi give a shrug of his shoulders.

“Guess we aren’t. Just didn’t expect this to be some kind of a road trip instead of the case work.”

“No reason why we can’t combine both,” Yu shrugged too and started the car.

***

“Did anyone pass by here?” Yu asked as he held out a plastic cup.

Adachi slid his hands from under the gray scarf, which Yu gave him to cover the handcuffs on the wrists, and clasped his fingers around the warm coffee cup.

“Nope. Not a single soul.”

Yu looked over the paved embankment space of the small park they were in and then glanced back, in the direction he’d come from.

“I wonder whose idea it was to put a coffee stall in such an unpopular location.”

“Well, maybe there _are_ more people here when it’s not the middle of a weekday.” He shuddered from a gust of wind. “..And when it’s warmer.”

“Sorry for that,” with a similar cup in his hands, Yu sat down on the bench to the left of Adachi and rubbed his neck. “Because of the car, the idea of warmer clothes didn’t even cross my mind.”

Adachi chuckled and, keeping the cup in both hands, lifted it to take a sip.

“Even if it did, it’s not like my stuff’s in a place where you can find it.”

Elbows on his knees, Yu cast his eyes down.

“Was everything sent back to your family?”

“Dunno, but most likely. That’s what should’ve been done according to the protocol, at least,” Adachi took another gulp of coffee and then let out a laugh. “Wasted transportation costs, really. They should’ve just thrown it all out themselves, ‘cause I’m sure that’s what my folks did anyway.”

Yu was staring at his own cup while pressing his lips together.

“They never visited?”

“Hah, sure not. Why would they start caring about me when I’m in jail if they didn’t care before.”

Yu didn’t find the words to reply with, letting the sounds of distant traffic fill the silence.

“How are the things between you and your folks now, by the way?” Adachi spoke up again after a pause. “Last thing I remember you telling me in those letters was them being bitter ‘cause you decided not to move with them overseas after graduating.”

“Yeah, they’re still bringing it up every time we talk,” Yu took a sip and sighed. “I used to think I’d manage to get all my points across to them someday. But now I wonder if it’s even possible to explain something to those, who stubbornly think they know me and what I want out of my life better than I do. And it’s like they’re never satisfied with my choices just because these choices are not what _they_ would’ve chosen themselves.”

“Looks like some folks don’t care and some care too much, huh,” Adachi shrugged.

“I don’t think they care about _me_ , though,” with a wan smile, Yu kept his gaze glued to the cup in his hands. “When I look back to that whole situation with sending and then getting me back from Inaba 5 years ago, I realize that they’ve loved making important decisions for me without asking for my input since forever. I don’t think that’s something parents should ever do for a child. And even more so – for someone, who’s not a child anymore.”

Smirking, Adachi looked at Yu out of the corner of his eye.

“Someone’s sure become more rebellious over the years.”

“Just less bland,” Yu chuckled in return before bringing the cup to his lips again.

“Nah, you’ve never been bland, Yu-kun,” Adachi leaned to the back of the bench. “It’s normal for kids to submit to their parents’ will before gaining some practical independence. I guess I managed to distance myself from my family pretty fast and easily just ‘cause they distanced themselves from me first,” he shrugged. “Yours treat you like an object they want to keep under their control, disguising it as the ‘doing what’s best for you’ stuff. Takes time to see through something like this. And even when you see it, it’s not the most pleasant thing to accept and not the simplest to deal with, I guess.”

Yu heard another clank of the handcuffs as Adachi raised the cup.

“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I decided to just go for the academy,” Yu muttered while slowly rotating the cup in his hands. “I started aiming for law school because of that talk we had with you and the things it made me think about. But even uncle saw my sudden change of plans as a compromise and a concession to my mother.”

“Had I triggered those thoughts in you earlier, the whole academy stuff might have not gone too far. You wouldn’t have had to go home in December either,” Adachi threw his head back and mindlessly looked into the cloudy sky that was just barely letting in some weak winter sunlight. “And it’s a bummer that your own talent of reading people doesn’t seem to work on you.”

“I don’t think it ever works this way,” Yu shook his head. “It always takes another observant person to understand something important and subtle about yourself.” He breathed out a weak laugh. “Besides, with how much time it took me to read _you_ back then, I think my observation skills were seriously lacking.”

Adachi didn’t react, letting silence linger for almost a minute. Then he straightened his back and put his cup on the ground.

“Shall we get back to the case?” Adachi asked nonchalantly. “Where exactly did we stop?”

After making the last gulp, Yu put the empty cup on the ground too and grabbed the pen and the folder lying next to him on the bench. He opened the last plastic sleeve and took out a sheet of paper where he had been making notes, immediately remembering why a break had seemed like a good idea to him.

“..On your meeting with Konishi-san at the station.”

“Ah. Yeah.”

Something in Adachi’s voice made it clear that he wasn’t any more willing to talk about this than Yu was.

“Did you discuss the crime scene that she had witnessed?”

“No, just said that I’d seen her meeting Namatame at the floodplain.”

“According to Namatame’s statement from 5 years ago, he was trying to warn her, because he had seen her on the Midnight Channel. And he also reported this to the police in that phone call you got.” Yu bent an eyebrow. “Did he contact you before or after meeting Konishi-san?”

“Before, I guess."

“So, when you saw them near Samegawa, you were already aware that Konishi-san had appeared on the Channel. Is that why you focused on her?”

“Dunno,” Adachi shrugged. “I think It just irked me when I saw her with that “ladies’ man”.”

“And you confronted her about..?”

“Sleeping with Namatame.”

“..On the grounds of once seeing them together at the floodplain, talking,” Yu continued with a raised eyebrow.

“Yup, on them.”

Yu chose not to comment and went on.

“Did you try talking to her, like you did with Yamano-san?”

“Didn’t even have a chance to,” Adachi shook his head. “When I stepped in the room, she said she was sick of the police, demanding I let her go immediately. And that ticked me off.”

“So you-…”

He heard a tired, almost lazy sigh.

“Grabbed her by the hand, tried pushing her against the wall. She started screaming, I panicked, and shoved her in the TV.”

Yu tightened the pen in his gloved hand and fell silent.

He knew what information he needed to ask about for the legal matters but had no wish of hearing it regardless.

“..Even though it’s not the main focus of the case, I need some details for the ‘sexual assault’ part of the charge,” he forced himself to say at last, eyes locked on the paper on his lap.

“Details, huh,” Adachi gave out a dry snicker. “I don’t remember much, to be honest, it was all very quick and impulsive… But I guess I put my hands on her waist and tried working them up a little? That ‘first-base’ kind of stuff, you know.”

After a few moments of tense silence, Adachi added:

“..Or you don’t. Not into girls after all, eh?”

“This isn’t about being and not being into girls,” Yu replied sternly, turning his head to the right and looking at Adachi with his brows knitted in reproach.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, Mr. Gentleman,” Adachi answered with a weak laugh and a shrug of his shoulders. “But it’s not like you haven’t met that side of me first-hand. So don’t look at me now like you’re suddenly disappointed or something.”

Still clenching the pen in his hand, Yu lowered his eyes back to the paper and bit his lip.

A dozen seconds later he heard Adachi continue on his own.

“..I was assigned to talk to her brother a few days after we discovered the body, by the way. Hated the idea ‘cause I thought the kid would whine, end up having a breakdown on me, and I’d have to calm him down somehow…”

After trailing off, Adachi let out a short laugh.

“Only the kid was tough as freaking nails. I was being nice to him and all but guess what? He outright thanked me for “not having the slightest sign of real compassion” in my eyes at the end of our meeting. Said that he was sick to get such looks from everyone else on the force.” There was another laugh, this time a somewhat twitchy one. “..And for some reason that line kinda.. left a bad taste in my mouth.”

Yu failed to find something to say and almost in half a minute heard Adachi sharply breathe out.

“In hindsight, I realize that I was desperate and unhinged back then. Maybe, like you said, I only wanted to see those rejections happen ‘cause I knew I’d get them. I mean,” he chuckled wryly, “had I even unconsciously hoped for some real action, I’d have chosen better timings and locations in both cases. So it was nothing but lame and pathetic stunts of self-pity that ended in very wrong ways.”

Adachi paused for a few seconds.

“And that’s how it all was. Can’t erase things or change facts now.”

Yu slowly closed his eyes and fetched a heavy, loud sigh.

“Disgusted enough to leave me rot in jail now and finally get back to your life, are you?”

Replying to Adachi’s mirthless laugh with one of his own, Yu shook his head.

“You’re right about me being well aware of all this. And about no one being able to change the past.” Without fully turning his head to the right, he looked at Adachi, lips shaping a sad smile. “But I’m relieved to see that you do regret your actions in both those situations. At least to some extent.”

He was almost prepared to hear Adachi deny the ‘regret’ part and say that the word’s too strong to describe how he felt, but what he heard instead stunned him.

“..Not in those two alone,” Adachi said while gazing straight ahead at some meaningless point across the paved road.

Knowing what other situations were implied, Yu slowly shifted his eyes back to the folder. He couldn’t come up with a reply line, as if his mind went completely blank from that one vague and unvoiced apology that he never in his life expected to get.

After almost a minute of heavy silence Yu heard Adachi speak again.

“So, about that question... Is the date you’ve got in the city a girl or a guy?”

Pressing his lips together, Yu carefully bent to pick up his empty coffee cup from the ground.

“Does it really matter?”

“No, I guess. I’m just curious.”

Having put the folder aside, Yu was rotating the cup in his hands again, mindlessly staring at it and not saying a single word.

“It’s not that Junes kid, by any chance?” Adachi followed up on his own. “Hana-..mori?”

“Hanamura,” Yu corrected him and, leaving the cup in one hand, carefully patted the pocket of his coat. “Yosuke’s studying and working in Osaka.”

“Well, considering the difficulties of such a relationship, distance would be the least bothering problem, no?”

“And he’s dated about ten girls over the past few years,” Yu bent to pick up Adachi’s cup from the ground too and then got to his feet. “Why would you even bring him up in this context?”

There was something in Adachi’s eyes that Yu couldn’t really put a finger on.

“No reason,” he shrugged after a few moments. “You two just seemed close.”

“People can be close outside of intimate relationships, Adachi-san,” Yu shook his head and then raised the empty cups. “There was a bin near the coffee stall. I’ll be back in a few minutes and let’s head to the car to continue the work there, all right?”

“Leaving a criminal unguarded for the second time, huh?” Adachi smirked. “What if the jailer’s suspicions were true and I decided to get away?”

“Then I wish you to survive for at least a week on that mountain,” Yu bantered back and could almost feel Adachi’s pout even after he turned around and headed out.

***

Seeing Shirazuki’s dissatisfied expression, Yu fished out his phone and checked the time.

“It’s still only 5:30.”

“I know,” the guard grumbled and looked at Adachi. “I just hoped he really was gonna get away.”

“I did have the opportunities, you know,” Adachi chuckled but quickly realized that he’d better clam up. “..Or so it seemed to me, but Narukami-san didn’t give me the time of the day. We’re almost finished with building the case even. Right, Narukami-san?”

Yu had to take a moment to recover from Adachi’s bold attempt at creating a ‘professional image’ for the conversation, and almost preferred the usual, less mocking-sounding address instead.

“..Right.”

“Well, congrats,” while unlocking the handcuffs, the guard eyed Yu with his lips screwed up. “You’re gonna do this stuff tomorrow too, huh?”

Yu nodded.

“It’ll be Dato-san’s shift, won’t it?”

“Yeah. So you’ll have to explain this whole “outdoor therapy” stuff to him too.”

Dato had made an impression of a more composed and rational man, so Yu was sure the paper would work without causing any problems.

Yu raised his hand in the farewell gesture to Adachi before seeing him disappear behind the heavy cell’s door. Shirazuki locked it and, without saying anything, turned to the hallway that led to the cramped office room.

After watching him leave, Yu headed out in the opposite direction. When he was already nearing the door to the main lobby, he got his phone out of the pocket again and dialed his uncle.

“Yu, hey. Everything’s fine with that car?” Dojima asked straightaway.

“Yeah, thanks for referring me to that rental service.”

“No problem, it’s the only one we’ve got here,” his uncle chuckled. “You wanted something? I’ve got just a few minutes before the weekly briefing.”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask for a favor again.” Yu sharply exhaled. “I wondered if you could help me get in touch with Taro Namatame.”

He heard a heavy sigh in response.

“Testimony for the case, right,” Dojima muttered. “I think I can arrange a meeting with him at Inaba’s station. But, considering his position and busy schedule, I’ll most likely have to agree to whatever day and time he suggests. Is it all right?”

“It is. Thanks,” Yu went out in the lobby and leaned against the wall next to the door. “Can you mention that Adachi-san will be present too?”

Dojima took his time with the answer.

“..I know it’s a recommended procedure for aligning the story in a complicated case, but I’ll be honest: mentioning this may create serious troubles with getting Namatame agree to the meeting. You sure you want him to know this beforehand?”

“I want him to be mentally prepared,” Yu nodded. “And if he’s strongly against this, then.. I guess just a meeting with me and him would be fine too.”

“All right. Then I’ll contact him and tell you how it goes,” Dojima said. “By the way, do you think you can come by tomorrow? We’ll discuss this and, uh, Nanako will share some news with you. She asked me not to relay this since it’s a surprise.”

“Sure. See you both tomorrow in the evening then,” Yu smiled, hung up the call, and started walking toward the exit.

On his way, he was desperately trying to focus his mind on the intrigue of Nanako’s surprise rather than the uneasy feeling that the sheer thought of meeting the yet another man, who had been scarred by the events of 5 years ago, stirred in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While you're here, feel free to have a look at the absolutely sweet comic illustration of [that-one-moment](https://twitter.com/tinycpr/status/1285724803027079168) from the 5th chapter, kindly drawn by @tinycpr //ω//


	8. Chapter 8

Papers indeed created zero problems with the other guard, who just silently nodded in approval. Yet unlike Shirazuki, Dato insisted on walking together with Yu and Adachi to the parking lot in front of the detention center.

“You’re armed, I suppose?”

Puzzled, Yu raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

“According to protocol, anyone accompanying a suspect in a manslaughter case has to carry a gun on themselves,” the guard clarified. “Do you have it, sir?”

“Yes,” Yu replied after a short halt. “It’s in the car.”

“You should have it on you at all times,” the guard noted.

Yu simply lowered his chin in a nod.

“Around 6 in the evening, correct?”

“Yes, give or take 15 minutes.”

“All right,” without even asking, Dato handed Yu the key to the handcuffs and turned around, leaving.

Once the guard made a few steps away in the direction of the center’s front doors, Yu heard a snarky laugh.

“Do you _really_ have it, though?” Adachi playfully bent an eyebrow as he leaned against the car’s closed back door. “The gun, I mean.”

“Not in here,” Yu replied and saw sincere bafflement on Adachi’s face.

“..Huh? Wait, you mean you’re using one _at all_?”

“The Operatives’ work can be dangerous at times, but carrying a sword around isn’t always handy,” he chuckled. “I was put on some additional shooting lessons back in spring and got a gun.”

“Hey, should’ve told me sooner!” Adachi livened up. “So which one you’ve got?”

“A bit newer Nambu, similar to the one you probably had at work.”

Adachi’s expression turned somewhat clouded and Yu, who anticipated a follow-up with a reasonable question, waited for a few moments. Until he realized that Adachi simply didn’t dare to ask.

“I still keep an eye on your modified one, by the way,” Yu said, smiling. “Practiced maintenance on it a couple of times, too.”

Adachi’s eyebrows flew up, giving out his genuine surprise, which he soon forcefully replaced with a somewhat conceited smile.

“If you aren’t using it, there’s no need for maintenance, kid.”

“I almost don’t use mine either,” Yu shrugged. “It’s more of a self-defense kind of thing for unexpected situations. But I still prefer a good sword when it comes down to a fight.”

“That’s a waste, considering you’ve got _two_ pistols at your disposal now,” Adachi concluded with a sigh. “By the way, what exactly are you even fighting there now?”

Yu opened the front door, ready to get behind the wheel.

“If you want, I can tell you about the cases I’ve been involved in since spring until just recently. We’ve got a longer drive to a different town today anyway.”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Also..” Yu glanced at the key in his hands and then – at the parking lot cameras, “we’ll make a stop to deal with the handcuffs a little later, all right?”

A second later he saw Adachi successfully open the back door with the cuffed hands.

“I could’ve easily pulled a trick to get rid of them even yesterday, if I were so uncomfortable,” he smirked again. “..And if I weren't sure that you wouldn't approve this kind of thing.”

***

“Man, Nanako’s lunches are absolutely delicious. Her cooking skills are something else.”

Eyes half-closed, Yu couldn’t stifle a chuckle as he placed his empty lunchbox on the surface above the dashboard.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Huh?”

He turned to the passenger seat on his left and explained.

“Nanako’s busy with the concert practice for now. I had some free time in the evening yesterday and made today’s lunch myself.”

“..Ah,” Adachi said as he put the chopsticks inside the empty lunchbox. “Well, yeah, I do remember you being a talented cook, too. Kinda baffles me how you had the time and energy to hone all kinds of skills there.”

“Five years is both a short and a long while,” Yu replied, his eyes on the windscreen and locked on the sky that was preparing for the early winter sunset. “It seems not enough for achieving something truly meaningful, but when you look back later, you realize that doing even small steps over the years brought tangible results in the end.”

After realizing that he was telling this to a man, who had spent the last 5 years behind bars, Yu was about to quickly change the topic. But Adachi spoke up first.

“I always found it hard to make these ‘small steps’, y’know,” he put his lunchbox next to Yu’s. “You have to make them blindly, sacrificing your time and effort, often without seeing any significant progress. People say that you have to wait for the payoff, but in fact, you aren’t ever guaranteed to get it.” He lowered his free hands on his lap. “It might as well be all in vain unless you’ve got some talent. And if you don’t have it, moving forward like this is basically torture.”

Somewhat confused, Yu considered his question for a while.

“You see ‘talent’ as some sort of a guarantee for the efforts to pay off then?”

“First of all, it’s a head start. But also – yeah, knowing that you do have talent can give you fuel to go on.”

“..You mean, you think that someone can be aware of having talent for something?” with an arched eyebrow, Yu turned his head to the left again. “And _this_ is how they get confidence in achieving good results?”

“Well, I don’t have any talent, so I wouldn’t know the specifics," Adachi shrugged, "but basically - yeah."

His lips shaping a smile, Yu found it almost amusing to hear Adachi say something that Yu could only describe with the word that had usually been pinned on him instead.

“What?” Adachi knitted his brow a little, making Yu chuckle and shake his head.

“It’s just very.. naïve of you to think this way, Adachi-san,” he said and – just as he expected – saw the look on Adachi’s face get even more displeased.

“How’s that ‘naive’, kid, huh?”

Yu chuckled again and slightly ruffled the hair above his right ear while trying to find the right words.

“I don’t think anyone – most people, at least – can see and acknowledge their own talents. So there’s never any guarantee for anyone at all,” he said. “No one can ever be sure they’ll succeed in something thanks to some sort of a flair. They simply don’t know this flair exists in them.”

“Nobody needs to ‘acknowledge’ anything for themselves, it’s the matter of external circumstances. Talent gets acknowledgement from the outside and this is often more than enough to get someone going,” Adachi shrugged. “Never experienced it myself, but hearing someone say you’re really good at something can charge you up, I guess.”

“I believe that anyone, who’s been putting decent effort in doing something, can hear this at some point,” Yu disagreed.

“And that’s why I was talking about a ‘head start’,” Adachi countered. “A large part of talent is the ability to grasp the skill faster, so the talented ones get the inspiring approval faster too. People without talent may work hard but run outta steam way before that ‘some point’, where they finally hear some sort of encouragement.” His gaze wandered aside. “..Many of them just end up doing stuff senselessly and it’s almost as good as doing nothing. ‘Cause with that sort of attitude they’re doomed to fail.”

Yu realized that what he had perceived as almost a fallacy a few moments ago now turned into a truly controversial issue in his own mind.

Despite himself, he smiled again.

“Well, now what?”

With a short laugh, Yu gave a shake of his head.

“Nothing. I just thought that most of our conversations always tend to be like this.”

Somewhat startled by the change of subject, Adachi lifted his brow and was silent for a few seconds. Then he let out a snicker and faced the windscreen.

“Like me saying all sorts of depressing stuff in response to everything you say?” He looked at Yu out of the corner of his eye and smiled almost apologetically. “Never understood why you would ever want to see me as a friend for this very reason. Can’t imagine how these convos can be enjoyable to you.”

“They really are, though,” Yu assured him. “Every time we have such talks, I feel like my views widen a little. It’s not that I stop seeing the good in the things because of you – I just notice the controversies that I overlooked before. And I think it’s important, because they give me a better and deeper understanding.”

Yu rested his eyes on the wheel.

“I’ve always been grateful for this, but I think it would’ve been fairer if it worked both ways,” he added in a moment. “I wish that by pointing out the good things, I could help you feel somewhat better about the world and the people around. Not “drag you into a brighter zone” and change your views, but just…” he exhaled, “..make life a bit easier for you, perhaps.”

After a few long moments of silence, Yu heard a sigh in response.

“Well, it’s not like seeing things a bit differently can change anything about my life now.” Adachi paused and drew a slow breath before forcing himself to continue. “But, uh-…”

The buzzing of the phone lying near the lunchboxes cut Adachi short.

“Sorry,” Yu quickly reached for the phone and was going to drop the incoming call – but saw Yosuke’s name on the top display and hesitated.

“Nah, take it,” Adachi shrugged. “Not like I’m not gonna disappear from here or anything.”

Wishing to could hear the continuation of the interrupted line at a later time, Yu nodded and took the call.

“Hey, man! Chie said you’d be back ‘for holidays’ but Kanji messaged that you’re in Inaba _already_ , huh?”

“Hey, yeah. Turned in the papers last week and got here earlier.”

Unconsciously tightening the grip on the phone, Yu was hoping that Yosuke wouldn’t ask for the reason the same way Kanji had done it.

“Couldn’t wait to meet Nanako-chan, _big bro_?” Yosuke taunted, and Yu breathed out, relieved.

“Yeah,” he smiled. Technically, this wasn’t even a lie. “Took Kanji long enough to share the news, though. I met him full 3 days ago.”

“It took him this long just to go online and reply to Ted’s invitation,” Yosuke grumbled. “How can anyone even be offline for 3 days straight in this day and age?!”

Yu realized that Kanji must have been conflicted enough to take his time with considering the invitation – and regretted his own remark.

“He was just back from the trip to Hokkaido, I bet he needed to rest,” he tried smoothing things over. “Did he agree, by the way?”

“He’s one of the few, who doesn’t even need to travel for that, of course he agreed!” Yosuke chuckled, none the wiser. “Anyway, I’ll be back in town tomorrow afternoon too. Managed to ask for a week off right until the New Year’s weekend.”

“Hey, that’s great,” Yu smiled. “Then the three of us can meet some time in the evening tomorrow, right?”

“I’ve actually already mentioned it to Kanji and he said he’s okay with us meeting at the station at 2 pm,” Yosuke paused. “..Or you’ve got some plans for the first half of the day tomorrow?”

After glancing at Adachi, who was mindlessly staring at the windscreen with his hands behind his neck, Yu pressed his lips in a thin line.

“..Let me see if I can adjust them a bit, okay?

“Yeah, sure. Lemme know later then?”

“I’ll text you in a few minutes.”

“All right, then see you tomorrow!”

Once he ended the call, Yu quietly sighed and clenched the closed phone in his hand. The feeling that was weighing him down was all too familiar and he didn’t enjoy its sudden return in the least.

“Do your friends know why you’ve returned here?” Adachi asked, eyes still on the windscreen in front of him.

Yu lowered his eyes.

“Only Naoto and Chie do.”

“The little ‘cops’ gang, huh? I thought that Hanamura would be the first to know about any of your plans.” Adachi turned his head to Yu. “Why don’t you tell him and the others, though? If you say you’re here to finish up the case that you all were a part of 5 years ago, won’t they get it?”

Yu continued to stare at some meaningless point on the wheel. He knew that Adachi was right and that everyone would probably see nothing wrong with his decision to interfere – just like Chie and Naoto didn’t. But he still felt uneasy about discussing this with Yosuke.

Because even years later Yu still remembered his friend’s pained expression on the day before leaving Inaba. And he was scared of ever seeing it again.

“It’s not all that simple,” he heavily exhaled at last. “But I am planning to explain this to everyone a bit later, when we all gather.”

Adachi turned back to the windscreen and didn’t respond for a while.

“The Junes kid wants to meet up with you tomorrow, right?” he asked while lazily stretching his neck. “Can’t see why you shouldn’t go. You’ve spent too much time in my company for the past few days anyway.”

As if he sensed that Yu was about to contradict, Adachi went on, his gaze still fixed on the windscreen.

“I don’t know what exactly that doc told you, but I’m sure you’re arranging these trips ‘cause of some stuff he said about me. And I guess I should be thanking you here – to be honest, I’ve never had such a good night’s sleep as yesterday in a _really_ long while.”

Adachi got his hands from behind the neck.

“But last thing I want is to turn you into my caretaker or something, you know. So I’ll be perfectly fine if I get back to my usual schedule for a few days.” He chuckled wryly, eyes now locked on his own scarred wrists. “..That’s what awaits me further on anyway. No need to get me used to something.. different.”

Pressing his lips together, Yu let the silence linger for almost half a minute.

Then he turned his head to the left and cracked a smile.

“I don’t need any breaks from your company, Adachi-san. Just so you know. And I’m arranging these trips because I enjoy them myself, too.” Yu opened the hand he still held the phone in and looked at it. “But I.. do feel like seeing Yosuke tomorrow.”

“Then take a day off you've deserved and go do that,” Adachi returned a smile. “The progress we’re making with the case is fine too – if we finish with the Kubo kid today, there’ll be just the kidnapping instigation charges left. And it’s not like we have to rush anyway.”

Yu lowered his chin and opened his phone to write a text to Yosuke.

“So, the rest of the gang’s getting back here too?” Adachi asked when Yu pushed the ‘send’ button.

“Yeah,” Yu put the phone in the back pocket and let out a sharp breath. “We’re planning a reunion party on New Year’s.”

He knew that it was probably his own unprompted sigh that caused a surprised halt.

“..Is it just me or you don’t sound enthusiastic about this?” Adachi asked point-blank.

Yu was pressing his lips together for a while.

“I’m just uneasy about how it will all go,” he confessed at last. “We’ve been keeping in touch all these years, but.. more with some and less with the others.”

“That’s how communication in any large group always works,” Adachi shrugged. “You just naturally break into smaller groups of people who have more reasons or possibilities to communicate.” He paused and looked at Yu. “From your leader role though, I’d assume you’d be the center of this communication and have nothing to worry about.”

“I probably do have it better than anyone else in the group,” Yu admitted after pondering for a moment. “But I still feel responsible for how it is for the others, too.”

Adachi put his hands behind his neck again.

“Well, you’re all young adults with their own agendas. Pretty crazy agendas, too, by the way.” With a chuckle, he got his right hand from behind the neck and started ticking it off on his fingers. “Just from what I know you have an idol, two family business reps, and three law enforcement officials. Geez. For such a group, it’s hard to stay connected even in a single city, and you’re all in two different locations.” He paused. “Wait, you’ve mentioned Osaka. That makes it _three_ already.”

Unconvinced, Yu gave a slight shrug of his shoulders.

“Online chats and social networks are a part of most people's daily lives now.”

“Alright, but that’s the _means_. People still need the time, energy, and volition for that – no one can take responsibility for this stuff.”

After what seemed to be half a minute, Yu sighed again.

“I just feel like everything could’ve been better than it is now. And I can’t blame anyone but myself, because I think that _I_ didn’t do enough for the group to stay as it was 5 years ago.”

Forcing a wry smile, he dropped his eyes and lowered his voice.

“..Looks like I failed to keep what I got for granted after all…”

Adachi didn’t reply for some time and just gazed into the sky in the windscreen.

“It’s all cruelly ironic, you know,” he finally spoke up. “When I was graduating from school, I desperately wanted things to become different for me somehow. You were content with how things were for you and wanted to preserve them. But adulthood doesn’t give a damn about any of that. It’s just a sad and lonely place for the most part of it, and no one can do “enough” to change this…”

They both were silent for a few long moments.

“Maybe things aren’t too bad for you all, though,” Adachi looked back at Yu. “With how diverse your group is, it’s already surprising that you’ve all managed without completely falling out or having serious infighting so far.”

“We do have issues,” Yu confessed. “And they make the thought of a meet-up even more complicated.”

“Issues like what?”

“..Relationships-related ones, mostly.”

“Well, _that’s_ not surprising at all,” Adachi chuckled. “But can’t see how you’re responsible for or contributing to the problem.” His lips formed a smirk. “Unless you’ve got yourself a harem of teammates there or something.”

Yu failed to hold back a short laugh.

“No,” eyes closed and corners of his mouth still quirked up, Yu shook his head. “It’s not about me.”

“Why beat yourself up then?” Adachi shrugged. “Besides, you all still wanna meet – and that’s already not so bad. No use thinking about any wasted chances in the past or possible trouble in the future, right?”

Yu drew a slow, deep breath and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah. I guess so.” After turning his head to the left and facing Adachi, he bent an eyebrow. “By the way, you were saying something before the call. About our talks and me pointing out the good things to you. Although..” smiling wistfully, he rubbed his neck, “..with how easily the whole team reunion topic puts me out of it, guess I’ve lost some of that optimism I always held on to...”

“Welcome to the depressing land of young adults,” looking Yu in the eye, Adachi returned a wry smile, “the place where focusing on the good stuff is hard, 'cause you’re being constantly reminded that you can’t have the things you want most.”

His eyes locked on Adachi’s bitter smile, Yu found himself unable to look away. He felt the fingers ofn his both hands unconsciously curl up and a sudden lump in his throat make it harder for him to breathe.

He succeeded to finally snap out of it only after a dozen long, still, and almost awkward seconds.

“So what was it you were talking about?” Yu asked again after getting a grip on himself.

Adachi squinted, and Yu couldn’t really tell if the man was indeed trying to remember the thought he had started back then or was just making it look like he was.

“Guess it slipped my mind,” he shrugged. “Maybe some other time.”

With a quiet, dispirited sigh, Yu silently nodded and reached for his folder and a pen, ready to get back to the case work.

***

“Big bro!” Nanako’s eyes lit up the moment she opened the door. She stepped aside, letting Yu in, and then slightly knitted her brow. “You didn’t leave the key here after moving out, did you?”

“No, I still have it. But the lights were on, so I knew you’d come meet me if I knocked,” Yu smiled at her as he toed off his shoes and put his coat and bag off. “Uncle said you wanted to tell me something?”

“Um, yeah! Just a sec,” Nanako dashed toward the small cabinet under the calendar. After grabbing something from it she got back to her cousin.

“Here,” Nanako handed him a small handmade paper card.

Yu carefully took it in his hands and looked at the text written on it.

“An invitation to your Christmas concert?” he raised his eyes to Nanako and smiled. “Thanks, Nanako, I’ll be glad to be there. It’s just in 3 days, right?”

“Yeah. We want as many parents and relatives to come see us, so it’s on Sunday. You’ll really be there?”

Yu glanced at the time of the concert again – 12 pm – and figured that he could still pay Adachi a visit afterwards.

“Sure,” Yu nodded and Nanako thanked him with a beaming grin again.

“Hah, I told you he’d accept.”

Yu heard Dojima’s chuckle from behind the wall and followed Nanako to the kitchen area right around the corner. His uncle sitting at the table, surrounded by a load of documents, was a very familiar sight – it just used to be newspapers 5 years ago, when Dojima didn’t have to take his work home too often. Now it seemed that his position didn’t let him take a break even in the evenings.

“I can trust big bro’s promises at least,” Nanako turned her nose up.

“I told you, I’ll make it this time, too,” Dojima sighed. “You’re finished with your homework already?”

“Yes,” Nanako went up to the counter and got three mugs out of the cupboard. “So if you’re trying to send me back upstairs while you’ll be having some ‘serious adult talks’ here, you’ll have to come up with a better reason, dad.”

Not sure if he should interfere, Yu silently neared the table and sat down opposite his uncle.

“I actually needed you to stay here, young lady.”

Nanako turned around and blinked in surprise, but Dojima was already looking at Yu.

“How is your, uh, supervision of temporary parole sessions going?”

Yu just barely stifled a laugh at the complicated term Dojima coined for the outings.

“Good,” he answered as he watched Nanako brew tea in the blue, pink, and yellow mugs, “Adachi-san says that a change of scene makes him feel a bit better. I guess the doctor was right about those recommendations, but I never hoped they’d start paying off so fast.”

“It’s because you’re there too, big bro,” Nanako pointed out and Yu, humbled by the line, ruffled his hair.

“Any feedback from your department on that plan you mentioned?” Dojima followed up after a pause.

“Not much.” Yu thanked Nanako, who gave him his yellow mug and took a seat right next to him. “Boss and I agreed to discuss the case in 4 days, on Monday. I’m sure that with the political situation in Tokyo they’ve got their hands full now.”

“Yeah, this year’s elections are sure a mess…” Dojima took his mug and lowered his eyes to the documents, furrowing his brow a little.

Yu knew it was a sign of some mental preparation before uncle was going to say something quite important, so he patiently waited until he heard a heavy sigh and watched Dojima lift his gaze back up.

“I have a certain idea that may be considered almost reckless. But I would like to give it a shot anyway.”

Yu stayed quiet, making it clear that he was willing to listen anyway.

“Nanako’s concert is at noon on Sunday, 25th,” Dojima continued, and Nanako – surprised at the mention – drew her cup away from her lips. “It’ll end at around 3 pm, right, Nanako?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, a little confused, and her dad shifted his eyes back to Yu. 

“The meeting you asked me to arrange is set for the same day, 6 pm. The secretary apologized, but it was the closest day with a free slot in the schedule. And since some officers are taking 24th and 25th off, the station would be conveniently uncrowded.”

“Conveniently?” Yu arched an eyebrow.

“He said he doesn’t want any publicity for this meeting,” Dojima explained. “I think it’s good for you and Adachi too.”

Yu nodded, realizing that the possibility of encountering former coworkers wouldn’t be a good addition to an unpleasant enough perspective of a meeting with Namatame. Which Yu had yet to inform Adachi about.

“He agreed to meet with both of us then?” Yu asked.

“I explicitly mentioned Adachi’s presence, like you asked. The secretary should have relayed that,” Dojima confirmed and then rubbed his neck. “So what I wanted to say is: once you’re done with the meeting you two could.. drop by here for a while.”

Yu’s eyes widened and he blinked in shock.

“..Here?”

“Yeah. For the four of us to have a small dinner. Like old times.”

“With big bro and Adachi-san?!” Nanako’s eyes lit up in excitement and her father silently lowered his chin in a nod.

While the suggestion seemed very sudden, Yu knew that it took Dojima _a lot_ of consideration time and courage to go for it.

His lips relaxing into a smile, Yu nodded too.

“I’m definitely in for making this work, uncle. And I don’t think it’s reckless at all – I just need to notify the center’s administration about the late meeting, necessary for the case.”

“By ‘recklessness’ I also meant you getting him in here,” Dojima scratched his stubbed cheek. “But late time and a holiday are good advantages.”

“I think stopping the car right in front of the entrance will help Adachi-san stay out of anyone’s sight too,” Yu agreed and then turned to face Nanako. “Can you keep quiet about all this, Nanako?”

“Of course I will,” she nodded. “Don’t worry.”

“So we’re doing it?” Dojima asked and Yu couldn’t tell whether his uncle was more uneasy about the idea itself or about the now very real opportunity of meeting Adachi.

“If you are in, so am I,” Yu replied without hesitation. “This would be worth the risks even if they were substantial. But this may simply be considered another “temporary parole session”. And as a supervisor, I’ll be here as well.”

With a chuckle, Dojima lowered his eyes to the table and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, guess you’re right,” he agreed and looked up. “Then the only question left open is whether Adachi agrees to all this.”

Yu already parted his lips to say that there would be no problems with that, but then realized he actually couldn’t be sure in Adachi’s reaction to the whole endeavor.

“I believe he’d welcome the opportunity,” he said after a short halt, purposefully replacing ‘I hope’ with a more confident-sounding verb. “I’ll talk to him about this as soon as I see him.”

Yu already decided that even if Adachi would feel conflicted about the dinner, he’d do everything possible to persuade him. And he almost regretted that he’d only have a chance to have this talk in a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a look at this [stylish and adorable illustration](https://twitter.com/mellomemos/status/1288270651556614145) to the previous chapter, by @mellomemos ♡


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's obvious and I mentioned it in the header already, but RtD-prequel's events are _especially_ important for understanding this one chapter here, so.. yeah.

“Damn it, Inaba’s winters suck as always,” shuddering, Yosuke pulled up the zipper on his black-and-green anorak on top of a white loose shirt. “Sorry, guys. Making you wait for the train out in the cold here was probably not the best idea.”

“It’s fine,” Yu smiled as he and Yosuke slapped their hands in a high-five. “Good to see you.”

“And it’s not even that cold,” Kanji shrugged. He indeed wore an unzipped collarless jacket with just a jersey underneath.

After slapping Kanji’s palm too, Yosuke eyed him for a few seconds and then sighed.

“What?” Kanji asked, confused.

“Nothing, I just.. kinda hoped you bleached it back, man.”

“Yeah, right, like you did almost every day of your third high-school year and brought it up every time we met,” Kanji rolled his eyes but, after looking back at Yosuke, narrowed them. “..Is that a ponytail, senpai?”

Yosuke touched somewhat longer strands of his ever ginger-dyed hair, tied up just above the hairline on the neck.

“Yeah, decided to let some of it grow a little about a year ago.” He knitted his brow. “Wait. You mean you didn’t notice it in the photos, Kanji? Really?”

“..I, uh, missed a few of ‘em, I guess?”

“To be fair, all our timelines are completely flooded by Ted,” Yu noted in a pacifying tone.

“Nah, I muted him long ago,” Yosuke waved the line off. “I couldn’t even scroll the feed cuz he’s posting something every. freaking. 5. minutes.”

“..What’re you even doin’ in that sales department if you’re on your phone all the time?”

“It’s called ‘multitasking’, Kanji,” Yosuke screwed up his lips before letting out a sigh. “And trust me, you’d be trying to find a temporary distraction now and then too in my place. I have to put up with a boss, who invents a new crazy work strategy every damn month, forces me into a company meeting call when I’m at home with a fever, and almost makes me beg for a single _unpaid_ week-off like it’s some freaking month-long luxury vacation at the company’s expense.”

“Woah,” Kanji’s eyes rounded. “That.. sounds tough. Is all city business like this?”

Heaving yet another heavy sigh, Yosuke took his white sports-bag up from the ground.

“I’m not talking about work on my first _unpaid_ day-off. At least not before I have a drink, so it’ll wait till Shiroku pub opens.”

“That’s 2 more hours, if the schedule’s the same as in 2011,” Yu said after looking at his phone. “Where do you want to hang out till then?”

“And don’t ya need to see your folks first?”

“I was here about a year ago last time, so if I show up at home now, mom will barricade me in the house for a few days. Her nagging’s partially the reason I had to come here earlier.”

“What’s the other reason?” Kanji asked.

“Just needed a break, I guess,” Yosuke replied after a slight halt and put the bag on his shoulder. “Anyway, me going home now is out of the question, we’ll probably be bothering Nanako-chan at Yu’s place, so how about hanging out at Kanji’s?”

Yu decided that it was not the right moment to share the news about his current residence and didn’t correct Yosuke.

“No problem,” Kanji shrugged. “Then we can eat at Aiya’s, cuz Shiroku doesn’t serve food anymore. And I don’t wanna bother ma with whippin’ up dinner.”

“We can have Yu cook for us,” Yosuke winked as he tucked his left hand in the pocket of his jeans.

“That’s only if you go to Junes to buy the groceries,” Yu chuckled. “But I’m afraid you’ll have to spend hours talking to your father’s employees there instead.”

“Yeah, no, totally not happening,” Yosuke raised his left palm in a passing gesture and then adjusted the bag’s strap on his shoulder. “Off to the shopping district then. How’s it doing nowadays, by the way?”

Kanji sighed and started sharing the same depressing news that he had shared with Yu a few days ago.

***

“-..So it’s either me working for that guy or me getting back here and continuing to work for my dad for the rest of my life,” with a blunt sound Yosuke’s almost empty glass of beer hit the counter. “As long as I have this choice at least, I choose to stay in the city. And I’ve had enough of that ‘local-business-destroyer’ stuff as a teen. Don’t wanna go back to that.”

Kanji, who was sitting to the right of both Yu and Yosuke, ruffled his dark hair.

“I don’t think you’d get called this here now, y’know. Everyone’s kind of accepted that large stores, where you can pay for everything at once, are more convenient.” He gave out a laugh. “Although yeah, not sure I’d wanna be a sales rep in Junes if my ma was just employed there by some other guy, who owns the stocks.”

“But why is that company the only place you can stay at after you graduate?” Yu raised an eyebrow. “You can try searching for a new job after your internship ends this spring, right?”

“Yeah, and maybe in Tokyo, where almost the rest of the team is. I still don’t get why you chose to go all the way to Osaka for that college. I mean, not like it’s special or anythin’.”

Yosuke lowered his eyes to his beer, then lifted the glass, and drank all there was left in a few gulps.

“..Osaka’s kinda fun,” he said with his brow creased and eyes fixed on the now empty glass.

“Yeah, that sure as hell sounds convincing.”

“I hear Rise had quite a few lives there,” Yu said after he, smiling, gestured for the pub’s familiar hostess to refill Yosuke’s and his own glasses. “But her concerts are an almost regular thing in Tokyo.”

“Not that I have the time to attend them now anyway,” Yosuke shrugged.

Unsure how to respond, Yu stayed silent the whole time the Shiroku owner was refilling the glasses.

“It’s not like.. it’s bad there, at that workplace, y’know,” Yosuke went on after the hostess headed to another customer. “The pay’s good – like, _really_ good for the kind of routine tasks I have to do and for the grades I’ll have received by graduation. I mean, I fully paid off my new bike loan after only _four_ salaries. And it’s just internship,” he smiled while looking at his drink. “The attention I get from all the chicks in the department feels great too – one even asked me out a week ago. And my boss might be a jerk but he somehow still listens to my ideas and takes them seriously. So it’s.. not that bad.”

“Well it.. doesn’t _sound_ bad,” Kanji admitted as he scratched the back of his head. “But I’d think you’d look more, uh, hyped about all this if you really enjoyed it?”

“Yeah, you seem conflicted,” Yu agreed.

“I just-…” Pursing his lips, Yosuke stayed quiet for a while before he took another gulp of beer and let out a sharp breath. “I get a weird feeling when I start thinking about how my life from now on is gonna be exactly the way it’s been for me since April. I don’t mind stability, I guess, but…” he ran the fingers of his left hand through his bangs, “..I dunno.”

“Prolly you just dislike the stability you’ve got there now,” Kanji suggested and the line between Yosuke’s brows deepened.

“..I dunno,” he mumbled again and then sighed before emptying his third glass. “Damn, sorry, guys. The three of us meet for the first time in forever and I end up dragging you into my problems...”

“Hey, don’t apologize,” Yu smiled at him. “That’s what friends are for. We’re here to listen.”

“Yeah, ‘t was like this for us 5 years ago too, right?”

Yosuke forced a dry chuckle.

“..Right,” he lowered his eyes back to the empty glass. “Good and simple times when just talking about your problems made you feel better, huh…”

The words implied no intention of opening up and Yu bit his lower lip. He wondered if Kanji felt as scorched as him, but in the end, neither of them pressed on, as if fearing to face even more detachment.

“Okay, so, never mind,” Yosuke shook his head after asking for another refill. “How’s Nanako-chan doing, Yu?”

“Top of her class and a part of the school orchestra band,” trying to not let his low spirits affect further flow of the conversation, Yu smiled and took a sip from the glass. “They have a Christmas event this Sunday afternoon and I already received an invitation.”

“That’s some proud big bro’s voice there,” Yosuke smirked.

“Heh, senpai’s got full right to feel proud. He set one hella example for her 5 years ago.”

“I don’t think I have anything to do with that,” Yu smoothed the hair above his right ear. “She’s always been smart and capable.”

“Smart and capable kids need a role model too,” Yosuke took a gulp from the refilled glass and chuckled. “And setting a quality bar for others is something you’ve always been good at.”

Slightly puzzled by the line, Yu failed to come up with a reaction right away.

“Kanji, how’s Yukiko doing?” Yosuke followed up in an instant.

“That topic change sounded like she’s my cousin or somethin’,” Kanji laughed. “Dunno, seems pretty busy to me. We mostly talk about the fabrics the Amagi Inn needs anyway.”

Yosuke made a mumbling, contemplative sound.

“Maybe that’s why she stopped interacting with Chie’s posts a while ago.. But why only Chie then? Heard anything about them, Yu?”

“..Just how much time’re you spendin’ online, Yosuke-senpai?” Kanji narrowed his eyes, saving Yu from the need to answer.

“Nah, it’s the info from Ted.” Yosuke clicked his tongue. “That guy stalks everyone’s accounts everywhere and feels obliged to regularly call and report stuff like this to me for some reason.”

“And how’s _he_ have the time for that?”

“That’s basically his job now,” Yu explained. “After Rise helped him get into modeling, he gathered a large fanbase and is now an influencer.” He noticed confusion on Kanji’s face and clarified the term. “An internet celebrity of a sort.”

“You mean he actually _gets paid_ for simply posting all those texts with hundreds of cute emojis??”

“Don’t forget millions of same-looking selfies and dumb vids that all get crazy numbers,” Yosuke rolled his eyes. “He even beat Rise’s follower counter a few months ago.”

“You said you muted him,” Yu smiled mischievously but Yosuke just waved it off.

“Did that right after his “thanks-for-100k-subs” post where he ended up belittling Rise. They’ve been in a state of cold war ever since, from what I’ve heard.”

Kanji breathed out a heavy sigh.

“And you’re telling me to log in there every day? Internet’s a mess.”

“It’s just the way we could all keep in touch though. So it’s _us_. _We’re_ a mess,” Yosuke sighed and took a few gulps. “Some fun meeting it’s gonna be on New Year’s, huh…”

Yu suspected that Yosuke’s blunt phrasing was mostly the beer’s fault, yet couldn’t help but feel disheartened.

“Naoto seems to enjoy SNS less than anyone else though,” Yosuke added while mindlessly rotating his half-empty glass on the table. “Ted mentioned that she’s the only one who hasn’t responded to the invitation yet.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Yu saw Kanji raise his glass and take a few decisive gulps: even if he hadn’t been thinking about the 3-year-old incident a couple of seconds ago, he was sure doing it now.

“She’s got a crazy schedule at Public Safety. But if you’ve managed to leave your new coworker/girlfriend for a Christmas week, I’m sure that Naoto will manage to put the job aside for a day or two,” Yu smiled and chose to steer the conversation into a safer direction. “Tell us about that new girl, by the way.”

“She’s, like, the uh.. ninth? Eleventh?” appreciating the change of topic, Kanji forced a laugh too. “Every time I get kinda used to you mentioning the same name, there’s already a new one.”

“This summer Chie showed me one of your photos and said “Where’s Kimiko, she was the best!” – and to be honest, I didn’t even have the heart to tell her that there was one more girl after Kimiko and before the one in the pic,” Yu amicably taunted Yosuke. “Since then she’s been referring to you in the same way that I was branded by the “fortune teller lady” at Yasogami’s school festival.”

“ ‘Manwhore’ has always been a more fitting title for literally anyone than you and your devotion levels,” looking down at the table, Yosuke chuckled and then took another gulp of beer.

Confused, Yu wished he could write the line off as drunk humor, but a somewhat complicated smile on Yosuke’s lips implied that there was probably more to it.

“Not much to tell here, I don’t even really know her well,” Yosuke continued. “We just went to the movies once, ate out together a few times…” he shut his eyes and fetched a deep sigh. “Nah, screw this. Girls are a boring topic.”

“A 17-year-old you would’ve punched you in the face for this line, you know?” Yu chuckled, still trying to dispel the weird mood. “Weren’t they everything you ever wanted to talk about when-…”

“Why don’t _you_ tell us something about your private life for once?” Yosuke suddenly asked without lifting his eyes from the drink. “There’s been literally nothing personal on your pages for a long while, not even the pics with the roommates. You’re dating someone, right?”

Yu couldn’t tell whether Yosuke’s words indeed had a touch of irritation or it was just alcohol amplifying the emotions in his voice. In any case, he had to admit that the topic he had chosen turned out to be far from “safe”.

“Not now, no,” Yu rubbed the back of his neck and let out a short laugh. “With how busy I’ve been for the past year or so, I doubt that anyone would even enjoy having someone like me for a date.”

“Let’s hear about your ‘busy’ then,” completely ignoring the joking tone, Yosuke pressed on in the same bold manner while still staring at his drink. “What’s up with the sudden vacation to Inaba?”

“Wait, uh. Senpai’s still doing some work for the Operatives here,” Kanji noted and looked at Yu. “So what’s it about, by the way?”

As his attempts to ease the mood of the conversation only backfired, Yu tightened his grip on the glass. He couldn’t tell what felt wrong about the entire talk and wished he could channel it into the direction that would be comfortable for all three of them. But he knew that disclosing his reason for getting back to Inaba wasn’t going to help him make the talk any more comfortable.

“I’d rather tell you when we all gather,” he finally breathed out. “Right now, it’s just a plan and I don’t even have any precise info so-…”

Feeling Yosuke’s eyes on himself, Yu turned to meet his gaze – and didn’t continue.

“..Right, we used to share all the important stuff only when we met together,” Kanji chuckled after an awkward pause. “Just, uh, be sure to ask for help if you need it till then, senpai, ‘kay?”

“..Yeah,” Yu replied, eyes back on the table. “Thanks, Kanji.”

All three didn’t say a word for what felt like a few minutes, until the hostess came up to Yu.

“Never thought I’d be asking you this question, young man, but since you and your friends seem mature enough, would you, perhaps, want something stiff?” She smiled. “On the house.”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass,” with a polite smile, Yu shook his head. “You guys?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Kanji – who didn’t even finish his first and only glass of beer – replied.

Yosuke just shook his head in a ‘no’.

“Should I refill the beer then?”

Yu was about to answer when he heard the chair right next to himself screech.

“..I think I’ve had too much,” Yosuke mumbled and got up from his seat.

Kanji and Yu exchanged troubled glances as Yosuke decisively headed for the pub’s exit and soon closed the door from the outside.

“He’s not feeling well?” the hostess asked worriedly. “I still have medicine if he needs it.”

“You go check on him, senpai, I’ll cover the bill,” Kanji told Yu, who already got up from his chair and was taking his coat and Yosuke’s anorak from the hangers in the corner.

“Thanks, we’ll split it later,” Yu said as he was already on the way to the door.

When he went outside and hurriedly slipped over his coat, he noticed Yosuke, in his white shirt and dark jeans, under the nearby streetlamp – and rushed over to him.

“Yosuke, you all right?”

“Yeah,” hands in pockets, Yosuke was staring across the road. “I’m all right.”

After noticing that Yu was holding out his anorak, he mumbled ‘thanks’, took it and put it on.

They both shared a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

“Have I ever told you my theory on the secret behind your alcohol resistance?” Yu smiled, trying to ease the mood yet again.

“No,” the dry tone of Yosuke’s voice didn’t change.

“Maybe since dizzy spells were your specialty 5 years ago, you’re completely immune to the state now.”

Yosuke just shrugged off the silly joke that he would have definitely appreciated even a day before.

“Maybe.”

Yu pressed his lips together, closed his eyes, and then fetched a deep sigh.

“Yosuke, if you knew everything, why didn’t you get angry at me from the start? Why didn’t you say anything in a call yesterday?”

He heard a scoff in response.

“Knowing that _he_ might be there, listening?”

Yu drew his lip between his teeth and didn’t protest.

“When I called Chie a day after that show and she mentioned that you were getting back in town, I figured that it’s because of him,” Yosuke confessed, looking aside. “But I didn’t know for sure. I wanted to believe it was just a stupid coincidence. And that’s why I came here as soon as I could – to see if it is.” He threw a cold glance at Yu. “But looks like it’s not.”

“Hey guys! Yosuke-senpai, you okay?”

Seeing Kanji heading their way, Yu heaved a sigh.

“We need to talk,” he said in a quiet voice. “I rent a house nearby. We can head there after you grab your bag from Kanji’s house.”

Yosuke was silent for a few moments before muttering:

“Deal.”

***

After opening the door with the key, Yu let Yosuke – who already had a bag on his shoulder – in first.

“The switch is to the right.”

With the lights on, Yu closed the door from the inside and took off the shoes. As he was putting off the coat, he nodded towards the hanger, allowing Yosuke to leave his anorak on it. Once he hung his coat, he led the way to the living room and switched the lights in it.

“You want some water?”

“No. I’m good.”

Instead of making a detour to the kitchen, Yu neared the low square table and took the place near the bed. Yosuke sat on the pillow on the opposite side and slowly took a look around before fixing his eyes on Yu.

“Why aren’t you living with the Dojimas?”

“I didn’t want to impose myself on them this time.”

Yosuke let out a sharp breath.

“Fine, I’ll rephrase it for you: whose house is this?”

Yu lowered his eyes to the table and didn’t reply: it was obvious that Yosuke knew the answer anyway.

During the long minute of silence that followed, he feared a very likely possibility of Yosuke standing up and leaving, unable to stay in the house that used to be home to the man, whom Yosuke loathed more than anyone or anything in the world.

But Yosuke didn’t move.

“Which verdict are you trying to get him?”

“What?” with his brows furrowed, Yu abruptly raised his gaze and fixed it on Yosuke. “Are you _seriously_ asking me this, Yosuke?”

“Well, I can’t tell just how sick in the head you are now.”

After closing his eyes, Yu slowly shook his head, finding it hard to believe he really needed to spell something like this out.

“I’m building the case to prove his guilt and make him take responsibility for his actions. _Real_ ones, not the actions that were made up by the police in the attempt to make the story more believable. Only to _still_ not get the matter into court.”

“Meaning?”

“I want the Operatives to handle the prosecution.”

“So, you’re building him a case, based on everything that really happened, to have it justly judged by your department?”

“Yes,” Yu looked Yosuke in the eye. “That’s the reason I’m here.”

“And what’s _after_ you do that?”

“What do you mean?” Yu asked after a confused halt. “I want him to finally get a sentence. That’s it.”

“Will you continue to write him letters when he’s in prison, too?” Yosuke asked in a completely level voice, calmly holding Yu’s gaze.

Yu’s eyebrows shot up. He had never told anyone on the team about the books and letters, and the only ones who were aware of that had always been him, Dojima, and Adachi himself.

“..How do you know about it?”

It was Yosuke’s turn to spend a few silent moments in confusion.

“Wait, _you_ don’t know that I know about it?”

Be it another time, their exchange would’ve seemed absolutely ridiculous to Yu. But at the moment he was too overwhelmed with all the thoughts and questions in his head.

“So he didn’t tell you after all, huh?” Yosuke let out a scoff and looked aside. “Well, that explains why you didn’t call me out first… I wondered why the hell you were playing the fool.”

“Yosuke, I don’t understand.”

“Remember those two days last January when I visited you in Tokyo to celebrate my starting internship and your graduation?” Yosuke faced Yu again. “I accidentally saw his letter on your desk when I was searching for scissors. It dated back to only one week from then.”

Yu remembered both the visit and the letter – the one before last, written in a casual tone, mainly with the intention to give Yu some reticent good luck wishes for the New Year and his final exams.

“I didn’t read it of course and pretended that I didn’t see it at all to not appear weird to you – it really was an accident,” Yosuke shifted his gaze again. “But I just.. couldn’t stop getting back to it. When I got hit by the thought that maybe that bastard was sending you some threats 4 years later, I knew I had to go to that detention center next time I’d visit my parents. Which was in late February, right before my internship started.”

Stunned, Yu was slowly piecing the last spring’s events together.

“..What did you tell him?” he asked in a low voice.

“I asked the station staff all kinds of things first. And wasn’t sure whether what I learned was better than what I’d been afraid of,” Yosuke narrowed his eyes. “I’d never think my friend would send books and write letters to a murderer for 4 years straight.”

“What did you tell him,” Yu repeated louder, dourly looking at Yosuke and clenching his fists.

“The truth, Yu,” Yosuke held the gaze. “That it’s _sick_. That he’s a bastard who’s selfishly holding you back. That you’re a suffering idiot who’s ruining his own life because he’s clinging to the past.”

“I was and am not suffering and not clinging to the past, Yosuke,” Yu objected decisively.

“You were penpals with a convicted murderer with no future for 4 years! You’ve been gathering intel from Naoto on his case all this time!” Yosuke got his smartphone out of the pants pocket. “Hell, you still hold on to a damn flip-flop phone from when you were 16, Yu, and now you’re even living in his house! Everything about you is stuck in 2011!”

“These are my conscious decisions,” Yu shook his head. “It’s not about ‘being stuck’.”

“Is it your conscious decision to ruin your own life?!”

“You can’t accuse me of not caring about my own future when I’m getting my degree and working with the Operatives.”

“Honestly?” Yosuke couldn’t stifle a scoff. “All that study-rush, law graduate school, the Operatives? I’m not even sure you haven’t been doing everything for _his_ sake all this time, consciously or not!”

“I had been doing what I do now before the case came to a standstill – and continued after what I thought to be Adachi-san willingly cutting ties with me once and for all,” Yu contradicted. “When it was actually _your_ incentive, right?”

“Yes, and I did it for _your own good_ ,” Yosuke stressed. “I told him that you were tired of it all too but didn’t have the guts to put a stop to it. That you didn’t need this bond in your life and that if he had at least some gratitude to you for what you had been doing for him all these years, he should finally pay you back.”

“You told him lies that almost broke him,” Yu muttered, clenching his gloved fists.

“ “Broke?” He spent our whole meeting staring into a corner with that stupid-ass dead smile and then just suggested he should leave you alone on _his own_.”

“That’s what breaking someone _is_.”

“I called you a few weeks after that visit,” Yosuke continued, ignoring Yu’s words, “and you seemed down, so I figured the bastard did step back.”

“I was “down” for _months,_ Yosuke.”

“You would’ve gotten better in the end!” Yosuke balled his hands into fists as well. “You simply needed time to readjust to living without looking back and holding on to the bond that never meant to be!”

“Cutting this bond felt wrong to me even half a year later. Just _how much_ time do you think I needed to “readjust”?”

“But then that jerk just _had_ to show up on TV!” Yosuke ignored him again. “He just _had_ to remind everyone about his damned existence and _of course_ you learned about that broadcast! And rushed here again, falling into all this meaningless, stupid hell!”

“Don’t call it ‘hell’ just because _you_ think it’s wrong!” Yu accidentally raised his voice a little, but then drew a slow breath and forced himself to calm down. “I know you detest him, but he’s not some sort of a monster, Yosuke. In a way, he’s a victim of complicated and unfortunate circumstances, too. You just don’t know the real him.”

“I know that he murdered the girl I liked in cold blood – and it’s enough for me.”

“Yosuke, _please_!” closing his eyes, Yu almost groaned and covered his face with his left hand. “Directly or not, he killed two people, it’s true, I never denied this and never will, but can you..” he slowly lowered his hand and bent his eyebrows in genuine pain, “..can you please stop pressuring me with this guilt by referring to Saki-san as ‘the girl I liked’ over the years and making me feel like every good emotion I can’t help but have for Adachi-san is a personal crime against you?”

Yosuke didn’t say anything and was staring back at Yu with his brow creased.

“I’m really sorry I’m saying this, but,” Yu closed his eyes, “you barely even knew her. And with how inconsistent, ever-changing, and even shallow at times your feelings for all the girls you’ve ever dated have always been, I don’t think you can even remember Saki-san well now.”

He heard a dry chuckle that almost sounded like a scoff.

“Seriously? _Now_ you’re suddenly getting all interested in analyzing and understanding my feelings, Yu?”

“I just know that you cared about her, but I think that she wouldn’t ever mean as much to you as you would want to believe,” Yu exhaled with his eyes half-closed. “Sorry.”

After a few moments of silence, Yu started to regret his own words and was desperately searching for the way to apologize.

“..If you’re so good at reading me, then why the hell have you never noticed how much _you_ meant to me, huh?”

Taken aback, Yu slowly looked up at Yosuke’s frown.

“ “Inconsistent and shallow”? I bet it looks this way,” Yosuke huffed and looked aside. “Hell, it _is_ this way. I was dating one girl after another, leaving each of them behind with almost no regrets, hoping to find something special and real. Something that’d finally make me fall head over heels,” He balled his hands into fists on the table. “Something strong and persevering through time, getting the best of me even when I was trying to shut it all down…”

Yosuke slowly fixed his eyes back on Yu.

“Something that would at least slightly resemble what I used to feel for you, partner.”

Only after hearing the word ‘partner’ for the first time in years, Yu realized that at some point in the past Yosuke stopped calling him that way. He couldn’t tell when and how it happened, and this felt utterly, terribly wrong.

All the words got stuck in Yu’s throat and all he could do was hear Yosuke go on.

“I started feeling this way during your year in Inaba. I hoped it’d pass next year, but it didn’t,” he gritted his teeth, looking down. “I knew it was sick, filthy, and wrong but I couldn’t do anything about it. I got scared when you suggested renting an apartment together if I decided to study in Tokyo too – and ran away to Osaka.”

Yosuke fell silent for a few moments.

“I kept running away for years until I finally built my own routine and got used to the whatever ‘stability’ I have now. That day last January when I declined your offer to work as the Operatives together, I think I shut that door in my mind for good.”

Trying to wrap his head around everything he just heard, Yu swallowed hard.

“..I saw you keeping distance from me,” he said in a careful voice, eyes mindlessly staring at the table surface. “But I always thought it was because you couldn’t forgive me for that “choice” you believed I made on the day before leaving Inaba. Because that’s when – I felt – things started to get weird between me and you. And I never brought that up since I knew I couldn’t erase what I had done.”

The silence between them lingered for a minute. When Yosuke spoke up, his words seemed to be an abrupt change of the topic at first.

“You liked him, right?”

Pressing his lips together, Yu closed his eyes. At this point, avoiding answers felt meaningless.

“I did.”

He feared that the pause would end in Yosuke asking him the one question he didn’t want to hear.

“You still like him now?”

And it did end with it.

Clenching his hands into fists and biting his lower lip, Yu didn’t reply for what felt like almost half a minute.

“..I don’t know. Not in the same way as before, I hope,” he answered on an outbreath, then opened his eyes and looked at Yosuke with a wan smile on his lips. “You think that _I_ don’t realize it would be hopeless? That I would want to be crushed by that pain all over again? To live with an unrequited attraction to a person, who’d have to spend his life behind bars?”

He slowly looked over the room and fetched a sigh.

“I moved in here to deal with the emotions I had back when I was 16. Face them, understand them, and get over them. It’s one of the reasons why I got back to Inaba in general, too. Because..” he dropped his eyes to his clenched hands on the table surface again, “..because no matter how much time passes for me outside of this town, there’s something inside me that just.. doesn’t feel right.”

He heard no reaction for another minute or two.

“You liked him the same way I liked you,” Yosuke summed up after letting out a sharp breath. “And that’s why I still hate the bastard’s guts. You’re right – it’s been mostly not about Saki-senpai.” His brow knitted, Yosuke looked Yu in the eye. “I just always knew that because of him I never had a chance. The same way I didn’t have it in your choice 5 years ago.”

In a few moments of silence, Yu heard the floor screech and saw Yosuke stand up. Afraid of him leaving on such a note, Yu started to get up to his feet too, desperately searching for the words to make him stay and finish the talk. Even though he was almost sure there was nothing left for them to discuss.

Yet instead of heading to the hallway, Yosuke slowly circled the table and stopped right next to Yu. A second later, he lowered his knees on the floor, making Yu release the table he held onto while intending to get to his feet.

_“Well, well…”_

The line in a familiar voice cut through all the thoughts roaming in Yu’s head, stunning him with the strongest déjà vu he had ever experienced in his life.

“I don’t know why I rushed here from Osaka like crazy, desperately hoping that the guy I was in love with is finally over his stupid crush on that scum.” Yosuke muttered, looking down. “I don’t even know why I told you all this…”

In the back of his mind, Yu thought that it was probably the room’s fault – after all, this wasn’t the first time it spurred its guests into spontaneous, fruitless confessions.

“I mean, I don’t know what I was going to do if you actually _were_ over him. Not like anything makes sense now that we’re both living the lives that we’ve built for ourselves over the years...”

Yosuke slowly raised his right hand and carefully rested it on Yu’s left shoulder, letting him feel the shiver in his arm.

“..But I just..” his fingers dug in the fabric, “..I just want to feel what exactly I had to leave with you, partner.”

His voice a whisper, Yosuke leaned in.

“Just this once...”

After the line brushed against Yu’s lips, Yosuke swiftly covered them with his mouth. A split second later he put his left hand on Yu’s other shoulder, tightly gripping the arms through the purple shirt – and immediately deepened the kiss.

Still stunned, Yu simply stared at the dark-brown eyelashes of Yosuke’s closed eyes for almost a dozen seconds. During this pause, he had to admit that he simply couldn’t let himself hurt Yosuke even more than he had already hurt him over the years without even knowing it – and started to uncertainly and slowly return the kiss. Yu could tell that he wasn’t even nearly matching Yosuke in eagerness; that his moves were hesitant and probably came off as halfhearted, giving out his mixed emotions. But he couldn’t do anything to change it and only hoped that Yosuke didn’t find his poor mimicry offending.

Even if he did, Yosuke was definitely set on somehow improving the situation and continued to put all the feelings, which he had been consciously suppressing all this time, into the kiss. A couple of moments later, Yu could feel the hands squeeze his shoulders harder and decisively push him down.

Soon, Yu was already on his back and had to shut his eyes from the bright light of the lamp on the ceiling.

The darkness he fell into made his senses focus on all the small details: the cold bare floor beneath him. The low table’s leg right above his right shoulder. The lips that still smelled and tasted of beer, hungrily – almost violently – brushing against his own.

Everything he had already once experienced in this very same room.

As if bridging the now and then, the vivid images from the past started to warp his reality, transforming it into something so similar yet so entirely different. Yu would have called it all an extremely cruel twist of fate, meant to ridicule both his complicated memories of this room and his friendship with Yosuke by aligning all the circumstances in such a painfully ironic way.

 _Would have_ if his mind didn’t subside to the intangible force that was throwing him back in time and go blank without any warning.

Slightly trembling, his right gloved hand raised on its own. Once his fingers clenched what appeared to be a shirt’s collar, Yu lifted his head from the floor –

_“...'cause you're being constantly reminded that you can’t have the things you want most.”_

– and began to passionately kiss back the mouth that was covering his own.

Without even realizing it, Yu was silently pleading for his heated response to not be the end of it – and only a short quiet moan from the chest above set his mind at ease. Yu replied with a deep moan of his own and bent at the neck, starting to put even more ardor in the kiss. He lifted his left hand and clenched the thin shirt on the back with it while already undoing the buttons on the front with the fingers of the right hand.

After getting yet another bite on the lips, Yu laid his left palm flat on the body’s back and pushed it down to himself. The moment the tight fabric below the belt pressed against his own pants, he arched in rapture, squeezed his eyes tight, and broke the kiss to let out a longing groan.

His whole body shivering, Yu let his left hand crawl under the thin shirt and inwardly wished he could feel the skin though the glove fabric. With his right hand, he went all the way up – from the lowest undone button to the neck – and cradled the face with the palm, wanting to bury his fingers in the short, ever disheveled, dark-

The moment his fingers touched the long bangs, Yu’s eyes flew open – and he froze at the sight of Yosuke’s flushed face and slightly swollen lips right above.

As Yu was panting, the understanding of everything that had happened both in reality and in his head dawned on him, filling him with guilt, shame, and pain. Debilitated, he carefully released the grip of his fingers and slid both hands down.

After a minute of awkward stillness, Yosuke, who was recovering his breath, moved a bit to the side. Yu sat up on the floor as well and averted his eyes, unable to meet his friend’s gaze.

Absentmindedly staring at the floor, he anxiously waited for the silence to end, but as if on purpose, Yosuke didn’t speak for nearly 5 minutes, letting Yu suffer in agitation.

“Say, Yu,” when Yosuke finally spoke up, his voice was low and dry, breath back in order. “After I pushed you down… Did you..” He paused, as if unsure if he really wanted to know the answer. “..Did you think of me there, at least for a second?”

His lips a tight line, Yu slammed his eyes shut and clenched his fists, unable to say anything in reply.

Telling the truth felt just as unbearable as lying.

In a few moments he heard a shaky chuckle.

“..Yeah. I figured you didn’t.”

In yet another tormenting silence Yu could hear quiet rustle of clothes as Yosuke was slowly buttoning his shirt back up.

“Hell, the bastard’s lucky,” Yosuke chuckled when he was done. “You should’ve seen your face right until you realized it was just me. No one ever longed for me as madly as you want him, you know.”

Yu bit his lower lip hard.

“..Yosuke, I-..”

“Too bad I have this stupid hair, right?” the twitching notes in his voice were getting out of control. “Ruined the immersion, I bet. Sorry.”

“Yosuke, please _-..”_

“Oh. Probably a tie would’ve been good too? Then you wouldn’t have had to force yourself into that pity-kiss at the start for too long.”

“ _Please_ , Yosuke, don’t, I’m _-..._ ”

In an instant, Yu felt a hand grab him by the shirt collar and had to look into Yosuke’s face, filled with pain and rage.

“Cut the hell out with your ‘please’s already, Yu! What right do you even think you have to ask _me_ for any kind of favors now?!” he spat. “And what – you suddenly can’t take some sarcasm, really? Isn’t that what your dearest psycho loves so much?!”

Yu averted his eyes but didn’t retort.

“Seriously, what did he even _do_ to you when you were sixteen – put you under some goddamn charm spell?! Why can’t you just get over some average dick with a criminal record?! Why did you even _feel_ anything for someone like him from the start?! Why…” Gnashing his teeth, Yosuke clenched Yu’s collar even harder as his eyebrows bent in pain. “..Why does he have to take away _everything_ that I ever want?!…”

Completely dumbfounded, Yu parted his lips, but couldn’t utter a single word for a few seconds.

“..It’s not him this time,” he muttered at last. “It’s me. It’s.. my fault you’re suffering.”

“Then fucking _do_ something about it!!” Yosuke snapped as he gave Yu a shake. “Move out of his house! Drop his case! Don’t get in contact with him _ever. again_!”

Yu slowly closed his eyes and curled up his fingers.

“..I can’t do this,” he muttered again.

“Because you want to be in unrequited love with a murderer, who has no future?!”

“Because I want to be honest with my own feelings, Yosuke,” Yu exhaled and raised his guilt-filled gaze. “And I don’t want to run from them. No matter how sick, hopeless, and painful they may be.”

Yosuke’s eyes widened as he somewhat weakened his grip on the dark-purple collar. In a few moments, his lips formed a bitter smile and he breathed out a twitchy chuckle.

“Nice work throwing shade on me, partner,” he lowered his eyes. “As if me confessing to you earlier would’ve changed something…”

Yu didn’t respond – that was something they both would never know. The ‘shade’ was also not his intention – he simply said how it all was for him.

“It.. really wouldn’t have, I guess, ‘cause.. I just can’t imagine myself ever settling down with a guy…” Yosuke mumbled, drawing his lip between the teeth and slowly releasing Yu’s shirt.

They both didn’t move or exchange a word for about 5 minutes more.

“..Well, this got super ugly real quick,” Yosuke chuckled nervously, his eyes staring at some meaningless point on the floor. “I wished you could move on from something without a future, but I’ve never been ready to offer it to you either, huh…”

The silence filled the air for another minute or two.

“..I should go,” Yosuke muttered as he got to his feet. “It would’ve been better if I hadn’t come here or interfered with anything at all. You have your life and I have my own. Things are way too different for both us now and there’s just.. no point in anything anymore…”

When Yosuke already made a few decisive steps toward the exit, Yu clenched his hands and carefully spoke up again.

“I’m sorry, Yosuke,” he said in a barely hearable voice. “..I’m truly, terribly sorry that it all turned out this way.”

Looking away, Yosuke stopped and was silent for a few more moments, as if contemplating whether he should say something or not.

After a while, he just heavily exhaled.

“I’m sorry it all turned out like this too, Yu,” he resumed the steps. “Goodbye.”

Dazed and unable to do anything about all the hurt and guilt tearing him from the inside, Yu simply listened to the rustle of clothes in the hallway – and then shut his eyes to the sound of a door, closed from the outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies in advance for taking my time with replying to any comments for a while - my current internet connection is very unstable. Also, it will most likely take me longer to get the next update ready and posted here: with the political mess in the country I live in, I don't have the, um, mental capacity to concentrate on anything creative for now.
> 
> Thank you so much for the support of this silly fic! 100 kudos are an unexpected but heartwarming milestone for me ･ᴗ･


	10. Chapter 10

###

Even just a few days of eating home-made food made getting back to the jail’s regular menu more difficult than Adachi expected.

“..That’s why I’m telling you I don’t need these new habits, kid,” Adachi sighed as he put his unfinished breakfast away and reached for the book he had been reading since waking up. In just a single day of Yu’s absence, he made it all the way to the end of the novel and had only a dozen or so pages left.

When a few minutes later he heard the steps along the corridor, Adachi lifted an eyebrow and listened in. Years in jail gave him some sort of an arguably useful skill that helped him tell the number of people closing in and – sometimes – even recognize who exactly it was. Naturally, the last part only applied to those people, whose gait he had heard at least a couple of times before.

Over the past week, Adachi had enough chances to learn what Yu’s steps sounded like and now had no doubts it was him.

After laying the book aside, Adachi lazily got up from the futon, put on his jacket, and smoothed the tie. He made a step to the door and leaned against the wall next to it, hearing voices close by.

“..-so I’m just curious about how much you’ve already splurged on the gas for the trips.”

“Can’t really tell. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Yeah, _sure_ you weren’t paying attention. Bet Public Safety’s paying green graduates more than this hole pays its staff with experience, huh?”

In a couple of moments, the keys turned in the lock and the door opened, letting Shirazuki in.

“Good morning, experienced-cell-door-opener, sir,” Adachi smiled.

"Shut up," the guard ordered, glaring at him.

“Oh, right. I forgot about the impeccable skill of locking two metal rings around someone else's hands," Adachi went on ridiculing the jailer, putting handcuffs on his wrists. "The result of long and truly dedicated training, sir. Impressive.”

Lips twisted, Shirazuki clicked the handcuffs shut and then literally pushed Adachi outside the cell.

With a satisfied snicker, Adachi looked back at the guard, who was picking up his food tray, but the moment he turned to Yu and saw the empty look on his face, he felt the corners of his own mouth drop back down.

A split-second later Yu broke their short-lived eye contact without offering a usual smile.

“Morning,” Yu almost mumbled, and mumbling wasn’t what he ever did.

The realization that he had never gotten such a detached greeting from Yu before didn’t hit Adachi as hard as the fact that this unusual greeting affected him _at all_.

Slightly furrowing his brow and still startled at his own reaction, he didn’t even reply.

“So, earlier today?” Shirazuki asked after closing the cell door.

“Yeah,” Yu nodded. “We’ll be back around 4.”

Adachi’s lips formed a thin line.

“Well, it _is_ Christmas Eve,” the jailer shrugged. “Glad you’re not crazy enough to spend it in this guy’s company.”

Yu let the comment slide. He turned around and started walking back along the corridor, while Adachi just as silently joined him.

“Looking terrible,” facing forward, Adachi said in a level voice after a few steps. “Got any sleep?”

“Yeah. Some.”

“ ‘Some’ it seems.”

They made a dozen of more measured steps in silence.

“..We’ll need to talk,” Yu finally breathed out.

“Yeah,” Adachi admitted that he should’ve expected this. “I guessed as much.”

###

Unsure, how long the talk would take, Yu suggested driving some distance away from the detention center to avoid any questions from the staff, who were always monitoring the parking lot through the cameras. After driving out of Okina, they pulled over to the shoulder of the main road that lead out of the prefecture.

“So, what is it you wanted to talk about?” Adachi asked from the backseat, which he always occupied when they were driving to and out of the center – again, to avoid trouble.

Yu closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them and looking up in the mirror.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Yosuke’s visit?”

Adachi looked right in the mirror too.

“The question here is why _he_ didn’t tell you before, don’t you think? He had almost a year for that, after visiting me in February.”

Pressing his lips together, Yu said nothing.

“Before you came here a week ago, I had actually thought that you were well aware of it,” Adachi added, “or even had sent the kid here yourself to relay the message back then.”

“I’d never do that,” Yu decisively dismissed the theory. “And everything you’ve heard about me during that visit wasn’t true.”

“We’ve spent three full days to clear that up with you, yeah,” Adachi let out a mirthless laugh and paused for a while. “..But he did have a point there. About you wasting your efforts on a bond that doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does make sense to me. I told you the day before yesterday that I-..”

“Enjoy our conversations?” Adachi bent his eyebrow and shaped his lips in a bitter smile. “C’mon, kid, you can find a companion like me anywhere. It’s not like my thoughts and opinions are unique or something.”

“They are,” Yu disagreed at once.

Adachi let out a tired sigh in response, giving up on his yet another failed attempt to change Yu’s mind on the matter.

“I bet he didn’t tell you anything exactly because of such an attitude. And I didn’t mention it ‘cause it felt like a bother to meddle in your personal affairs,” Adachi shrugged. “When he called you the other day, I thought he intended to play along and make it look like nothing happened. But he probably thought that since you and I had met, I’d told you about his visit myself.” He chuckled weakly. “Looks like he doesn’t trust me much even after I _did_ stop answering your letters, like I told him I would.”

Upon hearing the last line, Yu started suspecting that Adachi had been forced to promise Yosuke not to tell anything about their meeting.

“You had a serious fight ‘cause of it?” Adachi arched an eyebrow, interrupting Yu’s thoughts. “You look way worse than I’d imagine you would after being called out and receiving some slaps upside the head for getting involved with the bad guy-me.”

Yu wished he could call what had happened yesterday a ‘fight’ at all.

He closed his eyes and drew a slow breath, preparing the next question in his mind.

“You mentioned Yosuke when you were asking about my date,” Yu made himself look in the mirror and meet Adachi’s eyes. “You had the reason for it, didn’t you?”

Adachi didn’t seem startled by the question and just chuckled.

“So you two _are_ an item.”

“We aren’t,” Yu shook his head. “I just want to know if it was something Yosuke said that made such an impression on you.”

“He didn’t need to say anything, kid,” Adachi replied with a shrug. “The way he talked about you when accusing me, the very fact that he went out of his way to come see me in jail because of you… It certainly didn’t look like friendship to me.” He paused. “..Well, I never actually had real friends, so I’d never know about this ‘closeness’ thing you talked about.”

Yu pressed his lips together, silently wondering if he should insist that close bonds indeed weren’t about romantic relationships alone and this was just a coincidence. But even though it was true, he felt like he was the last person with the right to state this.

“Didn’t expect you to bring that up. It seemed to me that you didn’t like the topic,” Adachi chuckled and, none the wiser, teased: “Did he ask you out all of a sudden or something?”

Despite himself, Yu bit his lip at the nonchalant line and couldn’t find the strength in himself to reply.

Which was a pretty obvious answer on its own.

“..He really did, huh?” Adachi raised his cuffed hands to ruffle his hair. “Well, uh.. guess I can imagine just what a mess of an evening you had yesterday…”

No matter what ‘mess’ Adachi imagined, Yu was sure it was a lot better than how things actually went down.

“Took him long enough, though,” Adachi followed up after a while. “I doubt that he’s had this crush since last winter.”

“He said he felt like he’s never had a chance,” Yu muttered, eye fixed on the wheel.

“Wow, your date’s _that_ intimidating?”

Yu knew that he had no one but himself to blame for getting unknowingly scorching taunts like this.

“Or – if your date’s a girl – he might have simply thought that you weren’t interested in guys. Makes me feel like I could’ve given him some hints.” Adachi smiled wryly. “Although, he would’ve probably broken the visiting room glass and strangled me if I’d gone there. And I bet you weren’t available a year ago either, so my input would’ve made no sense anyway…”

The car sank into silence for nearly half a minute.

“So, uh.. he got rejected, I figure?”

Yu hadn’t planned to discuss this with Adachi in any sort of detail, but his desperate need to get at least some of the pain off his chest was stronger. And ironically, for the similar reason why Adachi was the least fitting person for such a talk, he was also the only person for Yu to openly talk to about everything that had happened.

With a sigh, Yu leaned back in the seat too. 

“He said that he wasn’t sure about having this sort of a relationship in any case. Called it.. too complicated,” he intentionally replaced Yosuke’s line of adjectives with a single word not to make it look like he was complaining: he felt that he had no right of doing it.

“You mean, he never intended to make it serious?” Adachi bent an eyebrow. “Why tell you anything at all then?”

Yu pressed his lips together, realizing that him restoring the connection with Adachi had probably been the key trigger for Yosuke. Had he not returned and got involved with the case, he would have probably never learned all the things Yosuke had unveiled the previous evening.

And Yu wasn’t sure this would have been fairer that way.

“..I think it got too overwhelming for him,” he finally replied. “Serious intentions or not, what he told me sounded.. really hurtful. I feel guilty for not noticing how bad he’s been having it throughout the years on his own, and if getting this out could help him in some way, listening was literally the least I could do.” He fetched a heavy sigh. “Maybe if we’d discussed all this earlier, he wouldn’t have had to suffer for so long…”

Adachi waited for a few seconds before asking.

“He felt better after telling you everything then?”

Even when Yu was staring into nothingness, he could still clearly see Yosuke’s expression - filled with bitterness and pain - in his mind.

“..No,” he answered honestly as he closed his eyes. “I don’t think that he did.”

Without vocally agreeing to it, they both stayed silent for about a minute, until Adachi breathed out a quiet sigh.

“Y’know, the whole premise of ‘relationships’ always seemed kinda absurd to me,” he suddenly spoke up in a relaxed tone. “I mean, with how unstable and complicated emotions are, what're even the chances of two different people sharing the exact same kind and level of attachment to each other for at least somewhat extended time, huh?” He shrugged. “It’s crazy, if you think about it. And as I used to tell you before, in most cases bonds only work so long as both sides have the wish and the energy to ignore the gap. Or, well, fill it with some silly fantasies and hopes that there’ll be a satisfying balance someday.”

Yu lifted his eyes to the mirror and saw Adachi raise his hands to rub the neck under his shirt’s collar as he went on.

“Relationships are all ‘give and take’, and there’s like one-in-a-million probability that two people will be fully satisfied with the deal. The requirements are just too different and you can barely control the offers,” Adachi shifted his gaze to the window on his right. “I used to feel betrayed and blamed my dates when those few ‘deals’ I had didn’t seem fair to me. But now that I look back on them, I realize there was no way they could be “fair”. That’s just not how reality functions. You can’t expect the needs and offers of two different people to conveniently complement each other or something...”

After a short halt, Adachi turned his face back and looked straight in the mirror.

“That was a needlessly long start, but what I wanted to say is that.. you’re not at fault here, Yu-kun,” he summed up. “Requited feelings are either rare coincidences or self-deception. Which doesn’t last long anyway. At least you were honest with yourself and that kid there and didn’t create a mess that’d just make you both suffer.”

Adachi offered a wan smile.

“Besides, you once said you wanted to learn to make your own choices, even if they end up hurting others, right? That’s exactly one of such choices. And looks like you did learn a thing or two about handling them.”

Inwardly, Yu let out a mirthless laugh. Choices that involved Adachi were the ones that had always been easily made in his head on their own. Even if he ever tried to stop and consider the alternatives – that were often more feasible, more logical, and less painful – deep down inside he already knew the decision he’d go for. Just like he knew that he wouldn’t regret this decision later.

He hadn’t learnt a thing. He _refused_ to learn.

And he couldn’t even voice this, because Adachi had no idea that the choice they were talking about involved him at all.

“Are you trying to perk me up, Adachi-san?” Yu cracked a smile, meeting the dark eyes through the mirror.

He expected something resembling a scoff or a sneer in return, but got an arched eyebrow and a mischievous smile instead.

“Not sure my on-brand ‘bonds are crap’ is a good approach here, but that’s the best I can do.”

Feeling his mouth go hopelessly dry, Yu regretted his question and slowly averted his gaze again.

“Must be weird to hear all this stuff when you’re in a relationship, but.. well, if it’s not your first one, you get what I mean. And if it is – you’ll probably get it later,” Adachi shrugged. “In any case – bet that person the Junes kid lost you to would be flattered if they knew how you dealt with all this.”

Yu was sure “they” would just call him a lunatic.

“So just give it some time now, I guess. And don’t stress about this too much.”

Yu’s heart was helplessly clenching at the unexpected support right from the root cause of his inner turmoil. He wasn’t even sure what part of the previous evening he was stressing about more now, because talking to Adachi was making him feel somewhat better and hurt even more at the same time.

Still, this contradicting mixture of emotions had been defining their connection for a long time for him, and Yu – yet again – had no one but himself to blame for choosing to stubbornly hold on to the bond nevertheless.

“Thanks. I’ll try to,” he said in the voice that accidentally let out more hurt on the surface than Yu would ever allow himself to show.

“Should’ve canceled today’s road trip to get some rest, too,” Adachi added. “I told you I’d be fine.”

Yu softly shook his head and rubbed his neck with the right hand, eyes on the wheel.

“I felt like I needed to ask you those questions right away. To get the full picture.”

“Well, yeah,” Adachi agreed. “The faster you have it all cleared up, the faster you’ll get over it.”

Yu wasn’t sure about the ‘getting over’ part, but the full understanding was something he definitely needed.

He couldn’t voice it but his early morning decision to meet Adachi as soon as possible was also in part due to the understanding of a simple truth: the longer he’d wait, the harder it would be. And those first ten minutes of seeing Adachi in the morning proved him right: Yu had to apply all his will to calmly look in the dark eyes again without letting the still vivid visions from yesterday race up his pulse and take his breath away.

“I also need to prepare some plans for tomorrow,” Yu said as he started the car, getting it back on the road. “I want to confirm them with you first and with the center’s higher-ups later. That’s why today’s outing will be a little shorter.”

“We aren’t going to Hokkaido next, are we?” Adachi smirked and Yu appreciated the joke with a short laugh.

“Much closer. To Inaba.”

Adachi didn’t respond but Yu could tell he tensed up a bit.

“We have a meeting with Taro Namatame at 5 in the evening tomorrow,” Yu clarified on his own. “It’s regarding the case.”

During the extended moment of silence, Yu kept glancing at the mirror in the hope of spotting any sort of change on Adachi’s blank expression.

But in the end, all Adachi did was just shrug.

“The instigation charges talk right with the victim, huh. Should’ve seen that coming.” He chuckled. “Sounds like some busy Christmas for you there, though.”

“I don’t mind. It’s the ‘good’ and ‘useful’ kind of busy,” Yu assured him while keeping quiet about the fact that he could use literally _any_ kind of busy at the moment.

“Well, plan confirmed then.”

Although he had anticipated a more complicated reaction to the perspective of meeting Namatame, Yu was relieved to have at least one issue resolved so easily. He still had a more delicate one to discuss, after all.

“There’s.. more to this Sunday trip,” he continued soon.

“Mm?”

“Uncle’s taking the evening off and wants us four to have a small dinner at his place.”

Adachi’s brow furrowed.

“…”Us four”?”

“Uncle, Nanako, me, and you,” Yu explained, his eyes on the road. “Nanako’s having an orchestra band concert tomorrow, so uncle and I will go see it first. Then I’ll drive to Okina to get you to the meeting with Namatame at Inaba’s station. And we’ll stop by uncle’s place for an hour or two afterwards.”

Adachi was still silent for a few moments, his eyebrows not straightening.

“..You mean that the dinner's gonna be _after_ the meeting that starts _at 5pm_?” Adachi asked and then shook his head. “Look, if you’re planning to leave me in one of Inaba’s cells for the night, then just straight out shoot me in the head instead, kid. I know every damn person in there and sure as hell don’t wanna see their faces again.”

“It’s not a problem for me to drive you back to Okina even if it's late,” Yu calmly replied.

“And what about Dojima-san’s neighbors, huh?” Adachi went on. “They can still recognize me when we leave the car, y’know. That’s a hell of a risk for Dojima-san.”

“It’ll be dark outside. And I’ll stop the car in front of the house for a while – to block the view until you get inside.”

“Then what if-…”

“Adachi-san,” Yu cut him short, realizing where all the paranoid objections were coming from. “I get that you’re nervous. So are Nanako and uncle, believe me. And yet they really want to meet you.” He paused. “Are you going to let some stress get in the way of the rare opportunity?”

Eyes on the road, Yu couldn’t observe Adachi’s face during the long silence that followed. But the dry, low voice he heard afterwards was enough to disclose the emotions behind it.

“..Rare opportunity for what? For Dojima-san to feel obliged to restore the bond he doesn’t need? For Nanako-chan to have a meal with a murderer? For me to have some of my few decent memories destroyed after I see the looks on their faces?”

“You met uncle a few months ago. Did you see anything disturbing on his face?”

“He was mostly angry and I’m used to his angry,” Adachi replied. “But that was _before_ my pathetic incidents started. So I’ve got no idea what I’d get to see now.”

“I’ve only mentioned vague facts about the incidents, uncle doesn’t know much,” Yu assured him. “And the dinner is his idea, so if he wants to restore something, it’s of his own free will. He’s visibly uncomfortable, too, but he’s putting his own nervousness and risks aside for the sake of this meeting, because he wants to talk to you again.”

Adachi didn’t respond but Yu could feel that he wasn’t convinced.

“And Nanako made you lunches, remember?” Yu added. “She knows everything but still cares. She even defended you back when the town started spreading dirty rumors about you, after you got arrested. Because just like me and uncle she knows that there’s more to you than the charges you have now.”

He didn’t hear a response again and – upon glancing in the mirror – saw Adachi stare in the window with his head pillowed on one of his cuffed hands, elbow propped against the door’s arm rest.

“Do you still not want to go?” Yu asked after what felt like five whole minutes of silence.

Adachi took a couple of more moments with the answer.

“..She’s heard about the dinner thing already?”

“Uncle told me about this plan in her presence.”

“And she.. said something about it?”

“She was excited,” Yu smiled. “A lot, actually. To be honest, even I was surprised.”

He heard a long, slow, and heavy sigh.

“..Anything I need to know about the entire plan to play along around the jailers tomorrow?”

***

Yu neared Dojima’s residence at around 6 that evening and didn’t expect to see the second floor’s lights on. He would have imagined Nanako to have a late rehearsal at school on the day before the concert.

Not wanting to make her come downstairs, Yu used his own key to open the door and enter the house. After slowly taking off his shoes and coat, he headed to what once was his own room.

When he was about to enter it, he heard the door behind him open and turned around.

“Oh, it’s you!” Nanako grinned. “I knew it’s too early for dad to be back. You wanted to talk to him?”

“No, I just..” Yu rubbed his neck, “..thought you might need some help cleaning the house tonight or tomorrow morning, before the dinner. So I’ll stay for the night.”

Yu wasn’t lying about the help he wanted to offer but the main reason why he went back to Dojima’s house was because he could hardly imagine spending an evening back at the rented place. He was almost sure the night would be sleepless there again too. And sleep was something he needed badly.

“You don’t look well,” Nanako ignored his explanation and mirrored Adachi’s words, making Yu wonder just what exactly in his appearance was giving him out this much. “Something happened?”

Smiling, Yu shook his head.

“No, don’t worry. I just need a nap.” The thought suddenly struck him. “..Oh. Sorry, you probably need to rehearse your solo, right?”

“We were told to rest the whole evening before tomorrow, so I’m doing just that,” Nanako shook her head. “Hey, I can make some chamomile tea and bring it to your room now, before you rest. And I’ve bought a set of little Christmas muffins. You want one?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Yu answered with yet another gentle and grateful smile. “Make some tea for yourself too, okay? Let’s have a small party today as well.”

Even more than a nap, he just needed someone’s company to keep him away from his own thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks at the current word count* Now you get what i meant when i said that the sequel had a "different" scope, heh.  
> Sadly, I still can't guarantee any sort of regularity in the updates: life is tough in the european dystopia. Feel free to use the 'sub' option, though, if you'd like automated update notifs. (Which I also post on the dull corner of the web that is my [twitter](https://twitter.com/mabufufu).)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't want to mix different moods, so here's the first chapter that only covers a part of the in-fic day. (As if we haven't been moving super-slowly already, yeah.)

From how Shirazuki wasn’t surprised to see Yu arrive at the center at 4pm, it was clear that he had been notified about the planned procedure by the higher-ups, who Yu had talked to a day ago.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just get that Namatame guy here?” the guard opened Adachi’s cell and was waiting for him to get ready.

“He’s rather busy these days because of his position,” Yu calmly replied. “It’s the only time and place we could arrange the meeting.”

“Yeah, he’s in the town council now, right?” Shirazuki scoffed. “Can’t believe the guy got into politics just _5 years_ after being involved in the kidnapping/murder case. People in Yaso-Inaba are crazy.”

Yu didn’t appreciate the sentiment, yet couldn’t help but relate to the astonishment regarding Namatame's career. When he first heard about it from Dojima a few years ago, he was just as shocked as his uncle was.

Still, he saw justice in this too. The man had truly gone through a lot but continued to fight for his kind-hearted beliefs and principles nevertheless. He earned what he had now.

“If the mistakes are in line with some acceptable standards, some of us really get to start over, I guess,” Adachi shrugged after nearing the exit door of his cell.

Clenching his fists, Yu had to admit that the way life mercilessly berated those, who once lost the struggle, seemed painfully unfair to him.

“So, you’ll get him back here when the night-shift guy’s around, huh?”

“Unless we find a temporary cell in Inaba,” Yu assured the jailer while keeping his eyes on Adachi – who didn’t object, remembering this part of the plan.

“Try searching for a permanent one,” the guard locked the handcuffs on Adachi’s wrists and let Yu get to the next point.

“I’ll also need the handcuffs key today.”

Shirazuki raised an eyebrow.

“Like I said, there’s a possibility that he’ll have to stay at Inaba’s detention center until tomorrow,” Yu reminded.

“He can do it with the handcuffs on just fine,” the jailer shrugged.

Yu’s lips formed a thin line. It was obvious that Shirazuki opposed the idea simply out of spite and appealing to common sense – with the ‘temporary cell’ plan that Yu and Adachi had come up with the day before – was useless.

As he was racking his brain, trying to find a way to convince the stubborn guard, Yu felt his phone vibrate in the back pocket. After getting it out, he saw his uncle’s name on the screen and took the call.

“Step aside for a sec if there’s someone around.”

Slightly confused, Yu asked Shirazuki to wait a little and did as he was told.

“Listening.”

“Namatame’s secretary just canceled today’s meeting because of some unexpected job tasks.”

Yu closed his eyes.

“Not sure if he’s avoiding it or the work _did_ come up,” Dojima followed up immediately, “but he’s not against rescheduling at least. I gave your number to the secretary, so she’ll contact you at a later time.”

“..What’s our current plan?”

Fearing that his uncle would cancel the entire agenda, Yu unconsciously tightened the phone in his hand. But all Dojima did was breathe out a heavy sigh.

“..You get him here first. We’ll discuss the details later.”

“Understood,” relieved, Yu glanced at Shirazuki – and then made a step in the guard’s direction as he cleared his throat. “I actually have some other matters to address here, sir. There seem to be some problems regarding the transfer of responsibilities over basic protocol procedures.”

His jaw set, Shirazuki was staring at Yu with narrowed eyes.

“The handcuffs issue that you mentioned, right?” Dojima exhaled. “I would’ve lectured the guy on the phone myself, as I promised. But with the meeting now officially canceled, I don’t think it’s safe to make it clear that I-…”

“I provided the official documents that state my line of work here right on the first day, yes.”

After such an out-of-line answer, Dojima caught the drift and chuckled.

“I got your game there, smart-ass...”

“I wonder if there are some other papers that I probably should provide to the local authorities,” Yu somewhat stressed the last word, calmly eyeing the guard, “in order to specify my range of responsibilities in more precise terms.”

“..Well, I guess this _is_ a more delicate way of saying “I’ll tell your bosses” than doing it straight to his face…” Dojima muttered on the other end.

“Yes, if possible, I’d like to rule out such absurd situations entirely since they create inconveniences in the job.”

Yu had his level, confident gaze fixed on Shirazuki, who was glowering back at him. After a couple of seconds, the guard ended up twisting his lips and lifting the key in the air.

Content, Yu nodded.

“..I will contact you later if this problem persists, since the current issue seems to be resolved,” Yu drew the line in a steady voice and glanced at Adachi, who was standing just a little aside with his mouth shaping an amused smile. “Thank you for updating me on the situation.”

“Make sure to show up at Inaba’s station first to confirm the meeting’s canceled at the desk.” Dojima warned. “For them to see that you were there, just in case.”

“I will, sir.”

“God, hearing ‘sir’ from you is nuts… All right, see you both soon.”

Yu hung up the call and got his phone back in the pocket.

The next moment Shirazuki literally threw the key at Yu, who reacted just in time to grab it near his face. When he lowered his hand, the guard was already on his way back to the office room.

“Namatame has cancelled the meeting,” Yu informed Adachi in a quiet voice, while following the leaving guard with his eyes.

“Got scared after all, eh?” Adachi snickered but Yu could see his shoulders relax a little.

“Apparently, some business came up,” Yu shook his head. “I’ll need to reschedule this later. But uncle decided to go on with the rest of the plan regardless.”

Adachi smirked.

“And I wondered who you were putting on that show with,” he looked in the direction of the jailer’s room. “Something tells me it didn’t improve your relations with that guy though.”

Yu shrugged.

“Since the initial plan didn’t work, I had to improvise.”

“Some impressive improvisation it was,” Adachi was still smirking. “Although, I told you: I could’ve just tried lockpicking during the drive. Would’ve saved you the trouble.”

“I’ve already reserved that time for another activity,” Yu got his hand in the pocket of his grey coat and fished out his smartphone with earphones.

Adachi blinked.

“..Huh?”

“I’ve recorded Nanako’s concert,” Yu explained and smiled. “She’d be glad if you could say something about it.”

***

“Do I really need this to spend literally _15 seconds_ outside?”

“Yesterday _you_ were worried about being spotted by the neighbors,” Yu reminded with a chuckle. “Some cautiousness indeed won’t hurt since it’s not too dark outside yet.”

Adachi sighed and obediently started to put on Yu’s spare black coat, which he grabbed from the back seat.

“This too,” Yu handed him the grey scarf that had been useful for covering the handcuffs – now hidden in the glovebox – a few days before. “Make it cover the necktie.”

With another heavy sigh, Adachi followed the instructions.

“That’s it, I hope?”

“Yeah,” Yu stretched out an open palm with the door key.

Adachi took it, got out of the car, which was right in front of the Dojimas’ residence, and walked up to the entrance. Once he unlocked the door and – after a momentary pause – disappeared inside the house, Yu parked the car in the garage and got outside as well.

When he slid the door back open, Adachi only had the coat off and, bending over, was unlacing his boots.

“We’re home,” Yu announced as he started to take off his coat as well.

“..Not like it’s a home to me though,” Adachi muttered, finished struggling with the laces.

“It was. You just chose to throw it all away. Idiot.”

Dojima’s voice was calm but Yu saw Adachi – still bent over, with the left shoe in his hand – freeze in place.

A moment later Adachi slowly raised his eyes from the floor and met his former senior partner’s face. Which soon relaxed into a smile as Dojima extended his right hand.

Still shocked, Adachi didn’t move for what felt like about 10 seconds before he finally dropped his eyes and, smiling wryly, grabbed the extended hand with his right, allowing Dojima to help him get up.

“What’s with the face?” Dojima furrowed his brow a little, looking at the week-old scars.

“Ah, this,” Adachi let out a shaky chuckle as he touched his eyebrow, and shrugged. “The logical consequences of staying in the detention center for too long, I guess. The folks there are as tired from me as I am from them, haha.”

Yu watched his uncle press his lips into a thin line but in the end Dojima didn’t find anything to say.

“And who might this young lady be?” to leave the awkward topic alone, Adachi nervously smiled as he tilted his head and peered into the living room.

Nanako, who just finished arranging the plates on the kotatsu, got up and neared the unusually crowded entrance.

“Woah, are you planning to catch up to your dad and big bro in height, Nanako-chan?”

“I’m not _that_ tall, Adachi-san,” with a shy smile, Nanako shook her head. “And.. you’re almost the same as I remember you to be.”

“Well, it would’ve been sad if I shrunk, right?” he snickered. “I must say that was an amazing performance back there! I only watched Yu-kun’s recording, but I could feel just what a powerful experience this was live. You must have practiced a lot for that flute solo!”

Nanako’s eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically.

“Mmhm! Since late September. They usually don’t give solos to first-years, but I worked hard for it.”

“It certainly paid off,” Adachi smiled in return. “And first year of middle-school already? Man, time sure flies here on the outside…”

There was awkward silence between the four of them again and Adachi guiltily ruffled his hair to a twitchy chuckle.

“Oops, sorry, you’ve got yourselves a downer here, hah… But, uh.. I smell some good food!” he intentionally livened up his voice. “What’s on the menu?”

“Hot pot!” Nanako grinned and rushed into the kitchen area. “I gathered all the best stuff for it. Dad, have you found the extension cord for the gas stove?”

“I don’t need to “find” it, I _know_ where it is,” Dojima replied and then addressed Yu while gesturing to the fridge. “Don’t forget to get that stuff you bought in the morning.”

When his uncle headed upstairs, Yu neared the fridge. A few seconds later he returned with two 0.3 cans of beer in his hands.

“Hey-hey, aren’t you driving?” Adachi’s brows flew up.

“I am,” Yu confirmed with a smile. “Uncle and you aren’t.”

For a couple of moments he could enjoy the surprise on Adachi’s face and then watched a smirk surface on the thin lips.

“Dojima-san’s more of a sake guy though, remember?”

“Yeah,” Yu chuckled. “But he agreed to keep you a humble company today.”

***

“..-And then someone told her who my dad is, and she left that girl alone. I didn’t even get the chance to explain her why I thought she was wrong or ask her why she was bullying that other girl,” slightly pouting, Nanako lowered her eyes to her plate.

“Welp, having a chief officer of the local police station as a father sure sounds like a challenge,” Adachi chuckled. After taking a sip of tea from the old white-and-red mug, he put it down next to the empty beer can.

“You should see the way her homeroom teacher's been doing everything possible to avoid eye contact with me on every parent meeting since I got the promotion in June,” Dojima sighed. “People’s reactions are getting ridiculous. Do they think I can arrest anyone I personally don’t like or something?”

“Were it about Nanako-chan, I’m sure you’d write an arrest warrant on a sticky note and send whomever behind bars in a second,” Adachi smiled mischievously.

Dojima laughed and addressed his daughter a proud look.

“She’s able to stand up to anyone and deal with everything on her own, though.”

“If not for your job, dealing with this ‘everything’ would've been easier,” Nanako pouted again.

“Like with that second-year girl, who backed out on her own in the end?” Adachi shrugged. “Dunno, I think it saved you some energy. It’s not your responsibility to sort out other people’s mess and get behind some bully’s reasons for what they were doing.”

“Yeah, but..” Nanako slightly knitted her brow, “I just think she had some problems of her own that made her do something like that. So I wanted to understand her and help, if I could.”

Cracking a smile, Adachi turned to Yu, who was sitting to his left.

“How often exactly do you two get in touch?”

“A few times a month, I think?” Yu glanced right across the table – at Nanako, who nodded in approval – and then raised an eyebrow at Adachi, wondering where the question came from. “Why?”

“ ‘Why?’ you ask?” Adachi chuckled weakly and shook his head with his eyes half-closed. “ ’Cause Nanako-chan’s thoughts here are strangely reminiscent of those a certain law student here has.”

“I think like big bro?!” Nanako’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah. This kind of selfless caring is right up his alley.”

“Might as well be in the blood,” Dojima noted.

Adachi opened his mouth, as if about to contradict, but then slowly lowered his eyes to his mug. His lips curled up, forming yet another rueful smile.

“..Yeah, might be that.”

In the lingering silence, Nanako furrowed her brow again, confused.

“But what’s wrong with.. this kind of thoughts?”

“I didn’t say they’re wrong, it’s just.. uh… ” Adachi ruffled his hair before letting out a sigh, “..troublesome for you to put effort in this sort of things.”

“It’s not troublesome,” Nanako shook her head, beating Yu to a confident objection.

“It may not seem like that from the start,” Adachi caved in, “but when you get involved with someone, who’s got some heavy baggage of problems, it can really turn into a huge pain to-…”

“You know what’s a _real_ pain, Adachi?” Dojima interfered, giving his guest an almost irritated look. “Having someone decide things for you and disrespect the choices you make on your own.” He paused, letting the words sink in. “Being shut out despite your will – that’s the only goddamn troublesome part.”

His eyebrows lifted in surprise, Adachi didn’t react for a few moments.

“I agree with uncle,” Yu joined in. “People have the right to choose what they want to get involved with for themselves, Adachi-san. As long as the other person’s fine with it, it’s not for them to define if they’re “troublesome” to deal with or not.”

“You’re.. not discussing my situation right now, are you?” Nanako asked with a puzzled look, unable to understand why the talk got so heated all of a sudden.

“..They aren’t,” Adachi answered for them both, his eyes on the table and mouth shaping a smile again – still a weak one but more abashed than sad this time. A moment later he looked at Nanako. “They do make it clear that they’d support your decision to help that girl, though.”

“Really?” Nanako shifted her almost sparkling gaze to Yu and grinned after seeing him nod in approval.

“Just ask for help if you need it,” Dojima added. “Kids’ problems are almost always their parents’ problems. And it’s the job for the adults to handle those, not for you or that girl.”

Nanako lowered her chin.

“I know that,” she grinned again. “Thanks.”

“Not so bad to have a dad in police after all, huh?” Adachi snickered and took another sip of tea.

“Not as good as having a friend in Public Safety.” Dojima taunted him in reply.

With a dry chuckle, Yu was already prepared to hear Adachi refuse the ‘friend’ term like he usually did. But instead of a retort, he got the sensation of a hand digging in the hair on the back of his head. Which was so unexpected it almost gave him a start.

He turned to the right and faced a mischievous smile on Adachi’s lips, the fingers of his left hand rumpling the short grey hair.

“Yeah. Not as good as that.”

Despite this being not the first occasion, Yu's mind was empty of all possible reaction lines yet again. He was simply staring at Adachi’s smile while desperately trying to calm down the slight rush of his own pulse.

“I hope that no one from Okina or his department learns about his rented place, though,” Dojima sighed as he took up a few small meat pieces remaining in the pot. “Even some hints at personal connections are never good for the case.”

“Huh?” confused, Adachi shifted his gaze to Dojima and finally lowered his left hand. “What place do you mean?”

Yu bit his lip and dropped his eyes. With all the arrangements, he had completely forgotten about the one thing he’d been keeping Adachi and the Dojimas on different pages about.

“The apartment that you used to rent and that Yu’s renting now,” Dojima replied, arching an eyebrow. “You do know about it, right?”

Eyes on the table surface, Yu couldn’t make himself look up and see Adachi’s expression. He knew that the situation would get awkward in a matter of seconds, with Adachi in shock from the mere fact he just learned, and Dojima – in confusion from Yu keeping this a secret for some reason. Saying that he just forgot to mention this was Yu’s only option, but he knew it would still leave an unpleasant and confusing impression on everyone.

“..Ah, that,” Adachi chuckled. “Yeah, Yu-kun told me about it 5 days ago, when he moved in it.”

Baffled, Yu immediately raised his eyes back to Adachi, who suddenly covered for him. But the man was still looking at and talking to Dojima.

“The cat’s out of the bag anyway since one of the guards in the center knows about all the correspondence stuff.”

“Is it the one, who was refusing to give the key?”

“Yup.”

Dojima sighed and shook his head, but didn’t comment.

“You’re reading too much into this, Dojima-san,” Adachi calmed him down. “If anyone on the force were willing to put in extra efforts and go so far as looking into the history of Yu-kun’s places of residence, police wouldn’t have been buried under hundreds of cold cases every year,” he snickered. “Besides, it’s just the best place you can rent in this town. And it’s not too far from the train station, so it’s con-...”

Adachi’s words were cut off by a ringing sound of the cellphone. With a click of his tongue, Dojima got the phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen.

“It’s probably regarding the end-of-the-year briefing next week,” he said after getting up to his feet. “Shouldn’t take long.”

Once he took the call and headed to the kitchen area, Nanako let out a sigh.

“That’s just how most of our rare late dinners go. He gets a call and even though I always try eating as slowly as I can, he only hangs up when I’m done...”

“Having company for a meal is never a bad thing, so if your big bro were around it would’ve been better, huh…” Adachi rubbed his neck. “Sorry. Should’ve stopped Yu-kun’s train of thoughts back when he brought up that whole thing about moving out.”

“Uh-uh,” Nanako laughed softly and looked at Yu. “If big bro’s set on something, then it’s important to him. And he won’t change his mind, no matter what anyone says.”

Adachi shook his head.

“I doubt that some house can mean as much to him as you do, though."

“ _Yours_ can,” Nanako smiled, forcing Yu to shift his eyes to his plate again. “But he still visits us here. So it’s fine.”

The surprised pause was completely understandable.

“Wow, dad, that was fast!” Nanako watched her father head back to the table and her eyebrows flew up in surprise. “Faster than any of the dinner calls you've ever had.”

“It was nothing that can’t be discussed in the office tomorrow, so I said just that,” Dojima replied, slightly irritated, as he sat down again. “I took a first full day off since the start of December and I’ve got the right to enjoy it.”

Adachi’s mouth shaped a sly grin.

“I’ve got the feeling that working with you now would’ve been a lot more fun, sir.”

“If you slacked off on the duty now like you did back then, I would’ve just had the full right to fire you personally,” Dojima laughed and then turned to his daughter. “I just put on the kettle there, can you make me another coffee?”

When Nanako got up and headed into the kitchen area, Dojima looked at Yu and lowered his voice.

“Speaking of duty. You’ll be all right reporting.. today’s time out of the center?”

“Reporting as in to Okina’s jail?” Adachi beat Yu to it and chuckled. “Trust me, they don’t care about anything related to me or my case in the least.”

“I highly doubt they would follow up on the planned meeting by contacting me, even more so – Inaba, when it’s not even their staff on the case,” Yu added. “But if they do, I’ll handle this without involving you in any way.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Dojima sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “It just.. doesn’t feel right to introduce you to this line of the job by dragging you into situations like this...”

“You couldn’t have known that Namatame would cancel the meeting,” Yu shook his head. “And it’s not like I'm breaking the protocol. This is still a ‘supervised parole session’.”

“Plus, he’s not planning to stay an investigator for too long and adaptive thinking is actually a good skill for a legal worker,” Adachi noted.

Dojima muttered “ ’adaptive thinking’, huh”, clearly not appreciating the euphemism, but agreed to abandon the topic when Nanako got back to the table with a new mug of coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the [amazing diorama](https://twitter.com/tinycpr/status/1302365408003940352) of Adachi's cell that @tinycpr aka aishiteita made~ ❤


	12. Chapter 12

“The car’s right outside,” Yu said after returning into the hallway, where everyone else was gathered.

Adachi, who just laced up his boots and straightened his back, saw Nanako holding out a plastic bag with some leftovers and immediately started waving his hands.

“No-no-no, Nanako-chan, I don’t think I’ll want any late snacks today, not after such a good dinner. Thanks, though.”

“You can have them tomorrow then,” Nanako insisted.

With a wry chuckle, Adachi shook his head.

“..It’s not like I have a fridge in there to keep it fresh, y’know.”

Seeing Nanako guiltily press her lips together and drop her eyes, Yu reached for the plastic bag in her hands.

“I’ll keep it in mine and will bring it to Adachi-san when I visit him,” he smiled. “All right?”

“Yeah,” Nanako nodded, absolutely content with the solution.

“I’ll be finding the time to visit, too.” Dojima offered Adachi his right hand for a handshake. Then he narrowed his eyes. “And don’t you ever tell me to stop doing it _again_. Got it?”

“Or else you _will_ stop visiting me?” Adachi smirked and, seeing Dojima’s dour expression, let out a laugh. “Got it, sir, got it! Thanks for inviting me here. Till next time in the visiting room then.”

After shaking Dojima’s hand, Adachi looked at Nanako again and flashed a warm smile at her.

“Thanks again, Nanako-chan. The dinner was the most delicious one I’ve ever had. And it’s not surprising but still good to see that you’re growing to be a sweet and kind girl of so many talents.” His eyes wandered over the room behind Nanako’s back. “And it was.. nice to spend some time here again, too.”

Nanako smiled weakly and then lowered her gaze.

“Thanks, Adachi-san. I really hope that things will get more.. comfortable for you soon. Somehow.”

Yu balled his hands into fists at the line and heard Adachi let out a soft, shaky laugh.

“People like me don’t deserve comfort anymore, Nanako-chan,” he said after dropping his eyes too. “So just.. don’t worry about me, okay?”

Nanako couldn’t bring herself to answer and the heavy silence lingered.

“Well, uh.. we’d better get going now, so.. good night!” with a put-on cheery voice, Adachi said his awkward goodbye, slid the front door open, and stepped outside.

“..I’ll close the garage door myself,” Dojima said after a sigh. “Drive safe, okay?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Yu lifted his free hand in a goodbye gesture to his troubled uncle and visibly upset Nanako.

A few seconds later he left the house and neared the car, where Adachi already occupied the passenger seat and was busy taking the black coat off.

Once he got behind the wheel, Yu decided against switching the lights – just in case they would accidentally drive by someone on their way from Inaba. He just silently put the plastic bag and his coat on the backseat, then started the car, and drove off.

Ending up alone with Adachi again made Yu somewhat nervously recall the things they had discussed at the table. He had no idea what conclusions Adachi made in his head after what he had heard and couldn’t help but feel anxious about learning these conclusions any moment soon.

In about a minute, when Adachi put the borrowed grey scarf on the seat behind himself and rubbed his neck, signaling the intention to speak, Yu unconsciously tensed up.

“Guess I should be thanking you as well, for taking the risks and organizing this evening.”

Surprised at such a neutral start, Yu didn’t say anything for almost a dozen seconds before he quietly exhaled, relaxing.

“We all enjoyed it,” he smiled while keeping his eyes on the road. “So the risks were definitely worth it.”

“Yeah,” Adachi let out a somewhat dry laugh. “The three of you sure had better ways of having fun on Christmas, but I appreciate the collective sacrifice.”

Yu slightly furrowed his brow and glanced to the left.

“No one ‘sacrificed’ anything. We all wanted to-…”

“Give me some temporary comfort,” Adachi finished for him. “I know. That selfless care may indeed be some kind of a gene you all have.”

“We were just glad to spend some time with you,” Yu corrected him.

“And that same gene is what makes you pay me visits and organize the daily road trips,” Adachi went on, ignoring the correction. “But I think it’s high time for you to refocus on your own life instead. You don’t have to do any more than you’ve already been doing, y’know.”

“I know I don’t have to,” Yu answered, tightening his grip on the wheel. “I simply _want_ to.”

He felt Adachi’s gaze fix on him.

“You do realize that – hopefully – you won’t even _have the_ _chance_ to do it soon, right?”

“That’s exactly why I’m doing it _now_.”

“You’re spending time getting me used to the comfort that _isn’t real_ ,” Adachi’s voice was clearly dismayed at that point. “It’s all a lie and an illusion. And I’ve had enough of them in my life already.”

Yu pressed his lips tight in frustration. It was already obvious to him that Adachi – consciously or not – took up some sort of “offensive defense” after leaving Dojima’s home – a place, where he was once again reminded about everything that he had lost for good.

The realization that his attempt to make some new good memories only caused more pain in the end made Yu feel almost miserable.

“..You deserve this comfort,” he muttered, clenching his hands on the wheel. “You made mistakes and did wrong things, but-…”

“Don’t even go there,” Adachi stopped him short. “I’ve long accepted everything, so don’t you make me dwell on this now.”

Yu bit his lower lip and didn’t find the right words to reply with.

“Also, Dojima-san was right – closely associating with me isn’t a good idea,” Adachi got back to the issue. “Not for the case even, but for you and your career. So we’d better keep some of that "professional" distance you yourself were mentioning.”

“I wasn't talking about distance. I meant keeping a business-like attitude in public to avoid any needless interference,” Yu clarified. “I don’t care what other people think about my ‘association’ with you.”

“Well, you _should_ , though. Because if some people do learn about the apartment stuff, they won’t have nice thoughts about it.”

There was a 5 streetlamp-long tensed silence before Yu forced himself to vocalize his question.

“You aren’t going to ask me why I didn’t tell you about it?”

“You aren’t obliged to report everything to me in the first place,” Adachi shrugged. “And before you wonder: I just didn’t want to ruin the mood. That’s why I pretended to know about it.”

Pressing his lips together, Yu was unsure how to react. The feeling of Adachi putting up a wall between them was unpleasantly familiar and just like many times before he had no idea how to break through it.

"..Although, the fact _did_ kinda catch me off guard at the start,” Adachi snickered wryly. “So don’t worry. Your patient waiting for 5 whole days paid off.”

Frowning, Yu threw a glance to the left again.

“..What?”

The phrase didn’t seem to make any sense to him at all.

“C’mon, I do realize that it’s all ‘cause of my stupid joke back then. When I said that you wouldn’t handle living in that place,” Adachi let out a bitter chuckle. “And actually _renting_ _it_ until making sure I learn the fact myself is a real flashy payback.”

In a split second, Yu steered the car to the side and pushed on the brakes, roughly pulling over.

Feeling a shocked stare from Adachi, who probably regretted not buckling up, Yu was tightly gripping the wheel and biting his lip hard.

“Kid, what the hell was-…”

“Is _this_ how you see it?” Yu turned his head to the left and peered into Adachi’s face through the dim light of a streetlamp and the car’s headlights outside.

“See what?”

“The fact that I live at your place,” Yu answered, having completely forgotten how uncomfortable the issue had been to him just a few minutes ago. “You think that it’s some out-of-spite move because of something you said and that I purposefully waited until you learn about it just to prove a point?”

“Well, what else can it be other than this?” Adachi raised an eyebrow in genuine confusion.

Yu knew that Adachi’s habit of distorting his reasoning was something he must’ve already gotten used to over the years – yet it scorched him every time. It was almost as if the man simply refused to get his hopes up and kept those as low as possible, perceiving everything in a much darker light and preventing any kind of disappointment.

Staggered to hear Adachi’s absurd view of the situation, Yu closed his eyes and heaved a deep sigh.

“..Just what do I need to do so that you could stop seeing only the worst in all my motives and actions…” he asked in a quiet, tired voice.

“Huh?” Adachi still sounded confused and Yu opened his eyes to face him again.

“You seriously believe I’m capable of doing something like what you’ve just said?”

“Relax, I’m not offended or anything,” Adachi shrugged, stubbornly ignoring all the hints and set on his own warped vision. “It’s my fault for implying that the stupid incident from 5 years ago should’ve somehow stuck with you and that you’re not over the whole stuff, so that was a well-deserved-...”

“I’m not over it.”

The complete silence that immediately followed his remark made Yu’s ears ring.

He took a deep, quiet breath, switched on the lights in the car – and, once his eyes adjusted, turned his head to the left, to look dumbfounded Adachi in the eye.

“I’m not over you, Adachi-san.”

After seeing the thin eyebrows lift and dark eyes open wide in shock, Yu slowly averted his gaze.

He knew how sudden confessions felt like all too well.

Yu already regretted his own words, because he was well aware that they wouldn’t get him anywhere. But he had to admit that with all the tension building up inside of him for the past few days and with Adachi now unconsciously distorting the situation and attempting to shut him out yet again, the impulse to reveal the truth was only natural.

They both didn’t utter a word for a couple of minutes.

“..You said you were, when I asked you about this in the infirmary,” Adachi reminded, noticeably confused.

Yu closed his eyes.

“I wasn’t completely sure.”

“What makes you so sure _now_ then?”

Pressing his lips together, Yu had to accept the fact that he couldn’t share the details.

“I mean, c’mon,” Adachi let out a shaky laugh. “It’s been full 5 years! No crush can possibly survive this long. And especially not some one-sided, teen crush on an older guy, who has no future. It’s just ridiculous!”

“..You’re seriously calling the feelings someone holds on to for 5 years a mere ‘crush’?” Yu asked with a low chuckle.

“I’m not calling it anything else, ‘cause I don’t even believe in the thing you’re implying here in the first place,” Adachi flatly replied. “The whole idea is just nuts. You’re either joking or are confused as hell yourself.”

“I’m not joking,” Yu shook his head. “And I wouldn’t be saying this if I weren’t sure. That’s why I said ‘no’ a week ago.”

“And just a week later it’s somehow a confident ‘yes’, huh?”

Yu hadn’t had the time to form any expectations of Adachi’s reaction, but what he was hearing certainly wasn’t something he would have ever hoped for.

“I moved into your place because I intended to deal with all this on my own,” he explained after a sigh. “I know you never felt the same, so I wanted to confront my emotions and make peace with their futility.” He clenched the fingers on the wheel. “..But I’m not sure it’s working the way I hoped it would.”

He was listening to the heavy silence in return for a dozen seconds. Until Adachi brought up another point.

“..Wait a sec. What about your date in the city?”

Before he replied, Yu leaned back in the seat and looked ahead, in the windscreen.

“I thought that telling you I have one would make it easier for me not to succumb to everything all over again,” he said. “So I lied. I don’t have anyone.”

The next pause was even longer than the previous one.

“Kid,” this time the voice sounded almost anxious, “in these 5 years, have you had _at least one_ more or less lasting and meaningful relationship with someone?”

Looking back on the three dates he had during his first years back in the city, Yu could hardly describe any of those relationships with the words Adachi just used. He simply didn’t have the heart to reject the confessions he got and tried to give them a shot. But things never worked out, and in the end, Yu decided that by letting himself make new attempts he would hurt people more that an outright rejection would. So he distanced himself from the concept of such relationships entirely, delving into his work and studies instead.

“No,” Yu replied. “I gave it a try a couple of times, but.. nothing felt right.”

“But what about that Junes kid mentioning “not standing a chance” against someone?”

“Against you,” he exhaled. “Yosuke knew how I felt for you, even though I never told him a thing.”

His own situation in general reminded Yu of Yosuke’s more and more with every second, and he couldn’t even argue that this hurtful irony was a well-deserved punishment. In the end, he and Yosuke were indeed victims of the past; one significantly more helpless and unable to let go than the other.

Out of the corner of his eye, Yu watched Adachi throw the back of his head to the seat and, covering his face with the left palm, fetch a heavy, troubled sigh.

“..Hell, I seriously messed up your life, didn’t I?”

Confused, Yu wasn’t even sure how to respond.

“I used to fear something like this could happen, because you were in that.. sensitive age. But I somehow thought you were strong-willed enough to move past all the stuff without any serious damage.” Adachi sighed again and lowered his voice. “…Not that the strength of will can help with everything, now that I think about it…”

Yu was still unable to reply and the dizziness overwhelming him didn’t help much.

“Can we talk outside?” he muttered as he grabbed his coat and opened the car door, desperate for some freezing and refreshing winter air.

He heard a new sigh and then – a click of the door on the other side.

“Yeah. Sure.”

After they both got out of the car, Yu threw his coat on the shoulders, as the dust of light snow began sprinkling them. Adachi, who slowly walked around the car while putting Yu’s spare black coat on, soon leaned against the back door beside Yu.

The car wasn’t too far away from the streetlamp, so they could clearly see each other’s faces. Yu wasn’t sure if it was for better or worse.

“Not gonna have a smoke?” Adachi asked after a few moments of silence.

Stunned, Yu turned his head to the right.

“Oh, please,” Adachi cracked a sad smile, a cloud of condensed breath drifting away from his face, “you reeked of tobacco when you got back from that coffee stall in the park. Sure I know about it.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

Adachi shrugged.

“Didn’t think it was my business. And it felt kinda stupid to ask you why you were doing something to relieve stress when it was me, who caused it.” He looked straight ahead. “Back then I thought it was the whole detailed case stuff that got to you, but.. now I guess it wasn’t only that.”

Yu faced forward as well, staring into the dark horizon above the field. As he didn’t need to hide his situational habit – which he was somewhat ashamed of – from Adachi anymore, he got the cigarette pack and a lighter out of his coat pocket and soon brought a lit-up cigarette to his lips, making a slow deep drag.

“I did mean what I said in the park there,” Adachi added after a short pause. “Getting you involved in that kind of mess isn’t something I’m proud of.”

“You didn’t ‘get me involved’ on your own,” Yu contradicted as he breathed out a cloud of smoke. “I agreed to it myself.”

“I’d say you simply had a very vague idea of what you were “agreeing” to.”

Yu gave out a weak laugh.

“You make it sound as if I were just a silly child five years ago or we had something serious.”

“Well, it certainly was enough to mess you up in the end,” Adachi noted. “You heard of the Stockholm syndrome stuff, right?”

Yu closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh.

“Adachi-san. This isn’t about-…”

“I’m not saying you fit into the classic example,” Adachi followed up. “The situation’s a tad different, but the essence of your emotional reactions is the same.”

“It’s not ‘a tad’, but ‘a lot’ different,” Yu decisively contradicted. “My feelings for you had appeared long before any of the risky circumstances arose. And I never saw them as a threat anyway.”

“Seriously?” Adachi failed to stifle a mirthless laugh. “Not even when I put a gun to your head?”

“Not even then,” Yu slowly took another drag, “because I trusted you.”

He felt a dumbfounded gaze from the right but they both didn’t say a word for a while.

“With that comparison, are you trying to say that what I feel isn’t real, again?” Yu asked after some time of silence and heard a sigh in response.

“Not necessarily ‘isn’t real’, but it’s definitely not what you think it is, Yu-kun. It _can’t_ be what you think it is.”

“Simply because you don’t believe in it, right?” Yu let out a puff along with a soft chuckle. “What is it then?”

“Lack of closure, plain and simple,” Adachi shrugged. “It’s like clinical nostalgia, y’know – you can’t stop clinging to the emotions of the long-gone days. You strive for something that seemed good in the past without realizing that you don’t really want or need it anymore and that it’s not really worth it. Your mind’s just playing a trick on you.”

“I used to think in a similar way until I got back here,” Yu admitted. “I hoped that meeting you again would be completely different from 2011. That I’ll see you as just one of my friends this time.” He brought the cigarette to his lips and soon sharply breathed out. “But slowly I realized that all those feelings were getting back to me. And they became even more.. intense than they had been back then.”

He looked in the dark sky above.

“..And I just have no idea how to deal with them.”

They both were silent for another minute. Then Yu heard a sigh and saw Adachi shift weight from one foot to the other.

“Can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but..” Adachi rubbed his neck. “I guess we can try arranging a one-night stand or something?”

Yu’s right hand, which he held his cigarette in, froze in midair as he was bringing it to his lips again.

Breath stuck in his throat, he slowly turned his head to the right, letting Adachi see the absolute shock on his face.

“I mean, that’d be the only logical closure to your past longing, right?” Adachi shrugged. “We can sort this out like adults. You’d just see that it’s some really mediocre experience and nothing as ‘special’ as your memory or imagination are probably trying to show you. Then you will stop chasing after nothing and move on with your life at last.”

Yu shut his eyes and took the last deep drag before letting the cigarette drop down on the ground.

“You’re basing yourself on the assumption that what I feel is just lust,” he exhaled. “It’s not.”

“Well, it’s still a part, isn’t it?” Adachi chuckled weakly. “Otherwise you’d have no problem seeing me as a friend.”

Pressing his lips together, Yu shoved his hands in the pants pockets.

“Only a part, and satisfying this lust isn’t going to solve anything for me. It’s all more complicated than that,” he said while shaking his head “And I don’t want you to force yourself into something you don’t want.”

“Ruining your life is what I want even less, y’know,” Adachi replied. “You’re here to help me get out of my goddamn limbo, and I just wish I knew how to drag you out of yours. It’s my fault you’re in it to begin with.”

“My feelings for you have always been my own choice,” Yu repeated. “You’re not at fault or responsible for them.”

“Well, why can’t you make a choice to _move on_ from them then?” Adachi retorted. “It’s really high time you did it, ‘cause 5 years of being stuck on a guy like me? Seriously? Hell, I even get why that Hanamura kid wanted to crush me into dust – if I were him, I’d probably hate my guts too.”

Yu slowly shook his head again.

“Please, leave Yosuke out of this conversation. He wishes me well, but just as we talked about it with you, other people can’t know what I want out of my life.”

“You want to be stuck with the delusional feelings for an unstable loser behind bars, right?”

“..You sound just like Yosuke now,” Yu breathed out a tired sigh, massaging his left temple with his hand.

“He did have a point yet again then,” Adachi pressed on. “Really now. I know I screwed up bad, but do you even _try_ to fight all this or do you just enjoy suffering?”

“I _tried_!” his voice firm, Yu swiftly turned his head to face Adachi and creased his brow. “I tried building a relationship. I tried focusing on studies and work. I even consciously avoided all visits to you or Inaba for 5 years – no matter how much I wanted to come back and see you – because I feared exactly _this_ sort of a relapse. _”_

In a few still seconds, Yu curled up his fists and lowered his voice.

“..But it still got the best of me in the end. Despite all the efforts I put into struggling over the years…”

He watched Adachi’s lips slowly shape a pitiful smile and dropped his eyes, gritting his teeth tight in desperation: he knew that his words were taken for some joke once again.

A moment later he felt a slight pat on his right shoulder.

“The way you talk about your devotion is almost cute, Yu-kun, y’know?” the voice was nearly tender, making everything inside Yu clench. “I’m kinda flattered even. But you’re just confusing things here and naively taking some basic impulses, which you never had a chance to move on from, for some illusionary thing that doesn’t even exist in this world. That’s all.”

Silently biting his lower lip, Yu was staring at his feet, the sensation of a hand on his shoulder overwhelming him.

“..Are you serious about your offer?” he heard himself mutter at last, eyes still on the ground.

He reckoned a few silent seconds.

“I am.”

Taking a slow, deep breath of cold winter air, Yu closed his eyes.

After he opened and raised them, he pushed away from the car and motioned Adachi to the door on the other side.

“I’ll make a call to Okina, telling them that you’ll stay at Inaba’s detention center for the night. Can you look for a motel on the navigator in the meantime?”

Adachi’s eyebrows shot up in surprise – he certainly didn’t expect such haste in fulfilling the plan he had suggested himself.

But in just a few moments he simply nodded and headed to the opposite side of the car.

“Yeah. Got it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad cliffhanger, I know, sorry ._.


	13. Chapter 13

The closest motel turned out to be in a 15-minute-long drive along a side road. During those 15 minutes, neither of the two even tried to break the awkward silence, perfectly knowing that whatever they try to talk about at this moment would be even more awkward.

After parking the car on the mostly empty parking lot of a small and modest-looking 2-storey building, Yu turned off the headlights and took his coat from the back seat.

“I’ll be back when I get the room keys,” he muttered and, to the sound of a “mhmm” in response, got out of the car, heading for a tiny separate registration building to the right of the motel.

Judging by the old-fashioned registration list he was given, the motel was as empty as the parking lot. Yu believed it was due to the motel's unpopular location and festive time combined but could hardly complain.

Upon filling in the registration lines, he handed both the list and cash to the sleepy elderly owner.

“Enjoy the stay with your girl,” the owner chuckled as he put the keys on the counter.

Yu barely managed to force a smile before silently taking the keys to a double room on the second floor and walking out.

Once he came up back to the car, Adachi opened the door and got outside on his own. Yu locked the doors and started walking in the direction of the building entrance, hearing the slow-paced steps right behind himself.

They were silent again, but it was a different kind of silence – the one that both already knew they needed to break yet had no idea how.

“By the way,” surprisingly, Adachi was the one to make an attempt at speaking while they were going up the stairs to the second floor, “I know I’ve said “like adults”, but just for the record of my randomly activating conscience here – how old are you precisely?”

The nonchalance in Adachi’s voice was almost staggering and Yu could only hope that he himself looked just as composed on the outside.

“Still eleven years younger than you,” he exhaled, and heard a snicker behind his back.

“I stopped counting my years at twenty-nine.”

Yu neared the room door that had the same number as the key-chain in his hand.

“Twenty-two,” he replied as he turned the key in the lock and opened the door.

“Wow, that makes it just seven now? You’re catching up!”

Adachi was obviously using his on-brand humor to ease the mood, but for some reason it only made Yu feel more tensed.

After switching on the lights and locking the door from the inside, Yu toed off his shoes and proceeded into the small room. He took off his grey coat and drew the window curtains, while Adachi, who already finished with his boots, decided to look around and started with the bathroom door near the entrance.

“Hey, that’s some nice place,” Adachi looked inside the bathroom and chuckled. “Did you ask for the best room in here or something?”

Yu didn’t reply and soon heard the water running out of the faucet, as Adachi was apparently exploring the bathroom further. The sound ceased in just a few moments and was followed by a quiet thump of a closed bathroom door.

Expecting Adachi to approach him next, Yu turned around – only to watch the dark eyes wander over the room instead. In half a minute, Adachi slowly neared a wide bed, switched one of the two nightstand lamps on, and started to take the bed covers off, rolling them to the left side.

Using the moment, Yu made a few steps back to the entrance to put his coat on the hanger next to the black one he’d lent Adachi. Then he turned off the lamps on the ceiling and let the small room submerge in the cozy dim light coming from the nightstand.

When he returned to the room, Adachi was already finished with the humble preparations and stood near the bed with one hand on his tie.

“So, how do you want it?” he tilted his head quizzically while loosening the necktie and undoing the top buttons of his shirt. “Rough? Gentle?”

Feeling breath catch in his throat from these words alone, Yu just stared at the slightly wet hair on Adachi’s forehead, which he apparently splashed with water in the bathroom a few minutes ago.

“Real,” he answered, calmly holding Adachi’s gaze and curling up his fingers.

“Huh?” Adachi raised one eyebrow. “You mean, as if I actually had a thing for you?”

A dull ache in his chest, Yu pressed his lips together.

“Yes. As if you did.”

Adachi took his time contemplating the request. The moment Yu was already going to retrieve it – he still didn’t want it any other way, but knew that asking someone to fake their feelings was too much – he finally got a reply.

“Alright,” Adachi suddenly agreed and nodded towards the right side of the bed. “I guess I can try pulling that off once.”

Startled, Yu didn’t move for about 10 more seconds before making a couple slow steps to the bed and sitting down on its edge. While he was taking his gloves off, he watched two knees land on the sheet to the left and right of him and raised his head the moment the cold fingers caressed the back of his head, digging in his hair.

“Speak up as soon as it gets too boring or cringey for you, ok?”

Gazing slightly up into the dark eyes, Yu put his gloves on the bed and didn’t reply. The main reason he had agreed to the offer was because he had already given up on trying to explain himself with words, which always ended up getting warped or not taken seriously anyway. All he had left was to hope that he could show and prove the worth of his words in action. Like he had done once before.

A few rapid heartbeats later, the hand in his hair slightly tugged at the shorter strands, pulling his head somewhat back – and Yu closed his eyes, surrendering to all the eagerly anticipated sensations. In a mere second, he felt Adachi’s left hand on his vest, fingers starting to undo the buttons on it from top to bottom, and carefully raised his own right hand from the bed sheet. After placing the palm on the black fabric of Adachi’s left knee, Yu slowly slid it up the leg and rested on the thigh.

The fingers on his vest froze in an instant, forcing Yu to open his eyes and peer into the hardly readable expression above.

“Something wrong?” he asked in a low voice, brow slightly furrowed and hand still on the other man’s hip.

Adachi took a few moments before giving an indifferent shrug of his shoulders.

“..No. Nothing.”

Yu was still mildly confused, but once Adachi tugged at his hair again – rougher this time – he shut his eyes to his own ragged sigh and let all the questions quickly vanish from his mind. Latching onto any sort of disturbing thoughts – or any thoughts at all, for that matter – was what he wanted and needed least at the moment.

Finished with the last button, Adachi’s hand moved up to Yu’s right shoulder and slid the vest down his arm. To help take the stifling layer of clothes off, Yu released the grip of his right hand and lifted the left one from the sheet.

Right after shuffling the vest off to the bed, Yu stretched out his left arm to clench the jacket on Adachi’s back and returned the right hand on the thigh, digging his fingers deep in the black pants this time. In response, the knees on either side of him pressed tighter against his hips, causing a shivering wave from the electrifying proximity all over Yu’s body and making him draw his lower lip between the teeth.

His mind was still in part in disbelief that all this was actually, really happening.

When Adachi slightly bent over to his right temple, Yu could feel warm breath scorch his right ear before he got a playful bite on its top. Unable to hold in a low grunt, he moved his right hand closer to the inner side of Adachi’s thigh and pulled the jacket down with the fingers of the other hand, trying to tug it off.

Not opposing the silent suggestion, Adachi leaned away for a couple of moments only to swiftly take off the jacket and let it drop on the floor. After that, he buried the fingers of his right hand back in the grey hair, tilting the head forward this time, and placed his other hand on Yu’s purple shirt, just below the right shoulder.

His breath heavy against Adachi’s neck, Yu put his open palm on the white shirt on the back and, sensing the teasing warmth through the thin fabric, felt the urge to touch the slightly damp, hot skin underneath. Yet just as he started to carefully get the shirt from under the belt, Adachi bent over his left ear and squeezed the top of it with his teeth – harder than the right one a few minutes ago. Clenching the white fabric in his fingers, Yu waited until Adachi straightened his back and then, against his better judgment, leaned in to hungrily bite the bare skin on the clavicle in return.

He knew that Adachi was just putting on a convincing act, yet simply couldn’t help but get carried away by everything. Not with the uncontrollable emotions that every touch he made and received sparked in him.

In just a second, Yu felt the full-body weight press down on his lap and, after opening his eyes, saw Adachi’s face right in front and just a few inches away from his own. He swallowed hard at the mesmerizing sight of the dark glazy eyes and dry, slightly parted lips, and anxiously followed the sensation of Adachi’s hand sliding from the back of his neck down to the left shoulder, chest, and abdomen.

As the fingers moved past his belt, Yu made a sharp intake of air – and, still looking right in the dark eyes, let out a raspy moan when the palm laid down on the zipper of his pants. Breathless and shivering all over, Yu dug the fingers of his both hands into the black and white fabrics and unconsciously thrust in for the touch.

The palm on his right arm moved up to his neck, thumb decisively lifting his chin – and Yu gave out a shaky sigh in anticipation. Without breaking the eye contact, he was excitedly listening to the uneven, hot breath brush against his parted lips and slowly get closer and closer with every thrilling second.

Impatient, Yu closed the distance first – and blissfully groaned in the starved, rousing kiss as Adachi deepened it right away.

Immersed in all the mind-reeling sensations, Yu knew that nothing else had ever felt as ‘right’ and ‘real’ to him as all this did at the moment. And something in the back of his mind was convinced that absolutely nothing else would ever come close to this. 

His hand released its grip on Adachi’s thigh, crawled up, and grasped the loosen tie and shirt collar instead. Tugging at them and pressing his other hand to the white fabric between the shoulder blades, Yu laid back on the bed and pulled Adachi along, not willing to let go of his lips not even for a split moment. He curved into the hand on his groin again, trying to maximize the contact as much as possible, and drowned another grunt of pleasure in the ravenous kiss while working his own right hand between their bodies.

As soon as it slightly tugged at the buckle of Adachi’s belt, Adachi drew away to let out a loud, ragged sigh – not quite a groan, but definitely the richest and strongest reaction he had shown so far. His palm reflexively clenched on Yu’s zipper and Yu, enraptured, ran his other hand up Adachi’s spine. Passionately digging his fingers in the unkempt dark hair that he had never had a chance to touch before, Yu threw his own head back on the bed and gave out a trembling breath.

“Adachi-san…”

The low, husky voice he affectionately moaned the name in conveyed more than he could ever manage to say in any other words.

His chest heaving as he was making frequent intakes of air after the maddening kiss he’d been long yearning for, Yu felt Adachi slowly lever himself up with the left elbow, propped against the bed – and unwillingly opened his eyes. Because of the nightstand lamp’s already dim light being covered by Adachi’s body, Yu couldn’t see his face. But could definitely _feel_ his stare.

After several occasions of these silent, time-freezing moments, Adachi’s gaze seemed almost tangible to him. But although something about it felt different this time, discerning the difference without even being able to see the look on the face was beyond what Yu’s perception could do.

Vainly gazing above in return and making an even more fruitless attempt to catch his breath, Yu carefully pressed his right hand tighter to the white shirt right above the buckle and then started to slowly undo Adachi’s belt.

The next moment he sensed a hand decisively circle on his wrist, stopping him from making another move.

“That’s it,” Adachi said in a dry voice as he detached Yu’s hand from himself and straightened his back, his knees still on the bed on the both sides of Yu’s legs. “This is as far as I can handle to take it with you.”

The unexpected words and the cold tone immediately threw Yu back into the heart-breaking reality. Unable to speak, he slowly slid his both hands down on the cold white sheet and, shocked, peered into Adachi’s unreadable expression.

“Feels gross to do this with a guy, after all,” Adachi added casually as he got up from the bed and started adjusting his clothes. “Besides, I still see you as just a kid, I guess. No offense.”

The anguish caused by the words Yu heard cut down even smallest intentions to search for the possible explanations why Adachi would so suddenly diverge from the plan he had offered himself. There seemed to be _nothing at all_ that would even remotely justify the cruel rejection that made Yu feel like a plaything, mercilessly cast aside.

In the complete silence of the room, he was desperately trying to shut down the crucifying pain along with all the intense feelings and emotions in his chest. He hadn’t even been aware of the existence and strength of half of them until just a few minutes ago and wished he had neither known about them, nor disclosed them to the man, who just spat and stepped on them.

When Yu finally forced himself to sit up on the bed, Adachi had already picked up his jacket from the floor and was putting it back on.

“Go take a cold shower or something,” he muttered as he walked around the bed and sat on the covers on its left edge, facing the window. “And then get me back to my cell. We aren’t spending the night here.”

His whole body still ablaze, aching from the tension, and chest filled with the agonizing hurt, Yu slowly got to his feet. Once he picked up his vest, he glanced at Adachi’s back, as if in the naive hope that he’d declare everything to be a cruel joke at any moment.

Which, of course, wasn’t happening.

Clenching his fists and biting the lower lip in overwhelming bitterness, Yu slammed his eyes shut and then turned away, heading to the bathroom without saying a word.

***

“Oh, hell, seriously? I was told he’s staying at some other town's jail tonight! What happened to that sweet plan??”

A night shift guard, whom Yu understandably had never seen before, was clearly not too happy to see Adachi get back.

“They couldn’t find a free cell after all,” Yu said dryly as he handed out the handcuffs key. “I’m sorry for the trouble.”

“More like ‘sorry for crushing your dream shift’, huh?” the guard clicked his tongue and took the key back. “Fuck, here I thought that Christmas miracles actually happened...”

Yu didn’t reply and looked aside while the guard was unlocking Adachi’s handcuffs.

“No dinner or evening routine for you tonight. And _not a freaking sound_ , you psycho, y’heard me?” the jailer raised his voice after letting Adachi in the cell. “Or I swear I actually _will_ give you the beating you deserve, got it?”

The guard loudly shut and locked the door and, completely ignoring Yu’s presence, headed for his office at the end of the corridor.

Absentminded and barely aware of the surroundings, Yu continued standing in the dimly lit space in front of the closed cell. At last, he forced himself to make a couple of steps toward the door.

The inside of the cell was mostly dark, save for the weak moonlight from the window above. But Adachi was probably on the futon to the left of the entrance anyway, blocked from light by the partition and – luckily – out of sight.

“I’ll be back in a few days,” Yu said in an unusually emotionless voice, sharing the plans he had come up with on their way back from the motel. “I’m going to Tokyo next morning to handle the next steps in getting your case out of the regular system and letting the Operatives gain full control over it. This is the main reason I’ve returned after all.”

He waited for a dozen seconds but didn’t get a reply.

Then he closed his eyes and got to the key point.

“If you knew you’d be disgusted, you shouldn’t have forced yourself to make that offer. I appreciate your attempt to keep up the act as long as you could but..” he balled his hands into fists, “..we both would have been much better off without it.”

As he expected, there was no response yet again.

“Rest well,” he concluded almost coldly and, without waiting for a reply this time, turned around and walked back into the dark hallway.

His mind still reeling, Yu didn’t even realize when he returned to the car in the parking lot, got inside and shut the door. Now that he knew he was alone, the silence felt different, but wasn’t any less crushing and suffocating.

He continued to sit still for about ten minutes straight, losing track of time completely, until he heaved a deep sigh and reached for the pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket.

There were only five left and he wasn’t sure it would be enough until morning.

###

Clenching his hands on the edges of the sink, Adachi was gazing down at it through the darkness, small droplets falling from the face he had just splashed with cold water.

He couldn’t tell how much time had passed since he’d returned to his cell. All he had been doing until this moment was lying on the futon and mindlessly staring at the ceiling. When he had given up on the hope to fall asleep, he had forced himself to get to his feet, take off his tie and jacket, and then carefully made his way to the sink in the corner.

After slowly unbuttoning the top of his shirt, he raised his eyes and blankly looked in the small dusty mirror. In a minute or two he moved the fingers of his right hand from the white shirt to what must have been the reddish spot on the skin under the left clavicle. Feeling as if it still burned, Adachi unwillingly let recent vivid memories rush back into his mind.

“Good thing I didn’t go for the neck, right?”

Adachi slammed his eyes shut and pressed lips together. He wasn’t even startled by the voice behind him – it was something he had expected and dreaded since the moment he'd come back.

“You’d have a hard time explaining this to the guards, had they noticed.”

Adachi’s hand slid down from the clavicle and clenched the edge of the sink again. Now that he knew what he would see after turning around, he had no intention of doing it.

“Are you trying to ignore me? Again?”

Almost digging his fingers in the sink, Adachi grit his teeth.

“..Disappear,” he muttered.

“I believe I got enough of the cold shoulder from you today, Adachi-san.”

“You’re just a voice from inside my head,” Adachi retorted, his eyes shut tight.

“And you’re so sure of this simply because I talk a little differently from him?” the voice scoffed. “How do you know that’s not how _he_ ’d talk to you if not for all his goody two-shoes principles?”

“You used to say the same shit for months because of the lies the Junes brat told me,” Adachi cut him off.

“Just a few hours ago you suggested some ugly motive for me renting your place – but now you suddenly trust in my good attitude?” the voice sneered. “And that’s _after_ what you did tonight? When I have full right to feel nothing but _hatred_ for you?”

Gnashing his teeth, Adachi slowly opened his eyes but simply stared in the sink again.

“Was that your idea of “helping me”?” the voice scoffed again. “Your sincere regret for “ruining my life” in action?”

Adachi bit his lower lip and didn’t reply.

“And that “still see you as a kid” part, damn. Age didn’t bother you _in the least_ 5 years ago. Some sick attempt at sounding righteous.”

The next second, Adachi heard the voice nearer, right over his shoulder.

“This just wasn’t how you thought it’d all go, was it?” the voice was a loud jeering whisper. “Like back then, you simply wanted _me_ to stop _you._ To back out of your generous sacrifice that you never thought would go that far.”

He clenched his hands on the sink.

“Shut up.”

“After all, you never listen, never want to be held accountable for anything. And you _never_ _change_.” The voice chuckled. “You just _love_ playing a martyr even now, Adachi-san, right?”

“Shut. _Up_ ,” Adachi repeated louder, through gritted teeth.

The whisper went quieter, almost turning into a barely hearable hiss.

“Yet no matter how much you yourself want to succumb to suffering, you’re just always _hurting me_ instead _.”_

After hearing the words, Adachi turned around and, his mouth a snarl, forced himself to peer into Yu's face through the darkness.

“I’m not getting dissected here by a dumb provoking illusion in my head, you hear me?! I did what I _had_ to do. And he _will_ get the reason someday. So enough with the mind games and get the hell _lost_ already!”

A couple of seconds after he yelled this out, Adachi heard a metallic scrape nearby, even though the only tangible metallic thing in the cell Adachi could think of was the door.

As the sound grew louder, he saw a mysterious smirk on the face in front of himself.

“Only after we make things fair, Adachi-san.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said I'm aiming for a healthy relationship but I've never said it's gonna be fast and easy~.
> 
> This arc's last chapters will probably take me longer because they are still quite rough drafts, sorry. And there's a very delicate dialogue with a certain character in the next chapter that I want to make sure is good enough.


	14. Chapter 14

Uncharacteristically of him, Yu hit the snooze button on his phone’s alarm clock for the second time in a row. After managing to fall asleep at somewhat past 5 in the morning, being awake at 7 am was what he wanted least.

Letting himself be completely honest, he didn’t want to be awake at all.

The thoughts that had been racing through his mind the whole night after getting back to the rented place had been growing unbearable with every hour. He had opened some e-book on law on his laptop and tried to distract himself by reading it, but could only make it through a couple of sections before finding himself too far away from the legal theory and wishing for a cigarette. Again.

He would keep on rereading some parts, almost muttering the words under his breath – as if to make sure he was actually reading – but after getting to the bottom of the page he would realize he couldn’t tell what it was even remotely about.

At the very least, such mind struggle had seemed to have worn him down eventually, making him pass out on the bed - still fully dressed and using the bed cover as a blanket.

When the phone started to buzz for the third time, Yu was prepared to turn the alarm off yet again, but something in his still exhausted and pained mind reminded him about the early morning train to the city that he had to catch.

With a heavy sigh, he opened his eyes and lifted his face from the pillow. After checking the clock, he sighed yet again and slowly sat up on the bed, massaging the temples with the fingers of his right hand. All of a sudden, the memories from the night before bobbed to the surface yet again – and he slammed his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to stop his brain from thinking.

He reminded himself that neither staying at his rented place, nor going to Okina were an option – not at the moment at least – and forced himself to get up from the bed. Trying to occupy his thoughts, he started to think of the things he might need during his 2-3 day-long trip back to Tokyo.

***

Yu arrived at the modest building of Public Safety’s secret department a little later than 1pm. He almost hoped that his boss would be out on a lunch-break when he knocked on the door of her office, but heard her voice inviting to come in instead.

“You really should use your lunch-break time to rest, Kirijo-san,” Yu chuckled as he entered the spacey office room and closed the door.

Mitsuru raised her eyes from the screen of her laptop and blinked in surprise.

“Narukami? I assumed we would discuss everything over the phone or did I-..?”

She looked back to the screen and probably started to search for the email she had sent him on Thursday, to check how exactly she formulated the plan, but Yu calmed her down.

“You mentioned a call in the email, right. I just had some stuff to do in the city anyway, so I thought it’d be better to discuss everything in person,” he looked at the big clock on the wall to the right. “Not necessarily right now, if you do have plans for lunch.”

Mitsuru shifted her eyes back to Yu and then moved the laptop somewhat to the side. With a soft chuckle, she slightly shook her head.

“Takeba’s shooting session ends at around 2pm. That’s when I’ll leave for a lunch-break,” she motioned to the chair in front of her desk. “Have a seat.”

After he put down the satchel – the only thing he ended up taking with him – on the floor, Yu sat down in the chair and heard his boss’s quiet sigh.

“I’m sorry for not getting back to you about the documents earlier. Things were quite hectic here a few days ago, so...”

Yu arched a troubled eyebrow.

“Is everything all right?”

“Yes,” Mitsuru smiled. “As you’ve said, we could trust that group. Akihiko kept an eye on them in your stead just in case, but they handled it all splendidly on their own.”

His shoulders relaxed and Yu smiled.

“From what I’ve seen in the news in the morning, the prosecution is finally taking the matters in their hands.”

“Yes. However, it won’t be easy, considering the circumstances. You know it better than anyone that just a confession isn’t enough when the truth is unconventional.” Mitsuru glanced at her computer screen. “Your suggestion of creating a special council for dealing with this sort of cases is exactly what we need now. I’ve already submitted your documents, describing the concept proposal in detail, to the Public Safety officials. Along with the request form for creating this council as soon as possible.”

Yu’s eyebrows flew up: he knew that his idea had practical worth, but hadn’t expected such swiftness in Mitsuru’s actions.

“There will still be difficulties with bringing the concept to life,” she crossed her arms on her chest. “Mostly those related to drafting our own legal code for assessing unique circumstances of such cases. Unless we present this code, the council won’t be authorized.”

“I’d gladly prepare it myself, but I’m not sure the involvement of a mere law student will be viewed positively,” Yu replied as he pondered over this issue. “I think I do have the right person for the task in mind, though.”

“Probably the same one I do,” Mitsuru gave out a soft chuckle. “I’m planning to contact her as soon as I get some general feedback from the Public Safety. She has her own interests in forming such a council, so I believe we’ll have her assistance.”

“I hope so. And if my help will be needed, I’ll assist in any way too.”

“I’m afraid, you’ll have your own share of issues to deal with,” after breathing out a sigh, Mitsuru reached for the binder on her desk, got a few papers out of it and handed them to Yu. “This is the answer I received from the Metropolitan Police Department after requesting to fully retrieve the YS-11 case for our independent prosecution.”

His brow furrowed, Yu quickly scanned the letter.

“What do they mean by the ‘range of finalizing procedures’?” he asked after lifting his eyes from the paper.

“I suppose I was too rash in referring to the case as ‘beyond their competence’ in my message to the MPD,” she closed her eyes for a moment. “I assume, they saw the phrasing as a personal attack and condemnation of some sort. So now they are set on making sure they can’t deal with the case before they agree to let us handle it. I suppose that the ‘procedures’ imply a line of additional questionings and case re-analysis by the MPD officials.”

Clenching the paper in his gloved hands, Yu bit his lower lip.

“..Does this mean I’ll be removed from leading the case too?” he looked back at Mitsuru.

“You’ll be forced to cooperate and abide by all MPD instructions during the questionings, yes. But your responsibility over the case was granted by Public Safety and they can’t simply revoke it and remove you from the position you were assigned to.”

Yu breathed out a quiet sigh of relief and only a moment later realized that being denied direct involvement in the case would’ve probably made it easier for him. He couldn’t even consider this as a possibility though – after all, _he_ was the one who had initiated re-investigation. Besides, he knew that Adachi wouldn’t be happy about the idea of a new questionings that he’d have to endure and, given his mental state, would need at least some sort of support. Which – just as the psychiatrist had pointed it out a week ago – he could only get from Yu.

Distancing himself was something Yu simply couldn’t afford yet. And the mere idea of secretly wanting to do it after receiving the rejection of the feelings that he had always known to be meaningless anyway made him appear annoyingly weak in his own eyes.

After all, he simply shouldn’t have let this kind of personal feelings interfere with the case work in the first place.

“Are there any details on the procedures?” he asked after pulling himself together. “Some names or dates, perhaps?”

“Not yet. I only got this document this morning,” Mitsuru reminded him. “I think they’ll need some time to form an investigative group on their side. Once they contact me again, I’ll let you know.”

“Can I take this?” he raised the document.

Mitsuru nodded and he reached for the folder in his bag. While he was getting it out and putting the papers in the plastic sleeve, his boss lowered her eyes to the table.

“There’s.. also something I’ve wanted to discuss with you since the day you asked me to put you in charge of this case.”

Yu raised his eyes from the folder he just closed, signaling his attention.

“You probably already know it but 5 years ago I was among those, who cooperated with Inaba’s police after learning the contents of the suspect’s very first confession statement,” Mitsuru went on. “There weren’t many people in the Shadow Operatives group back then – just me, Akihiko, and a few of my father’s former assistants.”

She paused and then let out a sigh.

“I would lie if I said that we hadn’t expected the case related to Shadows to not come to a standstill within the regular legal system. But there wasn’t much we could do. Forming the kind of council we'll create now was impossible back then. All we were able to do was insist on isolating the perpetrator, which felt necessary for everyone’s safety.”

“I understand,” Yu nodded. “The Operatives needed time to get some influence and authority for doing something like what we’re doing now. Just like I needed time to get a degree and be able to interfere as a specialist.”

“Yes. However, I.. admit we should have gotten back to the case before you brought it to our attention,” looking down, Mitsuru shook her head.

Genuinely touched by his boss’s attempt to apologize for playing a role in getting the case stalled, Yu shook his head in return.

“It’s all right, Kirijo-san. With the growing influence of your department, your responsibilities were growing as well. And from the objective point of view, a resolved case with a secured perpetrator shouldn’t be a priority for the Public Safety to deal with. Even I agree with this. It’s just that it..” he cracked a guilty smile, “happened to be of personal importance to me.”

“It is only natural – you were a part of it yourself,” Mitsuru softly smiled back. “And I do remember you telling me about Tohru Adachi – his past, the abnormal situation behind the entire case, and the reasons why you still sympathize with him and consider him a friend.”

The corners of his mouth slightly curled, Yu lowered his eyes to his boss’ table. Two weeks ago - back when he was persuading Mitsuru to rush and reopen the case - he indeed had shared almost the entire story from 2011 with her, leaving out only one unimportant detail.

The same unimportant detail that was tearing him apart on the inside now.

“..This will probably sound ridiculous, but.. as long as Adachi-san’s future isn’t determined for him, I don’t think I’m ready to look into mine,” Yu muttered almost mechanically, eyes still cast down. “I know that I needed, _had_ to start looking into it long ago. But no matter how I tried, I just couldn’t.” He paused. “And I’m not even sure that getting him a verdict and a sentence will help, but… it’s the only option I have now.”

He let out a quiet chuckle before raising his eyes to Mitsuru and smiling guiltily again.

“In the end, the person I sympathize with the most is just myself.”

He almost anticipated the reproach he thought he deserved, but Mitsuru just closed her eyes and bit her lip.

“I’m truly sorry,” she muttered instead, her voice filled with genuine compassion and barely disguised grief. “Believe me, I.. know exactly how suffocating and devastating it feels – to go through the years knowing that you are of no use in getting a friend from a timeless exile…”

She trailed off and then slowly opened her eyes, fixing them on Yu.

“I’d want to say that I’ll take care of the case as fast as possible but as you understand, not everything depends on me alone. And yet I promise I will do everything I can to speed the process up.”

Yu replied with an understandable nod and a sincerely grateful smile.

“Thank you, Kirijo-san. I really appreciate this.”

Mitsuru smiled in return but then pressed her lips, preparing to say something else.

“I also wanted to clarify a certain point regarding the council we’re going to create,” Mitsuru started carefully after a short pause. “As I see it now, we will most likely adhere to the jury system. Each case will require a group of people, who will take part in delivering an objective verdict in accordance with the code we will create.”

Curling the hands into fists, Yu already knew where this was going.

As if giving him the time to consider the answer even before asking the question aloud, Mitsuru waited for a few moments before continuing.

“I wanted to know, whether you would want to be included in the jury for the YS-11 case with Tohru Adachi as the suspected perpetrator.”

His eyes cast down yet again, Yu didn’t know what to say.

It was clear that the jury’s purpose and goal was to declare the already obvious, irrefutable verdict. In other words, to do something that Yu avoided 5 years ago thanks to Adachi’s confession. And after 5 years, the prospective of playing this sort of a role in Adachi’s fate _still_ stirred up the very same contradictory emotions, which couldn’t be dulled even by the bitterness and hurt Yu could feel in his chest.

“..I’d like to take some time to think about this, if it’s possible,” he replied, still not looking up. “This is.. somewhat of a difficult decision for me.”

He knew that he probably didn’t even need to clarify this, since if Mitsuru asked this question directly, she must have picked up on this herself.

“We won’t need to form the jury before we get the code, so there is no rush,” she assured him. “I assumed you might need time to contemplate this. And you do have it.”

Yu already raised his eyes and was going to thank his boss again when he heard the knock on the door and turned around to the sound of it opening.

“I’m sorry to-..” Naoto’s eyebrows flew up in the very same astonishment as Mitsuru’s about fifteen minutes ago. “Yu-senpai? I thought you were-…”

“In Inaba, right,” Yu smiled as he was slowly getting up from the chair. “Got back for a few days to deal with some business.”

“What was it, Shirogane?”

Yu stepped aside, allowing Naoto - in her bluish-grey suit with a white shirt and a black tie - to near the desk.

“Chief Officer approved the forensic analysis for the EH-78 case by your group, so I was sent to deliver the requested evidence. Everything is already in the laboratory – there’s a signature from the forensics expert on the last page. But I still need yours, to confirm that you received the items.”

Letting out a sigh, Mitsuru stretched out her right hand and took a few papers that Naoto was holding out.

“I really should talk to the Public Safety officials about using you for these deliveries,” she muttered while going through the pages. “This isn’t something you should waste your time on.”

Naoto slowly shook her head, letting her long hair sway.

“You know how people in charge of the deliveries in Public Safety treat your department, Kirijo-san. They wouldn’t take the job seriously and that would result in you not getting the requested evidence for another week. Just like it happened last spring.” She smiled. “Besides, I truly don’t mind paying a visit here from time to time.”

Mitsuru replied with a soft chuckle.

“In that case, I’m glad to have you on our side, Shirogane. Give me just a minute,” she said and continued to look through the list.

After giving a nod, Naoto stepped back and looked at Yu.

“Have you returned because of the case, senpai?” she addressed him in a lower tone.

Yu shook his head.

“I just had some business and decided to drop by and discuss the case too,” Yu replied. He was already starting to believe that there was indeed some reason for him to come to Tokyo aside from the initial unbearableness of staying in Inaba.

“I heard that Chie-senpai is still here as well.”

“She’s got some issues with handing in a few essays. But she promised to settle everything and get back to Inaba.” He raised an eyebrow. “You’re in for the New Year’s party too, right?”

Pressing her lips together, Naoto shifted her eyes to Mitsuru’s table, making Yu regret the nonchalance he put in the question.

“The list is fine, sorry for the trouble,” Mitsuru put her signature at the bottom of the last paper before handing all of them back.

“Thank you, Kirijo-san,” Naoto put the document in her folder. “And sorry for interrupting. This could have actually waited.”

“I think we were almost done, weren’t we, Narukami?” Mitsuru raised her eyes to Yu.

“Yeah. I guess I’m just on standby until we get some information from MPD then.” He adjusted his bag, coat and put both hands in his pants pockets. “Keep me posted on any feedback on the proposal too and let me know if I can help.”

Mitsuru nodded.

“Sure. I will.”

After raising a silent eyebrow at Naoto, Yu nodded towards door and they both exited the room.

“You’re going back to the Public Safety’s HQ building now?” he asked after closing the door from the outside.

Naoto shook her head.

“Somewhat later. I’m technically on a lunch-break, and.. I suppose there’s something I’d like to discuss with you, if you aren’t in a hurry.”

In the state he was, Yu felt like he would welcome any discussion at all.

“I’ve got time. And not sure if you had lunch not-technically, but I’d grab a bite.”

***

“I was under the impression that you love quality nutrition, Yu-senpai,” Naoto let out a soft laugh. “Do you regularly visit such places?”

With a chuckle, Yu put his tray on the table in the rear and almost empty corner of the fast food restaurant.

“Every so often,” he looked back at the loud queues near the cash desks. “There’s something about these quiet corners near the lively and noisy places that feels revitalizing to me for some reason.”

Yu immediately stopped short, having realized that he was unwillingly giving out his mental exhaustion.

After forcing a smile, he sat down on the sofa right next to the window and across the soft armchair occupied by Naoto, who was already giving him a slightly concerned look.

“So, what is it you wanted to talk about?” he asked ahead of the question that he could almost hear Naoto voice any moment soon.

She lowered her eyes to her tray with a burger and a coffee, hesitating for a while.

“It’s about the New Year’s party,” she exhaled at last. “I believe I shouldn’t attend, since I’m.. not sure I’ll be contributing to the holiday spirit.”

After looking at Naoto with his lips pressed together for a few moments, Yu sighed.

“Kanji thinks the same about himself.”

Naoto bit her lower lip.

“..Did you meet him, senpai?”

Yu nodded.

“Twice. He said he’s afraid of ruining the mood by simply being there.” Yu slowly breathed out. “But I honestly think that it’s a good opportunity for you two to finally talk.”

“There isn’t really anything he and I should talk about.”

“If there weren’t anything like that, you’d both have no problem seeing each other, right?” Yu contradicted carefully.

Naoto was silently looking at the food on the tray, showing zero appetite. Yu couldn’t blame her – he hadn’t eaten anything since morning but looked at his burger and fries without any enthusiasm even now. The only reason he bought them in the first place was because of the nagging stomachache.

“Look,” he added in his usual comforting tone, “I really don’t want to pressure you into any explanations, Naoto. But I just think that the situation you and Kanji are in isn’t so difficult to handle. You still genuinely care about and don’t want to hurt one another. That’s the important part. Maybe you’re simply misunderstanding something.”

Naoto slowly shook her head.

“As long as I didn’t misunderstand Kanji-kun’s words three years ago, I’m afraid there is no way for us to handle this situation.”

Silently observing Naoto, Yu was almost sure that at this point she’d prefer to simply change the topic – just like she had done it those three or four times when Yu had tried to discuss the matter with her before.

To his surprise, she heaved a deep sigh and closed her eyes, but slowly went on.

“If I’m completely honest, Kanji-kun’s feelings are.. requited, in a way. But not in the..”, she drew the lower lip between her teeth again, “.. _conventional way_ that he would eventually expect them to be returned.”

Yu didn’t reply for a few moments, trying to chase Yosuke’s pained expression away from his mind. He now knew the bitter feelings behind the emotions he witnessed back then perfectly well.

“You mean you like him as a friend, right?” he muttered.

He could tell by Naoto’s furrowed brow that his wording appeared to be too simple to be applied to her situation.

“..It’s a little different,” she disagreed while shaking her head. “And it’s not even about me and Kanji-kun. Rather, about me and people in general,” Naoto finally raised her eyes that had confused seriousness in them. “The fact is, I’m a wrong person to be in a relationship with because I can’t feel what people are supposed to feel in them.”

Yu started to get confused too.

“I think I’m capable of maintaining a connection based solely on romantic attraction,” she continued in all seriousness again. “But I’m afraid, this is my limit and everything beyond that is, in its turn, beyond me. With anyone at all.”

Not sure if he had to interrupt, Yu silently watched Naoto bring a cup of black coffee to her lips and take a few small gulps.

“..I feel guilty and am somewhat ashamed of this even, because I know that’s not how things should normally be. But I can’t change this about myself,” she said, staring at her cup. “I like Kanji-kun. Romantically, I assume. And yet I know that I’ll just cause him pain and waste his time because I most probably won’t ever be able to offer him a real conventional relationship.”

“Wait a second, Naoto,” Yu interrupted in an attempt to catch up. “You’re saying that Kanji will see you as a ‘waste of time’ because you..” he paused to consider the phrasing that will be most comfortable for someone like Naoto, “..don’t feel like you are into intimacy?”

Naoto lifted an eyebrow.

“Won’t it be natural?” she asked with a wan smile. “I can’t tell, because I feel like my view is distorted. But from what I have learned, sexual part is important in a relationship.”

Yu rubbed his neck.

“It is, but I wouldn’t go so far as generalizing to the point where it’s the be-all end-all for everyone,” he contradicted. “I think different people have different stances on its importance. You’re just the living proof of it.”

Naoto pressed her lips together and then drew a slow breath.

“I always assumed that things are especially different for men, but I’ve never had a chance to ask someone about it directly.” She paused and then raised her eyes to Yu. “If you don’t mind my prying, how does it work for _you_ , senpai?”

The corners of Yu lips curled into a somewhat wry smile.

“To be honest, I’m not too successful in relationships myself. So I probably won’t be able to help much by sharing my views on the topic.”

“I would appreciate your input regardless,” Naoto reassured him. "But only if you feel comfortable sharing it."

Yu lowered his eyes to the table and pondered for a while before beginning to speak.

“The ‘romantic attraction’ you mentioned is important for me,” he said, eyes on the food that he didn’t yet touch. “Nothing even goes much further if it’s not there. It all only starts with those relaxed but stimulating conversations, moments of comfortable silence, and some innocent and warm gestures…” he trailed off but then clarified: “I do have this with friends, too, and I think a good relationship _should_ be a friendship at its core, but this just.. feels different.”

“The line between friendship and romance is a complicated subject,” Naoto agreed. “I know this line exists, but can’t even begin to explain how it works. I’m not even sure it’s correct to refer to romance as a ‘next step’, because it makes friendship look inferior. But the fact that they are interconnected yet different remains, so…” she slightly shook her head. “Sorry, that was a bit off topic.”

“Not really, because this is where _I_ get stuck all the time,” Yu chuckled quietly. “For the past few years or so I haven’t experienced anything that would cross the line of friendship in my head. I did agree to try and see how it would work in a relationship a few times, hoping that my attitude would change into something different, but… those three relationships just hit the wall in the end. So I gave up on such attempts.”

He pressed his lips together and, after taking a slow silent breath, went on.

“..I do know how romantic affection feels, though, and see intimacy as some sort of natural continuation of it. A way of expressing the charged emotions that slowly built up over the time of this affection, I guess. And without these charged emotions, any sort of intimacy just feels.. empty and meaningless to me.” With a weak smile, he ruffled the hair over his right ear. “Am I making sense at all?”

“You are,” Naoto gave a serious nod. “So, it does work for you with these charged emotions in place, correct?”

Yu shut his eyes for a moment, trying to focus his thoughts on the talk.

“Yeah. When it’s someone I have these.. particular feelings toward, it’s not something I can even acknowledge or control. It just hits me. And it’s…” he curled up his fingers, driving away the vivid memories, “...overwhelming. In a good way.”

Feeling his throat go dry, Yu took the cup with his cold soda to make a few gulps.

“In my case, something prevents me from developing the ‘charged emotions’ in the first place,” with a slow shake of her head, Naoto breathed out a sigh. “And I’m simply uncomfortable with the whole concept of intimacy. Even if it involves a person whom I see differently from a friend.”

They both stayed silent for a while.

“Albeit I can’t fully understand the nature of sexual attraction, I do realize that having this kind of feelings turned down by the very person you wanted to convey them to would be extremely painful,” Naoto said with her eyes on the table. “And I wouldn’t want to do that to Kanji-kun.”

After he lowered the cup on the table, Yu was still clenching it in his hand, mindlessly staring at the light liquid surface.

“..I think it all depends on how exactly you make your point,” he answered after a short while without looking up. “Words and situations matter. I want to believe that some rejections are less.. debilitating than the others.”

“You mean, I should try openly discussing all this with Kanji-kun?” Naoto sighed, her voice clearly giving out the dread she felt toward such a perspective.

“As things are now, both Kanji and you have already been hurt for a couple years now, right?” Yu looked up and bent an eyebrow. “And neither of you can move on further. So I think you two should have a talk about this and arrive to some conclusion at last.”

Unable to contradict, Naoto pressed her lips into a thin line.

“The situation isn’t that grim as you think it is, Naoto, really,” Yu reassured her. “When Kanji spoke to me a week ago, he said he’d even shut down all his feelings just to stay in contact with you. Believing that the sexual side of a relationship is all that matters to him is belittling him. If anything, he’s always been the biggest romantic of us all.”

Naoto guiltily closed her eyes.

“I truly appreciate his resolve. But shutting feelings down while choosing to keep in touch isn’t easy. For me as well. I can suggest that he and I try to find the right distance – for neither of us to hurt each other – but it will be a lot of work and there’s no guarantee that we’ll ever find it,” she shook her head. “This is a cruel offer to make.”

Yu’s gaze shifted to the side as he quietly heaved a heavy sigh.

“..Losing a friend you treasure just because you’re on different pages when it comes to the ways of expressing attachment is way crueler,” he said and suddenly let this realization sink in his own mind for a couple of moments. Then he looked at Naoto and cracked a smile. “I believe it would really be better to ask Kanji’s own opinion on the matter at least. Deciding what is and isn’t important for him instead of letting him choose on his own just isn’t fair, don’t you think?”

Naoto fetched a deep sigh of her own before her lips slowly formed a wan smile.

“I suppose, my decision to finally open up and discuss this matter with you was the right one to make. Despite all my ambitions, there are definitely shortcomings in the logic I follow at times. And I’m grateful to you for pointing at my flaws so accurately.”

“This sounds like a grand praise for just listening you out and voicing my opinion, really,” Yu rubbed his neck with a chuckle. “But thanks too, Naoto. I never had the chance to think about all this, and.. I guess it was the right moment to do it.”

With her brow slightly furrowed, Naoto was silent for a few seconds.

“Is there anything _you_ would want to talk about, Yu-senpai?”

Inwardly, Yu let out a tired laugh. His head was such a wild mess from everything that had happened in the last three days, that even if he were desperate enough to choose to share all of his personal drama, he wouldn’t even know where to start.

But he didn’t notice when he did begin talking.

“Since we’re on this unusual topic anyway... You think the way biological sex affects all this is different for everyone too, right?”

Naoto brought her hand to her chin.

“I did think that this was a more important issue for men. But considering what you’ve told me, looks like it’s simply different for everyone, regardless.”

“In that sense, yeah. But what I’m talking about is…” for a while, Yu tried to formulate his thoughts in a vague yet understandable way, but in the end let out a sharp breath and went straight for the essence. “No matter what kind of attraction I have for someone, I don’t ever care who they are – a man or a woman. It simply doesn’t matter to me and it’s just ‘the person I like’, that’s it. And isn’t this...”

He exhaled and looked up, his eyebrows arching.

”..Isn’t this how it _should_ be? Is anything except for your attitude to someone really important? Can somebody just give up on their feelings just because they’re for the “wrong” person and back out or-…”

Yu bit his lower lip and clenched his fists, forcing himself to swallow the rest of the words that he so desperately wanted to get off his chest.

He had to remind himself that he was already saying borderline things. And there was no way he could afford voicing his frustration with how someone was able to willingly make advances to women, who disliked him and whom he barely knew, yet consider being with a man, who cared about him for 5 years and confessed to him twice, to be “gross”.

This was something Yu simply couldn’t comprehend no matter how he tried, but knew that he had to deal with it on his own.

“..Sorry, Naoto. Never mind,” he exhaled instead of finishing his thought. “That’s just.. something that’s been bugging me for a while. I’m not sure I can put it into the right words.”

“I think I got the gist of it,” Naoto assured him and flattened her tie. “To be honest, I only truly made peace with my teenage issues after I realized that biological sex shouldn’t play a determining or limiting role in _anything,_ at all.” She chuckled. “Kirijo-san, who remains so elegantly feminine while confidently managing a large department in the man-dominant realm, was probably the largest inspiration for me.”

A soft smile tugged at the corners of Yu’s lips: the admiration Naoto felt for Mitsuru had always been obvious to him.

“And what you’ve just described is how I feel things should be, too,” Naoto nodded after looking Yu in the eye. “I don’t quite understand how people can confidently state or know their specific ‘preferences’ in regards to such a complex emotion as attraction. But I used to think that this lack of understanding on my part was caused by my ‘distortion’.”

“Looks like you’re not the only one ‘distorted’ here then,” Yu smiled sadly.

With a thankful smile, Naoto slowly shifted her gaze to the side and put a strand of her hair behind the ear.

“..Kanji-kun’s stance on this matter felt mind-reeling, too. When all the boys in the third year of high school started insisting that I wore a girl’s uniform for the graduation ceremony, he told them all to “shuddup” and said that it didn’t matter what I wore or who I was, as long as I was comfortable with myself.”

“Sounds just like Kanji,” Yu let out a soft laugh. “He did like you even back when we all considered you to be a guy, you know.”

Naoto’s eyebrows flew up in surprise but she didn’t find the words to react and just dropped her eyes, flustered.

“To me, this kind of unconditional attraction seems to be the only right and real one,” Yu confessed after sharply exhaling. “But over the years, I"ve come to realize that it’s not how it works for many other people. It’s not that I think these other views are wrong or bad, but it’s just...”

“Confusing that something that seems so self-explanatory and logical to you doesn’t apply to the others?” Naoto asked, the corners of her lips forming a small smile. “I know this feeling all too well, senpai. It’s almost hurtful in how alienating it may feel in certain situations.”

“..As if there weren’t enough things in our lives that other people can’t possible comprehend,” Yu cracked a smile and Naoto nodded, bringing her coffee to her lips again.

For a few moments, neither of them said a word.

“It seems that in the end, the diversity of human nature has no bounds,” Naoto summed up as she put her empty cup down. “Every person is just a unique set of opinions, principles, and priorities – even when it comes to the most common things.”

“Yeah,” Yu dropped his eyes to the table. “It’s crazy how two people can even end up in a mutually comfortable relationship in this world, huh...”

After citing the line without thinking, he guiltily chuckled and shook his head.

“Sorry for being such a downer,” Yu looked up. “I woke up early because of the morning train, and I guess the lack of sleep shows.”

“It’s perfectly fine, Yu-senpai. I deeply appreciate your honesty on such an intricate topic.” She smiled. “And I promise I’ll take a few days off to attend the reunion party and have a talk with Kanji-kun.”

Yu knew that the perspective put a lot of stress on Naoto, but she did have the resolve in her eyes.

The next moment, she got her smartphone out he jacket pocket.

“For now, I will at least reply to Ted’s invitation. This way, I won’t have the possibility to step back later.”

“A smart move,” Yu smiled.

While Naoto was typing a message to Ted, Yu inwardly wondered if the overall awkward atmosphere between now _all_ of the Investigation Team members would even give Naoto and Kanji a chance to patch things up.

“On a different note,” Naoto got her phone back into the pocket, “Did Kirijo-san give you any updates on the case?”

“We’re trying to find a way to make the prosecution of all Shadow-related cases a part of the Operatives’ jurisdiction,” Yu explained. “Kirijo-san has already submitted a formal proposal for creating a special council to Public Safety. But drafting the legal code and assembling the jury group will take some time.”

“I’m afraid the request approval itself will take time as well,” Naoto sighed. “Many Public Safety officials don’t take the Operatives’ work seriously. Sometimes it’s just absurd that they are interfering with the processes that are supposed to _help_ them with their own workload.”

“The same way they interfered in April,” Yu furrowed his brow. “Had we been allowed to act and not just observe right from the start, the number of victims could have been minimized.”

Naoto nodded.

“Rest assured, I’ll do everything possible on my side to assist with approving the proposal,” she added and then bent an eyebrow. “I also believe you mentioned something about MPD?”

“They insist on reexamining the whole case before they officially allow the Operatives to handle it,” Yu slightly twisted his lips.

“Ridiculous. They refused to work on it for longer than three past years,” with a slight scoff, Naoto shook her head. “Lack of foresight and prideful stubbornness seem to be depressingly common traits among the people in power.”

“Yeah,” Yu sighed. “Guess I’ll just need to make sure they agree with the obvious conclusion in the end: that they _can’t_ prosecute it and will be better off stepping back.”

Naoto nodded and then glanced at her wristwatch under the jacket.

“Lunch-break’s over already?” Yu chuckled.

“Yes, I believe I need to get back to the office now,” Naoto looked up and smiled. “I’m really grateful for this talk, senpai. I think I should’ve mustered my courage for it long ago.”

“I’m glad we talked _before_ you decided to skip the reunion,” Yu smiled back.

“Indeed,” holding her black folder in one hand and the tray in the other, Naoto got up from the armchair. “Are you staying in the city until the New Year’s?”

Yu paused to think. That was his initial plan, but now he wasn’t so sure.

“Probably just for a day or two,” he shook his head and let one corner of his mouth curl up. “Gotta check up on my roommates.”

“Oh,” Naoto breathed out a chuckle. “Be sure to say hello to them for me.”

“I will.”

“Until the New Year’s, then, Yu-senpai.”

“Yeah, till then.”

After watching Naoto leave, Yu focused his eyes back on his food tray. His stomachache wasn’t getting better after just a few gulps of soda, so he sharply exhaled and forced himself to finish his mess of a lunch before heading for his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I've ever written this kind of dialogues with side-characters before but I enjoyed it. And I _really_ hope this wasn't too exhausting/weird to read, considering the obscure topics and complex ladies. 
> 
> Next chapter will be the final one for this 1st arc and with it I'll retreat to my cave for a while to finish the draft of the second arc (it's about 60% done for now but it's a really rough draft so I'll need time to tidy it up).  
> Also, next chapter will shortly feature yet another side-character. Any bets? :>


	15. Chapter 15

“Hey, Margaret, missed me?”

Before he even shut the front door of his house from the inside, Yu crouched down near the cat, who was meeting him. As Yu, smiling, was petting her smooth silvery fur, the feline was purring loudly with her tail up.

“Yeah, me too,” Yu smiled and then raised his head. “And where’s Shogun? Sleeping on the bookcase as always?”

The moment he said that, there was a thud – and soon a dark-brown cat’s head appeared from around the corner of Yu’s study. Narrowing his eyes, the cat seemed to be jealously watching Yu and Margaret from afar.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” Yu smirked. “Don’t want a few pats? You sure?”

The cat hesitated for a few more moments before finally giving up and dashing to his owner.

“Yeah, wise choice,” Yu started scratching his other fluffy “roommate” behind the ears with the other hand. “Missed you both, guys. You’re not causing trouble for Okumura-san, are you?”

“They sure aren’t, Narukami-san.”

He turned around and saw a girl in a pink beret and a light-blue coat on the porch.

“Damn. Sorry,” Yu apologizingly shook his head. “I should’ve let you know that I’m back in the city right when I arrived in the morning. My head’s a real mess today.”

“It’s all right,” Haru assured him and crouched down to pet Margaret too. “I love to come see them anyway. Megu-chan is always so nice to me. And I have some progress with befriending Sho-chan..” she stretched out her arm to touch Shogun, but the cat wriggled out, “..I think?”

“Shogun, that’s _not_ the way to thank someone for taking care of you for 10 days straight,” Yu slightly furrowed his brow while Haru let out a quiet giggle.

“He’s just showing you that he’s devoted,” she said, watching the cat butt his head against Yu’s knees.

“I’d prefer him to show that he’s well-behaved…” Yu sighed and then turned to Haru. “I’ve heard from my boss that you had more troubles here a few days ago. Everything all right?”

“Yes, it’s all right now,” Haru nodded while still petting Margaret. “We were worried about Mona-chan for a while, but he got back.”

“That’s a relief,” Yu smiled and slowly stood to his full height. "Sorry that I wasn't here to help."

"You've helped us too many times before," chuckling, Haru followed suit. “Are you just visiting for a short while?”

“Yeah, for a few days.” He nodded towards the cats. “But I’m thinking about taking these guys with me this time. That case I was talking about might take longer to deal with, and causing trouble for you and the cats doesn’t feel right.”

“It’s really not a problem for me to come see them, so don’t worry,” Haru assured him and glanced at the cats again. “Although... Sho-chan does seem distressed in your absence. He hasn’t been eating so well.”

“He does look leaner,” concerned, Yu furrowed his brow as he took a closer look at the cat. “He’s never been good with any of my guests, so I was worried about him taking this long trip… Did you try giving him canned food?”

“That’s all he’s ever agreed to eat,” Haru nodded and then brought a hand to her mouth as she giggled at the sight of Shogun and Margaret slowly circling around Yu. "They really are glad to see you."

"..Yeah," Yu rubbed the scarf on his neck, somewhat abashed.

“You know, during those few days when I took care of Mona-chan in early fall, I remembered how much I wanted to have a cat when I was little," Haru said. "But father never allowed me to get one.”

“You can ask him to get one now,” Yu smiled and Haru nodded enthusiastically.

“I think I’ll try asking him when everything settles down. But what I meant to say is that caring about Sho and Megu is a pleasure for me,” she closed her eyes as she smiled. “And it’s my way of thanking you, too. For saving father’s life.”

Yu ruffled his hair, feeling as if he had just fished for gratitude.

“He’s still cooperating with the prosecutors, right?”

Haru nodded.

“Mako-chan’s sister said that if not for his testimony, they would have had to make Leader surrender and take him into custody.” She shook her head. “I’m glad this didn’t have to happen. He doesn’t belong in a jail…”

“The things he can tell them would have no weight anyway,” Yu added. “Prime Minister’s live confession has had none so far.”

After keeping her lips pursed for a while, Haru looked at Yu.

“Do you think they will be able to convict him, Narukami-san?” Her brow was slightly creased, giving out her distress. “Not just for the bribery they mention everywhere now, but for.. everything. For making so many innocent people suffer.”

“It may not happen right now, but it’s what I and my department are working on,” Yu assured her. “I promise you that we’ll deal with it.”

Haru’s features slowly relaxed.

“This makes me feel a little better,” a soft smile rose to her face. “Leader deserves to have that record rescinded, too.”

“Yeah,” Yu agreed, “he does.”

There was a short pause before Haru slightly tilted her head.

“So how are the things with that old friend’s case that you planned to take care of?”

“..Fine, more or less,” Yu forced a smile. “I think that I just.. got carried away a little. I need to really focus on the job part when I get back.”

Haru dropped her eyes and slowly shook her head.

“It’s a ‘friend’, so it must be hard to distance yourself and see this simply as a job…” The corners of her lips curled up a little as she looked back at Yu. “I think you do deserve to use this chance to spend the time with him too, Narukami-san.”

Yu replied with a wan smile.

“Thanks,” he exhaled and then looked down at the cats. “Regarding these guys – I think I’ll take Shogun with me this time. Don’t want him to keep stressing over my absence and lose even more weight.” He looked at Haru. “Can you please look after Margaret for a while longer?”

“Of course, gladly!”

“I think you can even take her to your place, if your father is okay with it. For you not to bother coming here,” Yu suggested. “Shogun wouldn’t have taken a move without me well, but I’m sure Megu will be fine. She won’t cause trouble.”

“This would be great,” Haru agreed. “I’ll ask father and let you know if I do take her to my place.”

She crouched down again and addressed Shogun, who was keeping his distance from her.

“Goodbye then, Sho-chan. I hope you’ll like the new place and get better soon,” smiling gently, she shifted her eyes up to Yu. “Perhaps you need Shogun just as much as he needs you now, Narukami-san. You look somewhat.. sadder than you did before you left.”

Yu couldn’t help but blame himself for still not being able to take himself under control and making the third person in a row worried about him. 

“I think I’m just a little tired," he smiled guiltily.

“Then be sure to have some rest as soon as possible,” Haru stood up to her height and smoothed her coat.

“Yeah, I will,” Yu nodded. “Sorry again, for not contacting you earlier.”

“It was nice to talk,” Haru chuckled softly. “Good luck to you and Sho-chan, Narukami-san. And see you soon, Megu-chan!”

After waving goodbye to both Yu and the cats, Haru walked away from the porch. Yu closed the door from the inside, took the shoes, coat, and scarf off, and went deeper inside the house.

With his parents having officially moved overseas two years ago and now visiting only for a few days a year, he had the whole place to himself. Both Shogun and Margaret were his own - rather than family - cats, who he had been living with in his rented Tokyo apartment before moving back in.

“So, Shogun, how many of those cans have you eaten on your own, huh?” Yu chuckled as he headed for the kitchen door.

The trip to Inaba wasn’t his first absence and the cats were somewhat used to staying alone for a while. But the past 10 days were the longest he had ever been away, so he did feel guilty.

Upon checking and refilling the cats’ bowls with food and water, Yu took off his vest, grabbed his bag, and neared the couch in the living room. As he lied down, he got the documents that he received from Mitsuru a few hours ago out of his satchel and started to look through them again, trying to understand how exactly MPD was planning to interfere.

Less than 5 minutes later, Shogun jumped on the couch and tried chewing on the corners of the papers in Yu's hands, but after quickly getting dissatisfied with the taste simply curled on top of them and fell asleep on the chest of his exhausted and already sleeping owner.

***

The sound of his phone woke Yu up into the surrounding darkness for the second time since morning. Completely disoriented, he wondered where exactly he was at first – which wasn't all that surprising considering all the location changes in the past 2 weeks. After hearing Shogun’s irritated meowing as the cat jumped down from his chest, Yu found at least one answer to his questions and focused on finding his phone.

Which ended up in his bag on the floor.

He got the phone in his hand late enough to expect the call to end the very moment he took it.

“Yes?”

But luckily, it didn't.

“Narukami Yu-san, correct?”

Yu glanced at the screen but the number didn’t tell him anything.

“Correct,” he sat up, letting the documents slide from his chest down on the floor, and rubbed his stiff neck. “Who is this?”

“Deputy chief officer of Okina Detention Center #4.”

Yu tightened the grip on the phone, expecting questions about yesterday’s events. In his head, he quickly went over his planned explanation – “crime scene examination instead of a planned meeting that was unexpectedly cancelled” – before calmly answering.

“I’m listening.”

“You are representing Public Safety’s department and are currently in charge of the YS-11 case.”

“Right.”

“You are also quite closely cooperating with Inaba’s Police Station.”

“Since that’s where the case started and where all the initial documentation is stored, yes,” Yu agreed, inwardly fearing any possible attacks on his uncle.

"I have also heard that you yourself currently reside in Inaba."

"..I do," Yu replied, feeling his heart pound from anxiety.

Deputy chief cleared his throat.

“In such a circumstance, would it not be to your convenience if the suspect were transferred to Inaba’s detention center?”

Yu blinked. This was not the turn he expected the conversation to take.

“I’m not sure I follow, sir.”

The voice on the other end let out a sigh of poorly disguised exasperation.

“The suspect creates a range of.. inconveniences for the Center, I’m afraid. I have been contacted by the Metropolitan Police earlier today regarding the upcoming procedures, based on our facility. The preparations for the visit of city’s high officials will be quite expensive for us. And considering the costs of the health care services the Center has already provided to the suspect – excluding the most recent incident even – the budget losses are already unacceptable. So-”

“I’m sorry, how “recent” do you mean?” Yu cut the officer off as his brows snapped together.

“Yesterday night.”

Without thinking, Yu got up to his feet.

“What’s his condition?”

“I’ve heard something regarding the need for stitching and bandaging, but this isn’t the reason why I’m calling you,” the officer gave a flat reply, making Yu grit his teeth. “I’m calling to ask you to consider the opportunity of the suspect’s transfer, which could be more convenient for you.”

“From what I’ve just heard, the key point is that this would be more convenient for _the center_ ,” Yu replied with barely restrained anger in his voice. “I assume, you’re planning to attribute this incident to self-harm as well, right?”

“It’s hardly possible, according to the medics,” the man said with open discontent. “We’re looking into the matter. But if the current version holds, you have even more reasons to consider the transfer.”

Yu was absolutely baffled by how the officer just almost openly admitted the staff’s abuse just to convince him to approve the transfer.

“I will contact Inaba’s station immediately,” he said with his left hand balled into fist, realizing that he really needed to get Adachi out of that place.

“So you do give your consent for the transfer procedures to be launched?”

From the way the question was posed, Yu realized that deputy chief had already begun preparing the papers on Okina’s side and called him just to check off the box.

“I do, and I will make sure to complete it as fast as possible for the sake of the suspect’s safety,” Yu stressed the last three words, keeping the ‘not for the sake of saving you the trouble’ part to himself. “I need a number to contact someone on the medical staff now.”

“They don’t have any time for talking, I’m afraid,” the man replied flatly again. “There’s an ongoing investigation on-premises and they are involved. You can visit the infirmary until 10 pm, but I can't say how much information you will be able to get.”

Yu glanced at the phone, showing just past 7 in the evening, and gnashed his teeth in suffocating helplessness. A ride to Inaba was about 4,5 hours, 30 more minutes to Okina. There was no way he could make it back to Okina in time.

“..I will be in your office tomorrow morning to discuss the details of the transfer,” he muttered before ending the call.

Once he abruptly closed his cellphone, Yu shut his eyes and bit his lip.

The memory of the guard’s words, which he’d heard last night before leaving the jail, resurfaced in his mind, filling him with immense remorse. Yu knew that he’d _had_ to pay more attention to the remark and _had_ to address it somehow. He hated the fact that he could’ve so easily disregarded the overt threat and naively let the line slide, especially when he was well aware of the prior cases of abuse.

And even though Yu knew that it had been his own pain that benumbed his reasoning and attention, it didn’t seem like a sound excuse to him at all. If anything, it made him feel even guiltier, because in the end he'd put his feelings over Adachi’s physical safety.

The fact that Adachi hadn’t been sent to a hospital implied that the injuries weren’t too severe. But they still were bad enough to cause a stir. What’s more, there was something about them that prevented the medics from writing the incident off as self-harm this time – even when doing so was in the Center's interests.

Yu suddenly realized that these were the only facts he would be stuck with until tomorrow morning and that all he could do was picturing the possible consequences. With that unbearable thought in mind, he opened his phone again and dialed his uncle.

When Dojima finally picked up after almost a dozen of long tones, Yu closed his eyes and exhaled.

“Sorry, can you talk?”

“..Sounds like it’s urgent, so yeah,” Dojima’s voice went low. “Troubles with yesterday after all?”

Yu inwardly wondered if that would’ve been actually better. He sighed and quickly explained the situation to his uncle.

“…-and didn’t give any contacts of the medics even. Said I should try visit instead.”

Dojima was cursing on the other end.

“You’re gonna drive there now?” he asked, making Yu bit his lip for a moment.

“..I’ve been in Tokyo since morning. So it’ll take me about 5 hours to get back.”

“All right, then I’ll head out to Okina in an hour myself,” Dojima replied without hesitation. “After I push the transfer papers on my side. Will contact you later.”

“Thanks. Let me know when you learn something.”

Yu hung up and sighed with some minor relief. He doubted that him searching for someone in the Center to talk to past midnight would even make sense, so having uncle check the situation was his best option.

After feeling warm fur against his leg, Yu snapped back into reality. He lowered his eyes to Margaret and cracked a smile as he sat down near her.

“Sorry, Megu. But looks like even Shogun won’t get the amount of attention he deserves when he goes with me. So it’s best to let Okumura-san take care of you. All right?”

The idea of getting back into the rented house on his own was still quite disturbing and Yu had to admit that, like Haru said, he needed Shogun just as much as – or even _more_ than – the cat needed him.

A moment later, he straightened his back, planning to change his shirt and quickly pack some stuff so as to make it until the last train.

***

It was almost 1 am when Yu, completely drenched in cigarette smoke, entered the small house in Inaba and turned on the light in the hallway. He opened the pet carrier’s door, letting Shogun out to explore new grounds, and started taking the shoes, scarf, and coat off. Then he reached for the plastic bag he brought from Tokyo and headed into the kitchen area, intending to accommodate some eating space for the cat in his new temporary home.

Once Yu filled the bowls with cat food and water, Shogun immediately rushed to them and started crunching. Slightly chuckling at the cat’s appetite, Yu opened the fridge, hoping to find something for a late dinner for himself: last thing he’d eaten was a meat-bun he had bought at the train station in Tokyo while awaiting his ride.

As soon as he noticed the leftovers, which Nanako had given Adachi a day ago, the wan smile that lingered on Adachi’s face at that moment appeared before Yu’s eyes and he clenched the fridge door without thinking.

Uncle’s voice from the call that Yu had received a few hours ago was still reverberating in his head. As the deputy chief had warned, the incident appeared to be classified and even Dojima failed to learn much. In fact, the only piece of information he had managed to get was about Adachi’s wounds. More precisely, their locations – on the upper part of the chest, palms, and shoulders. This wasn’t much but at the very least didn’t sound life-threatening.

Still, during the whole time he was on the train, Yu continued to blame himself for not reacting to the jailer’s threat. There was no guarantee that his vocal reaction could have prevented the events, but there was at least a _chance,_ a possibility to remind the guard that he would be held accountable in case something happened. And Yu didn’t take this chance.

Feeling his appetite gone again, Yu heaved a heavy sigh, closed the fridge door and-

“Well, finally.”

-shocked, immediately staggered back.

Staring at the figure to the right of the fridge in complete disbelief, Yu felt a cold shiver. The desperate unconscious affirmation that “he shouldn’t be here” was steadily taking over his mind and was soon the single thought left in it.

A second later, Yu realized that this might as well have been a hallucination of his own. Lack of sleep, hunger, and the stress that he had accumulated throughout the past week were solid enough reasons for that. But the next moment he heard Shogun hiss – and, after looking down, watched the cat retreat to the other part of the room, while keeping his green eyes glued to the very same place where Yu’s “vision” was standing.

Which irreversibly proved the reality of the situation.

Yu shifted his eyes back to the figure and couldn’t help but gulp.

“..How are you here?” he heard himself mutter.

“And where – remind me – I should be right now?” Adachi smirked.

This was a testing taunt, but Yu already knew the right answer. It didn’t make any sense but was the only possibility at this point.

“..Nowhere at all,” he replied, creasing his brow in confusion. “You’re something that shouldn’t even exist.”

With a satisfied smirk, "Adachi" let the gold shimmer in his dark eyes for a split second, making Yu bite his lower lip. He had never met Adachi’s Shadow before and never expected to. Especially not 5 years after the Shadow incidents in Inaba ceased completely.

“This would’ve been a funnier guess-game had that guy not been in custody,” the Shadow chuckled. “Although wait – not in the _infirmary_ , right?”

Yu clenched his hands, trying to focus his thunderstruck mind on the talk and get as many badly needed answers as possible.

“How are you here?” he repeated with more confidence.

“Well, I wonder,” Adachi shrugged. “I simply turned up in this world, I guess. Not like anyone felt the need to explain any details behind it to me. But as far as I remember, there isn’t anything too strange about me appearing outside of the TV, right?”

Yu curled up his fingers: just as he had told Adachi a week ago, Shadows did exist outside of the TV. But they still mostly dwelled in somewhat distorted locations. And no matter how much he glanced around, there seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary with the place.

This didn’t make any sense.

“Why,” Yu wasn’t giving up on his attempt to get a better grasp of the situation. “Why would you appear here and now?”

“Who knows,” the Shadow gave another extremely detailed answer. “Maybe I’ve been here the whole time. It’s “my” house, after all.” As he tilted his head to the side, the thin lips formed a crooked smile. “Or maybe I was brought into existence because _someone_ can’t control his unconscious anger that he feels for you now.”

Yu only had the time to raise his eyebrows in a question before the Shadow went on.

“I bet you’ve already been thinking about it,” Adachi was casually leaning against the sink, his hands in pockets. “About how you’ve been so engrossed in your little personal drama that you didn’t even pay attention to the guard’s threats. Just straight out ignored them, actually.”

Yu drew his lower lip between his teeth.

“It’s not like you could’ve changed anything about those threats, though,” the Shadow suddenly added and shrugged. “No way that guy would’ve decided to watch his words or actions after some kid called him out. And you don’t have any authority over what happens in that center anyway.”

“..If he thinks this way, why would he be angry with me then?” Yu fixed his perplexed gaze on the smirking face, which morphed into an exaggerated, mock-surprise a second later.

“Huh? Who said _that_ was the actual reason?” The Shadow seemed to be just as good at mind games as the real Adachi was. He scoffed and stared at Yu. “You really need more hints than _my_ presence here?”

Yu swallowed hard again. He had been pushing the conjecture back from the moment he realized it was a Shadow in front of him. He still had no way of telling _how_ it was possible, but he had the proof it _was_. And that indeed gave him enough reasons to start doubting something that he’d tried not to question before.

“Or what, someone’s just _too scared_ to accept the unpleasant truth?” Shadow Adachi taunted. “ _Again_?”

Cornered, Yu balled his hands into fists.

“..It can’t be,” he muttered.

“It can’t be what?” the Shadow teased and Yu forced himself to look him in the eye.

“It can’t be my fault he’s been suffering all this time.” The black fabric tightened on his knuckles as he couldn’t accept what now has become a highly possible reality. “There’s just _no reason_ for my Shadow to ever appear in the first place.”

The smirk on Adachi’s face grew wilder.

“Well, not like he’s totally right in the mind even without your interference – you couldn’t summon those visions of Yamano and Konishi he’s been having, right? But – really? _No reason_ at all?” He snorted. “Like you haven’t been getting back to him in your thoughts since last spring, with all the mixed feelings.”

“I wouldn’t ever want to cause him trouble,” Yu shook his head. “Not at any moment throughout all those months. Not even subconsciously.”

“Vowing over _subconscious_ now,” Adachi clicked his tongue. “You said you saw your friends accept the ugliest stuff about themselves 5 years ago. But you’re somehow sure you’re exempt from having a dark secret from yourself?”

“Not something like this,” Yu decisively shook his head again. “Not mentally tormenting someone.”

“ _Mentally?!_ ” Adachi’s Shadow started giggling, causing a shiver down Yu’s spine. “Oh, so you still don’t realize the _whole picture_ , huh?”

“..What do you mean?” gritting his teeth more from anxiety than anger, Yu could only wait for the Shadow to recover from a laughing fit and continue.

Which happened only half a minute later.

“Well, fine. As a senior detective, I guess I can help you assemble the facts here,” Adachi flashed Yu a crooked smile.

“I don’t understand what y-…”

“What was that only thing they told Dojima-san? “Injuries on shoulders, chest, and palms”, right?” the Shadow cut Yu off. “Doesn’t sound so serious. But it’s common-sense knowledge that jail does _not_ get you into the infirmary unless it’s at least _somewhat_ serious.” He paused for the dramatic effect. “As in, unless there’s blood.”

Dizzy, Yu was only able to vaguely remember the “stitching and bandaging” mentioned by the deputy chief in the call. Which proved that the wounds indeed had bled.

“But here's the thing - shoulders and hands are pretty tricky to get to bleed by hitting, no?" The Shadow kept on taunting. "And hey, who aims there anyway? With a fist, I mean."

He paused again, for a longer while this time.

"..It's a whole another story if there's some _bladed weapon_ involved, though."

Yu stood petrified, but was still forcing himself to look into the smirking face. And as if knowing that Yu had caught up with everything by now, Adachi’s Shadow contently crossed his arms on his chest and smirked.

“So what do you think, kid – are some army knives a part of jailers’ standard ammunition now or something?”

“..This isn’t true,” Yu muttered with his eyes downcast, feeling a lump in his throat.

“Yeah, they aren't,” the Shadow intentionally misinterpreted the answer and nodded. “So someone had to get a sharp metal object to a guarded workplace.”

“It’s not true,” Yu said firmer as he looked up and stared Shadow Adachi in the eye. “I’d never want to hurt him.”

“I’m sure the medics and other staff are racking their brains trying to find the weapon now,” the Shadow ignored him. “That’s why the incident’s still classified and why they can’t say it’s all “self-inflicted” again. But perhaps you’d have something in mind, huh? Mr. “I always prefer a good sword when it comes down to a fight”?”

“I wouldn’t hurt him!” Yu raised his voice, relentlessly denying to accept something he couldn’t bring himself to believe in. “No matter what _,_ I wouldn’t even subconsciously want to do it _._ ”

“Even after being hurt _yourself?”_ Adachi’s voice went suddenly cold as he pushed away from the sink and made a step forward. “You’re just as sickeningly, narcissistically righteous as you were back then, aren’t you?”

All of a sudden, the dark eyes narrowed and a crooked smile vanished completely.

“C’mon, kid. Look me in the eye and tell me you weren’t angry with me yesterday. After I broke your sweet, fragile heart yet again.”

He made another step.

“Tell me you didn’t feel bitter at me for not saying a thing after ruining the deal I offered myself. For not apologizing in any way.”

His expression filled with open disdain, Adachi stopped right in front of Yu,

“Tell me that deep down inside you didn’t desperately wish I could _taste_ your pain. So that I could learn exactly how I made you feel. So that I could truly regret it.”

He squinted and hissed.

“ _Do_ _it!_ Tell me you didn’t think about this. Not even subconsciously. Not even for a _split second_ there!”

Gnashing his teeth, Yu couldn’t help but break the eye contact and look aside. While silently clenching his hands and biting his lip, he failed to find the strength neither to deny nor to admit the possible proof of the consequences.

Repressed bitterness so strong it went violent and caused real harm. This was beyond anything he could ever excuse himself for. He didn’t even think he had the right to apologize for it.

The pain he had still been feeling even after the talk with Naoto now fully morphed into intense guilt and regret, as if literal stones were shoved into his chest.

“Wish came true, huh? _Congratulations_ ,” the voice spat and the moment Yu looked ahead again, the Shadow was no longer there.

In the complete silence of the house, Yu stood motionless. His eyes were still locked on the place, where the Shadow had just been in, the caustic voice still ringing in his ears. He tried to go over all the facts surrounding Adachi’s injuries on his own again, hoping to come to a different conclusion. But in the end, Yu realized that he would have eventually arrived to the same conjecture on his own after becoming aware of the presence of Shadows.

He shut his eyes, unwillingly admitting that he would only be able to verify everything on the next day. And until then, he still had the chance to latch onto the tiny hope of everything he had just heard being a cruel lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this, I'm on hiatus until I finish the draft of the 2nd arc. I'm only 6 chapters deep in it now, but the arc itself will be somewhat shorter, planning says.
> 
> Thanks so much for all your support so far! You can't imagine how much all the comments and art means for me and how much energy you've all given me throughout posting. Just like it was with the prequel, I'm not sure if (m)any of you will get back here whenever I resume the updates, but I'm grateful to everyone for sticking with me for these 15 chapters at least. I hope it was as fun for you to read this as it was for me to write.
> 
> As a weird token of my gratitude, here's a link to the first arc's [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4LOV55hR3WSVYD0BS3NkjE?si=XcPGSeZdTGGIGFPEBkWaEA) with 15 songs - a song for a chapter (in the suggested order). The lyrics of each song reflect the mood and often the message of a respective chapter, so you can probably find some additional hints at characters' inner thoughts and reactions (that's in case you're able to tolerate my music taste, hah.)
> 
> Hope to see you next time!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We (me and these idiots) are back~ Arc 2 is 13-chapters long, but most chapters are.. quite huge. Most of the in-fic days are split into 2 (or even 3) chapters. But despite the slow pacing, the arc is still rather eventful. I'll be doing my best to update here more or less regularly :>

Next day, Yu arrived at the detention center at 8 in the morning and, ignoring his own promise to see the deputy chief, immediately headed for the infirmary first.

He was surprised to see a guard next to the door this time but then quickly remembered about the incident’s ‘classified’ status from the day before. There had also been a call from the MPD, which must have finally – but untimely – reminded the center about their responsibility over the case and the suspect.

After he took his ID card out of the bag, Yu showed it to the guard and, upon getting a nod in response, knocked on the infirmary door. It soon opened and Yu recognized the middle-aged man, who had chased him out of the very same room about a week ago.

“I’m with Public Safety’s special investigation group,” Yu raised the badge again. “Can I see the suspect?”

“I believe I answered this last time – this isn’t a hospital, visits aren’t allowed,” the man replied flatly. “I can only hand him over some package, if you have one.”

Having realized that he indeed could have brought something, Yu only managed to find an excuse for his oversight in his early morning haste and the anxiety he’d been suffering from since the previous evening.

“No entry even for those, who are involved in the case?” he tried pressing on.

“We’ve got our own case with him here now,” the medic clicked his tongue. “And he’s still asleep anyway. It’d take effort to wake him up after yesterday’s anesthetics.”

Clenching the ID card in his hand, Yu lowered his gaze. Along with facing the fact that he wasn’t in control of the situation, he also had to admit that he felt _relieved_ at not having to look Adachi in the eye yet. And almost hated himself for it.

“Can you at least tell me about his condition then?” Yu asked after lifting his eyes. “Some details on yesterday’s events would be useful as well.”

“Would you prefer my versions or,” the doctor glanced at the guard, “the ones the local authorities are trying to make me accept?”

“Yours, by all means,” Yu replied without hesitation.

The doctor darted a look at the guard again and then stepped back inside the infirmary, gesturing Yu to do the same. After Yu did as he was asked, he slid the door behind himself and couldn’t help but fix his gaze on the only bed with all curtains drawn around it, knowing well it was the one Adachi was currently resting on.

“The suspect suffered from blood loss due to cuts on shoulders and chest. There are also lacerations on both of his palms, but less severe ones. All wounds were made by some sharp bladed article. These are undisputable facts, so far.”

Yu swallowed hard but forced himself to continue listening.

“Now on to a more problematic part,” the doctor sighed. “All cuts aren’t too deep, but they’re wide, so the blade was most likely pressed lengthwise with the body. The wounds form a single straight line: left shoulder, clavicles, right shoulder. So whatever blade was used, it should have been long enough to allow this kind of a trick. Probably as long as a-..”

“..sword,” Yu muttered as he stared absentmindedly behind the medic’s back, at the only occupied bed.

“That’s exactly what I suggested the moment I saw the injuries,” the doctor agreed and then threw his hands. “But of course everyone laughed at me. Because no way Teruishi-san – or anyone else on the guarding staff – could’ve brought a sword here. And even if they did, it would’ve been found by now.”

Yu was silently biting down on his lip.

“So if you ask me, there’s only one perfect explanation: the suspect had the sword continuously pressed into him, then tried to push back by holding it with bare hands. He immediately got his palms cut and quickly let go of the blade. That’s why it only slightly scratched his hands but went through the shirt on the body,” the man shrugged. “It’s all logical but crazy at the same time.”

With a lifeless nod, Yu dropped his eyes.

“And that’s my version, which probably won’t make it to the official reports anyway. Anything else?”

“No, it’s...” Yu was forcing himself to collect his thoughts, “Thank you. Just.. make sure he gets better, please.”

“Well, the wounds didn’t affect any organs and we stitched the cuts up a night ago. Wound dressing is a bit of a bother right now, and he’s been enjoying a second pack of our IV,” the medic huffed, “but there’s no reason for him not to recover soon.”

Yu let out a sigh of relief.

“He’s being transferred to another detention center in a couple of days,” Yu added. “Will he be all right enough to be dismissed by then?”

“Should be fine, yeah,” the man shrugged.

After thanking the doctor again with a slight bow of his head, Yu glanced at the bed for the last time and opened the door to the hallway.

“Thanks for finally getting him somewhere away from here, by the way!” the man called after Yu when he already left the infirmary.

Lips a thin line, Yu didn’t react.

Proceeding forward almost mindlessly, he soon found himself back in the lobby and decided to take his time to consider the next steps. He knew he needed to check with the deputy chief like he had promised he would. But before that, he wanted to have a quick look at the scene of the yesterday’s incident. So instead of nearing the elevator, he headed to the usual block.

When in a few minutes he knocked on the door of the guard’s office room and saw Dato upon entering, Yu silently thanked his luck. Dealing with Shirazuki and his remarks was the absolute last thing he wanted at the moment.

“Sorry, Dato-san. I would like to have a look at the suspect’s cell.”

“It has already been cleaned after the incident,” Dato warned as he stood up from his chair. “Is that all right?”

Yu nodded. It wasn’t the blood he wanted to see on the scene, after all. In fact, blood was the one thing he absolutely _didn’t_ want to see.

When Dato left his desk, took the keys, and headed to the rear corner, Yu silently followed him and was grateful when the man allowed him to enter the cell and have a look at it on his own.

There was no apparent damage to the floor or walls or anything at all. Some of the books were put into two medium-sized cardboard boxes, some had apparently been taken out of the cell already, and the rest still awaited packing in stacks – all, most likely, on yesterday’s orders after the transfer was confirmed. Adachi’s jacket and necktie were still on the futon and both seemed intact, making it clear that they had been left there before the incident. Seeing them separated from the owner incited some unpleasant feeling, so Yu swiftly turned away.

His mind wandering, he made careful steps to the sink in the right corner of the cell and bit his lower lip after spotting a few dry, dark red drops left on the mirror.

Apparently, the local cleaning staff were lacking in diligence, but it’s thanks to this shortcoming that he could be quite sure: the wall to the right of the sink was the very place where Adachi got cornered with the sword at his chest.

Yu slowly reached for his satchel and got out a worn-out deck of 12 cards, which he had the habit of taking on all of his trips and intentionally took out of his travel bag a few hours ago. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on activating the first card in the deck – but to no avail. Unlike in the TV-world 5 years ago, in Tokyo’s Metaverse just a few weeks prior and even in his room at Adachi’s place this morning, these were still just regular shabby cards. From that alone, Yu could conclude that the cell wasn’t distorted in any way.

“You need any help, sir?”

Trying not to draw Dato’s attention to the cards, Yu slid the deck in the back pocket of his pants and started nearing the door while still looking the room around.

“Has the suspect ever had a.. fit during your work shift?” Yu asked after looking at the guard in the doorway.

The man nodded.

“A couple of times since May,” he replied. “I heard him talk to someone once, came up to the cell and opened the door to check. But didn’t see anyone apart from him inside, of course. Couldn’t hear any voices myself, either.”

“He didn’t comment on this?” Yu asked.

“Early on he seemed to be as bewildered as me,” Dato said. “With time, he turned visibly uncomfortable with such situations. But never said a word, even when I asked him about it.”

“You kept opening the cell every time?”

“There weren’t too many fits during my day shifts,” the guard reminded, “but yes. I felt like checking up on him, just in case. Couldn’t see anything even remotely suspicious.”

“Did you report each fit?”

“First one only,” Dato shook his head. “I knew about the preliminary ‘dementia’ diagnosis on later times, so I didn’t see any point in reporting.” He paused. “And perhaps it was because the fits were rare for me, but they didn’t disturb me much.”

Dato indeed appeared to be rather difficult to disturb. And also seemed to be a person Yu felt he could trust.

“I heard about the guard, who was fired in summer, from Shirazuki-san,” Yu started as he threw the last glance in the cell. “Considering that I have no legal possibility to meddle in anything prior to this incident and that my main priority is to simply preserve the mental and physical health of the suspect,” he stepped into the hallway and fixed his eyes on Dato, “could you please tell me what you know about the treatment he’s been receiving from the staff since May?”

His eyes averted, Dato was silent for a couple of moments.

Then he shifted his gaze to Yu.

“The fired guard – Touyama-san – had beaten the suspect at least 5 times during the summer. He himself boasted about this to me and the medics never questioned the cause of the wounds. Teruishi-san – the one suspended for the yesterday’s incident – is his former shift-partner. He acts tough and still holds a grudge, but knows the risks of getting hotheaded all too well,” Dato shook his head. “He’s got a wife, a small kid, and mortgage to pay. And he was the one who checked on the suspect and took him to the infirmary that night. Him being the one behind the injuries doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“I also believe that he’s innocent,” Yu nodded; he had a bitterly good idea who _was_ to blame for Adachi’s current wounds and was more concerned about the previous cases. “Can you name the number of times the suspect ended up seriously hurt after Touyama had been fired?”

“Including the current incident – twice,” Dato replied. “The first one was just a week ago.”

Yu pressed his lips into a thin line and tried to sort out the fact and thoughts.

From what it sounded like, his Shadow wasn’t behind the attacks that occurred before his arrival, at least. So there were two possibilities now: either Adachi had indeed suffered from a hallucination and Yu’s presence caused a Shadow to appear _or_ the Shadow had existed all this time but only became truly violent with Yu’s return on December 16th.

In the end, Yu wasn’t sure which version was more discomforting for him.

“Once I’ll talk to the suspect, I think that Teruishi-san will most likely be cleared of all suspicion,” he promised Dato as he slightly bowed his head. “Thank you for your cooperation.”

After receiving a bow from the guard in return, Yu headed back along the hallway. He intended to discuss the incident and the transfer with the deputy chief as quickly as possible and then set out to the only place that allowed to tackle the ‘logical but crazy’ problems head-on.

***

He wasn’t sure what exactly made him discard the idea of going inside the TV world from the common entry point of 5 years ago: the suspicion that the store could have seriously upgraded its security system since 2011 or the nonsensical feeling that such a plan would somehow create another unfortunate parallel with the past events.

Regardless of the reason, Yu headed straight to his rented apartment once he got back to Inaba.

After making sure the card deck was still in his back pocket, he crouched down near his bed and pulled a long and narrow case – which had been among the stuff delivered 2 weeks ago – from under it. He unzipped it and rested his eyes on the katana inside.

The sheer thought of touching and using it now suddenly felt nauseating but the idea of going unarmed was objectively reckless and he knew it.

After a few moments, Yu gave up and decisively pushed the case back under the bed. He then took out his travel bag instead and opened the inside pocket, where he kept his own handgun and a holster. He checked the ammo and, hoping that the skills of using the pistol were still at the back of his mind despite the lack of practice for the past half a year, got to his feet.

The moment he neared the large TV, Yu heard a sneering voice behind his back.

“And where are we going to, huh?”

He turned around and saw Adachi’s Shadow leisurely sitting at the low table in broad daylight, facing him. The next moment there was a thump in the kitchen area as Shogun jumped on the counter and then – on the fridge. Yu couldn’t help but sigh: he was supposed to get the cat away from stress but only made this stress more regular for him.

“I have to find it,” he answered once he faced the Shadow, “and deal with it.”

“Who told you it’d be there though?” the Shadow shrugged. “I mean, I’m not there now, right?”

“ _Now_ ,” Yu stressed. “You’ve been _somewhere_ since yesterday. My Shadow also has to exist at some place when it’s not in the cell.”

“And you know that this place is in the TV _because_..?”

Yu admitted that his only reason was “because that’s how things have always been before” and realized that something was definitely off _now_. But at the same time, he had seen that the Shadow was good at mind games and could have simply been trying to push him off the right track.

“I don’t know anything for sure but I have to start somewhere,” he summed up. “And this is where I know I _can_ start.”

“And _when_ do you think you’re gonna finish?” Shadow Adachi smirked. “The world of people’s unconsciousness. Do you even have an idea of how _enormously_ _huge_ it can be?”

“You seem to be rather aware of it, so looks like it’s not the wrong place to start after all,” Yu pointed out.

The Shadow twisted its lips in open discontent as Yu turned back to the TV and touched the rippling surface.

***

The TV took him to an unfamiliar room that was very similar to the one he had visited 5 years ago, right before leaving Inaba. The key difference were the empty walls, a carpet, and the blue light encompassing the space.

Still sitting on the floor, Yu looked behind his back and saw almost the same large TV set that he’d just entered. He figured that this must have been exactly where he fell from and, in that case, would serve as his portal back to the living room too.

Once his way back was so conveniently secured, Yu started exploring the surroundings.

He soon learnt that this, in fact, was the very same apartment block, where the bedroom – apparently created by Mayumi Yamano – was in. He checked all the doors on every floor but found absolutely no lead that would hint at his Shadow’s presence or location. The card deck was silent, too. So eventually, he left the block and set out further.

The TV world turned out to be different from both what it had been before their last battle and what it looked after it. It wasn’t covered with fog or Shadows, but didn’t have the “heaven-on-earth” aura anymore either. Which, Yu thought, was a sadly natural result: people’s collective subconsciousness couldn’t have stayed the innocently rosy way it was the moment the team’s victory over Izanami caused a collective emotional reset.

Instead, the world was now a vast and weird combination of all sorts of places that were put together in an irrational “theme park”, where each location seemed to represent the thoughts, wishes, issues, and worries of every single person living in Inaba.

There was a huge live concert stage right next to a stylish business center and a pompous shrine. A 5-storey mall was right across a peaceful pond with only a few neat houses near it, a huge pet hotel across the arcade. To Yu, it all looked like an overwhelming collection of Palaces that he used to deal with in Tokyo.

Some locations were even more specific and unrealistic, reflecting more complex wishes and states of minds of the people: matchmaking shops and factories claiming to offer a perfect significant other, pharmacies promising all sorts and types of medicine, benches on playgrounds with card-readers right next to them, as if those were actual workplaces.

This “Inaba” – despite having a familiar layout of homes and residences – was a crazy busy mess and navigating through it was a challenge on its own. At the very least, no Shadows were roaming around, which made exploring easier. But the scope for exploration still seemed to be quite grand.

Exhausted, Yu got back to the apartment block after wandering around only a single part of the weird town for what felt to him like 6 hours.

When he returned to the living room, the Shadow – who was _still_ there or there _again_ – smirked contently.

“Well, how was the search?”

Yu didn’t reply and headed to the kitchen area for a glass of water.

“Need that idol girl or bear maybe? From what I gathered, they were your guides or something. Although… yeah, that means they’d get to see your ugly true self,” the Shadow contemplated mockingly. “Which, I guess, isn’t an option.”

Making slow gulps of water, Yu tried to tune the taunts out.

Once he put the empty glass on the counter, he checked on Shogun, who fell asleep right on the fridge, and then glanced at the time on the microwave. It was still only 2:30 pm, meaning that his 6 hours of exploration in the TV equaled only 2 hours in reality.

And that meant that he still had a lot of time for his search.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna get back there _again_?” the Shadow snorted when Yu started to walk in the direction of the TV again. “You haven’t realized that it’s pointless?”

“Your attempts to talk me out of it only give me more reasons to keep trying,” Yu calmly replied as he return to the living room. “I can’t just sit and do nothing.”

“You can’t do _anything_ ,” Shadow Adachi sneered. “Apart from causing more hurt and damage, that’s it.”

Yu failed to retort.

“You kept telling me that you were back to help,” the Shadow went on, “while you actually just returned to settle your _own_ troubles, right? And ran away the moment these troubles resolved not the way you wanted, living me out.”

“I didn’t _run_ ,” Yu curled up his fingers. “I just needed some time and perspective. I would have gotten back and focused on the case soon enough even if-...”

“Even if you didn’t learn about the mess you caused by subconsciously looking forward to me sharing your pain,” the Shadow ended for him dryly.

Biting down on his lip, Yu lowered his eyes.

“..I might have had an impulsive thought or a feeling that night,” he admitted unwillingly and then raised his gaze back, “but I never wished for what actually happened. Let alone “looked forward” to it.”

“Doesn’t change the consequences,” Adachi shrugged. “Think you telling me this will make me forgive you?”

Unable to answer, Yu cast his eyes down again.

Up until now, he had been trying not to think about the conversation with Adachi that he would definitely need to hold some time soon. He had no idea how to explain the situation to him and – what’s more important – how to apologize.

The best way to apologize, in his opinion, was saying that the issue was settled and the Shadow wouldn’t return. But for that, he had to meet it and deal with it. And for that – to find it first.

Despite feeling the numbness in his muscles, Yu made a few steps back to the TV.

“A suicidal moron,” the Shadow commented caustically before vanishing, but the remark didn’t stop Yu from touching the TV screen.

What made him retrieve the hand was the sudden sound of his ringing phone. After fishing the phone out of the pocket and seeing ‘Nanako’ on the screen, Yu stepped back and took the call.

“Big bro?” Nanako sounded troubled and Yu, despite knowing that she couldn’t see him, cracked a comforting smile.

“Hey. What’s the matter?”

“I, um, heard from dad. About Adachi-san.”

Yu pressed his lips together, realizing that he’d have to play the ‘staff abuse’ card despite his own overflowing guilt. At least with the Shadow’s abrupt leaving it was a more tolerable perspective now, since he knew he wouldn’t get any mocking side-comments.

“Have you learnt anything new?”

He let out a sharp breath.

“Not really. They can’t figure out what exactly happened but they asked me to help. Your dad and me are also working on getting Adachi-san out of that place and moving him to the detention block at Inaba’s police station. This should settle it,” Yu lied, perfectly aware of the questionable chances of this changing anything at all.

“Is he.. feeling all right?”

“I talked to the doctor and he said there’s no risk,” Yu calmed her down. “He’s currently resting and will recover soon.”

“Can I help in some way?” Nanako’s voice gave out genuine compassion, not a cliché suggestion, and Yu couldn’t help but smile at that.

“I’m not allowed to visit, but since his old shirt was most likely damaged, I’m thinking of buying some fresh ones and asking the doctor to give them over to him. I’m sure Adachi-san would enjoy your lunch box in addition to that.”

“Then I’ll make a couple of boxes right away,” Nanako replied enthusiastically. “Are you going to Okina again today?”

Yu glanced at the TV and let out a sigh. Deciding to put the visit off to whenever he’d deal with the Shadow meant putting it off quite indefinitely – probably even to the point when Adachi would already be discharged from the infirmary.

“Yeah,” he said as he stepped even more away from the TV with a new plan in mind. “I think I’ll go search for the shirts in Junes and will be back soon. Can you come by at about 3?” He glanced at Shogun and chuckled. “I’ve got a small surprise for you, too.”

“Wow, what is it??”

“I’ll just advise you to grab some raw fish if you have any in the fridge at home.”

“All right, I’ll be there with lunch boxes and some fish by 3!” Nanako assured him. “See you!”

“Later,” Yu smiled and hung up.

He looked at the TV screen once again, trying to convince himself that taking a short break wasn’t a bad idea after all – and then started to take the holster with his gun off.


End file.
